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Stand By Me

Gordie: Mickey is a mouse, Donald is a duck, Pluto is a dog. What's Goofy...?

Teddy: He's a dog, he's definitely a dog...

Chris: He can't be a dog, he wears a hat and drives a car...

Vern: Yeah, that is weird. What the hell is Goofy?

Teddy: Jesus H. bald-headed Christ!

Chris: How do you know if a Frenchman has been in your backyard?

Teddy: Hey, I'm French, all right?

Chris: Your garbage cans are empty and your dog's pregnant.

Teddy: Didn't I just say I'm French?

[Chris drags Gordie behind the building to show him his gun]

Gordie: Walking talking Jesus!

Gordie: Shut up!

Vern, Chris, Teddy: I don't shut up, I grow up, and when I look at you, I throw up.

Gordie: And then your mother goes around the corner and she licks it up.

The Writer: [voiceover] Finding new and preferably disgusting ways to degrade a friend's mother was always held in high regard.

Chris: You four-eyed pile of shit.

Teddy: A pile of shit has a thousand eyes

Milo: Looney, looