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Oh the joys of "love"


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My girlfriend and I broke up a little over a month ago. It was something of a mutual breakup, and we stayed in touch as friends. About three weeks later, we got back together again. Our happiness lasted for six hours. We were together for six hours (from 6pm to midnight) when she got on AIM, and we started arguing about money. She wanted to go out, and I am simply too poor. I am on the verge of graduating, and due to my FUCKING stupid school schedule, I can only work 12 hours a week. This past payweek (last friday) I made $50 less because that was my paycheck from spring break (when I took half a week off so I could go home for a mental health weekend of sorts). So, I'm on a tight budget, and she's asking me to pay for dinner. She works a retail job, makes more money per hour than I do, and is working 40-47 hours a week (depending on what they give her). So, I know that she has more money than I do.

So, last friday rolls around, and we go out, and we're basically happy. We rent a movie (she pays for it), and end up not watching it because we get "distracted." That weekend I told her "hey, since you like American Idol, I figure we can get a pizza, and watch idol, and have fun." Well, she went to a job fair on tuesday, and was so hungry that she ate at 3, and ruined her appetite. Then we ended up going to the mall with her friend. So, I was going to get pizza for us to share, but since she didn't have an appetite, and since I was starving and we were at the mall, I got pizza from sbarro's instead. Then we went to Sam Goody, and saw that store was closing, so I bought two CDs ($5 markdown from $15). I wanted to buy three CDs and a game, but I didn't want to spend too much money, so I spent $10 instead of $30.

Last night we're on AIM again, and she tells me that it pisses her off when I say I'm poor, buy myself stuff, and don't buy anything for her. I say it's my money, and how I spend it is no business of her's. Further, I don't think it's fair that I should pay for dinners and movies and shit when I KNOW she has more money than I do.

Being on the verge of graduation, the following circumstances apply to my "poverty."

(I use poverty for lack of a better word, I am in no way in poverty in the literal sense of the word)

1) I will have massive school loans. My sister just paid hers off, and it took her 10 years

2) I am working 12 hours a week in an apartment with no meal plan, so I have to buy groceries

3) Gas is not getting cheaper, by any stretch of the imagination

4) I do not yet have any job prospects lined up

Things being as they are, I don't see why I can't spend a little money on things that are 70% off (it's not like I went out and spent $50 on all the latest releases). Tuesday I spent $10 at sam goody instead of $30. I'm not begging money off of her, I'm not asking her to buy me stuff. She wants me to pay for stuff when she has more money than I do, and is making more money than I do, and she doesn't understand why I don't want to spend money on her. She says going dutch makes her feel like we're not together. She just can't understand that I'm going through a rough time in my life.

I'm a hair away from breaking up with her again. I don't want to. I want to give her another chance, but if she keeps nagging me about this shit, I'm going to break it off. This time for good.

your thoughts?

P.S. See Anime-Gee, even though the prospective Mrs. Gee didn't become your girlfriend, at least she didn't hook up with you and start nagging you to buy her shit.

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Sounds like the girl has some issues about trivial things. She sounds very fickle. That's going to lead to lots of problems in the future. Trust me. I've dealt with some trivial girls before. They just drive you nuts after a while & then you just want to cuss them out & tell them to get their shit together & they never do. I guess I could understand why you wouldn't want to break up her, since this is your first girlfriend & all, but it's better now than later when you're more heavily involved with her down the road. It's worse then.

Oh. And that girl was my girlfriend. I guess I should have been more specific, but I was kinda hinting at making the relationship more closer, as in telling her that I was seriously thinking about marriage & family in the long run. Turns out that she's not ready to settle down yet. She still wants to accomplish many things. Those things are going to take along time. This is college & travel. We would actually get in each other's way. I still want to do many things as well. I was willing to put a lot of those things aside for her, but she's really determined to do what she wants to do & basically told me that she now feels bad that she had come into my life to throw me off course from doing the thigns that I had wanted to do. Finish up the Mechanical or Civil Engineering degree & move to Japan for about 2 years working in the automotive industry or move to a remote area in California to be involved with major construction projects. We get along very well, like insanely well, & everything & we have no issues with each other whatsoever, but after talking to her yesterday, we just decided to be friends for now. This will be much better for both of us. We have no hard feelings towards each other. We're both going to do what each one of us wants to do from here on & after we're done, maybe hook up again, but we also decided that if one of us finds another person later down the road, then it wasn't meant to be. Sometimes things happen for a reason. Yeah. It sucks, I wanted something totally different out of this, but what can you do? I wanted a girl that has a head on her shoulders with the possiblity of raising a family with her later down the road. Yes. The Anime Gee would like a daughter very much so that he can take her to Disneyland, dress her up in all these cute little outfits, & when she's finally old enough to have boyfriends, mess around & threaten them! It's going to be wonderful! ( ^o^) <3 But yeah, It's not like someone can force someone to do somthing that they didn't have in mind & make them stop what they wanted to do. That wouldn't be a fair deal. Yup. Now I have to get used to seeing her like another regular fool that I hang out with. Hahaha! Yeah. It's kinda hard, but I guess that I'll eventually get used to it.

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Oh, I didn't know she was your girlfriend. I'm glad there are no hard feelings, and I hope you two end up together again, she really sounds like a winner, from what you're telling me.

The main things I like about my gf is that she's generally sweet and cute and honest. She keeps me honest (neither of us wants to have sex 'til we're married, though I keep trying *LOL*). She's a good girl, I just wish she'd understand that even though I'm broke, I can afford to treat myself every now and then.

ug, it's just so complicated, and you're right, she is fickle. I think if I break up with her, she'll try everything to keep me, and by then it's too late. If we break up again, it's for good.

Also, I didn't mention in my initial post that I owe about $150 in back taxes. That's roughly 75% of a paycheck for me. I tell ya, life's a bitch sometimes.

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Oh, I didn't know she was your girlfriend. I'm glad there are no hard feelings, and I hope you two end up together again, she really sounds like a winner, from what you're telling me.

The main things I like about my gf is that she's generally sweet and cute and honest. She keeps me honest (neither of us wants to have sex 'til we're married, though I keep trying *LOL*). She's a good girl, I just wish she'd understand that even though I'm broke, I can afford to treat myself every now and then.

ug, it's just so complicated, and you're right, she is fickle. I think if I break up with her, she'll try everything to keep me, and by then it's too late. If we break up again, it's for good.

Also, I didn't mention in my initial post that I owe about $150 in back taxes. That's roughly 75% of a paycheck for me. I tell ya, life's a bitch sometimes.

She's definitely someone that I'd be willing to do anything for, but I can only do so mouch. I guess we'll see what happens down the road.

Well, you gotta figure out what you want. If you don't mind dealing with those trivial things, then I guess it's not that bad. At this point in my life, I can't deal with trivial crap & drama. I'm too old for that shit. Hahaha! But yeah. Best thing's to talk it all out. Tell her how you feel & everything. Like they say in Spanish, "Quentas claras, amistades largas." Can't translate that direclty into English, but it basically means that when everything is understood & there's no miscomminucation, friendships can last a long time. Keep this in mind.

Well, that really sucks. It's not that too bad, though. Try this. The DMV just garnished my state return for a stupid Jeep vehicle registration that someone took out under my name. Not to mention that they're probably going to take my $800 tax return from federal as well. Yup. Life's a bitch. You're a victim of possible ID theft & to top it all off, you're a victim of the government as well. I'm still in the process of trying to clear all that shit out & trying to get that other fool in jail or something. I'm SERIOUSLY thinking about suing the DMV & the IRS & the credit agencies for their incompetence, but trying to sue the DMV & IRS is almost impossible.

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All of my girl friends are so money driven, that I seldom see them treat their boyfriends nicely.

Not to say all girls are like this of course, that type of thing is stupid to say, this is just my experience.

Yeah, I have a couple friends who expect their boyfriends to pay for everything. Tis sad, gives girls a bad rep.

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This was a constant issue that me and my ex would go through, I thought it was very unfair that I would always have to pay for things when she would work and keep all of her money, and I had to pay bills and treat her out.

I told her she would have to start paying for things sometimes because I wasn't a bank and I refused to buy into the "guys should pay" mentality coming from a girl who is for empowerment of women. I don't think that I need to pay anything because I have a wang and she doesn't, it just makes no sense.

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Update:

She called me, and I yelled. A lot. The upshot is that I got it all out of my system. I'm not sure if it solved the problem, but I sure as shit felt a lot better. We're still together, and as long as she takes my yelling to heart, and stops asking me to spend money on her, then maybe we can be happy for a while. I'm probably going to hang out with her tomorrow (later today, since it's technically friday right now) and we'll see how it goes. So, regardless of how things are with me and her, I'm not angry anymore. I'm hoping I won't get mad again for a long time.

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The way I see things, gifts are just that: gifts. Don't expect them. Ever. Be happy when you get them. For gods sakes, don't rely on them.

That being said, if I take someone out to dinner, it's a gift. If I go out to dinner with someone and don't pay for all of it, then we're just enjoying each other's company and perhaps some food.

The latter should happen much more often. Split costs equally and all that.

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What the hell, I might as well update you guys, since no one's on AIM, and I need to vent (and I hate fuggin' blogs).

Thursday night, I yelled at my gf for being such a money-grubber. Friday I thought everything was okay. We sounded okay Thursday night, and so, I went down to see her. We went to drop off a job application for her, went to old navy, and went to ruby tuesday's for dinner. I decided to get the check as an act of good faith, to bury the hatchett, so to speak. Then we watch a movie in her room, get all snuggly...and she tells me that she's still mad at me after the movie is over. So, I asked her what she was mad about, she told me it was over a letter I'd written two weeks ago.

Two weeks ago, before she and I got back together, I wrote her a letter that told her what I thought I wanted at the time, I admitted last night that I wrote it to test her, because she seemed like she wanted to get back with me, and I wanted to know how bad. I apologized repeatedly for writing the letter, told her it means nothing to me now (which is absolutely true) and that I wrote it when I was angry.

Ever since that letter, we've basically been at odds. She keeps holding it against me, keeps finding exciting new ways to test me. She's tested my patience and yet I still forgave her. But I'm tired of all the drama and the bullshit, and I told her simply:

"Ever since we got back together, we've done nothing but fight. It doesn't seem like I can do anything right. There's no point in us being togther if all we're going to do is be at each other's throats. You need to get over the letter, or get over me. Either way, you need a lesson letting shit go."

By the end of the night, it seems she chose both. She no longer is mad at me because of that e-mail, but she doesn't seem to want to be my girlfriend anymore. She told me she's "confused" and wants to be my "something". The latter just killed me, and I've been in something of a funk ever since.

AAAANYhow, that's my rant, things can only go up from here. I'm pissed off at myself, though, because I left my pocketknife in her room, so I have to get that shit back before I can say or do anything else.

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Sucks man. I'll tell you something straight up, honest, & direct.

It seems like both of you are not ready for anything serious at this point in your lives. Maybe the 2 of you should concentrate on going to school & finishing up your goals instead of getting on each other's nerves. A relationship is suppossed to be somethng mutual that helps each other out. This requires a lot of effort from both sides. Granted, it's not always perfect, but for the most part both of you should be there to help each other out, not bring each other down. If that continues, your schooling & everything else begins to suffer because you can't think straight.

When it comes to a point that both of you are constantly arguing & having too much drama, that's when one of you have to make a quick decision. Take the mental beatings & continue with it or call it quits before it gets too far & emotions & feelings start breaking down & you both begin to realize that you hate each other.

Keep this in mind & everything should work out fine! ( ^o^) <3

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You're right, Gee. Your posts have had no less truth to them as I keep updating this thread. It's good to know I have someone with a great deal of this kind of experience to dispense advice. It's much appreciated.

She called me this morning about an hour after I wrote that post. She sounded like she was crying, and I basically told her to stop beating herself up. Me, I'm an idiot, and I want to make things good again. I'm willing to give the effort, but it seems she doesn't understand why things are so hard. So, we're going to continue to talk, and I talked to my dad. I'm not mad at her; the worst of the drama such as it is, is over. It's about patching things up, and being happy. I told her a lot of the things that you said, Gee. I told her that we shouldn't be together if we're going to be at each other's throats all the time. I told her that I want her support, I want here to be there for me, as I have been there for her.

I told her this morning that I'd call her tonight, so I guess the soap opera continues for a while.

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ughhh what a bitch. I hate it when people buy me things.

Wow, that's surprising to hear coming from a girl (no offense).

Anyhow, we resolved our differences. For good this time. I screamed at her for the money thing on Thursday, that done, dead, and buried. We talked at length Friday night, and she was confused and crap when I left. She was confused this morning. I called her tonight (per her request) and she said she wants to be with me. And I still want to be with her. After working so hard, I think we deserve another try. So, thank you all for your support; things are going to get better now, I'm sure of it.

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Although it seems I missed the alotted advice giving time, I would like to remind you all to use Ceraziefish's First Law of Relationships at all times: Whenever anything important happens, don't do anything about it for at least a day so as to let the emotions on both sides cool off.

Ceraziefish's Second Law is to avoid relationships like the plague, but that's not very applicable to most people, nor this situation.

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I'm no expert on relationships, or how they should be conducted, but I can tell you that just as my ex-girlfriend and I were serious enough to know we wanted to get married, without any warning what so ever, she dumped me and cut all contact with me at the request of her father because I did not make $60,000 a year.

It's sad that something like money has to come between an otherwise nearly perfect relationship. I'm trying my best not to become a sexist who is constantly bashing girls and calling them cold hearted, gold digging, greedy wenches, because I'm not like that, and I know not all girls are like that either. But its hard at the moment, because I'm not over what just happened to me yet.

Buuuuuut anyway, I'm torn on this issue to begin with. I believe in chivalry, and that the man should do things for the woman he loves like pay for the date, open doors, and treat them with a higher respect than I ever see guys treating their girlfriends with anymore.

However, with that said, I also think girls seem to care about money too much sometimes. My ex-girlfriend said to me, and I quote: "I'm used to living a very comfortable life, and I don't intend on ever changing that." But the best part (or worst part, depending on how you look at it) is that just one month after she dumped me and disapeared completely is that I got the promotion I was trying for, and now I work full time 45 hours a week minimum, and make a nice salary with good benefits and bonuses every quarter. So now all that money is mine, I guess.

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Nothing wrong with chivalry as long as it goes both ways.

Respecting women (well, respecting everyone, but women are certainly part of that!) is important, but I find it silly to respect someone to the detriment of yourself, and to themselves (possibly, depending heavily on the person).

I'm not saying how I feel and act in a relationship is the best way to go about it, after all, look where I am now. But for whatever reason, that's how I feel women should be treated. Honestly, from my own observations, it seems women don't want to be treated with respect, which I'll never understand.

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It's not that women don't want to be treated with respect, it's just it feels kind of belitting when a guy does simple things for you. I agree with CF that it's fine as long as it goes both ways, though. Women are people too, and most aren't all the different from men. I personally don't want to be treated specially or like I'm a fragile doll.

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It's not that women don't want to be treated with respect, it's just it feels kind of belitting when a guy does simple things for you. I agree with CF that it's fine as long as it goes both ways, though. Women are people too, and most aren't all the different from men. I personally don't want to be treated specially or like I'm a fragile doll.

Besides, I want a girlfriend who can go backpacking with me. No fragile dolls.

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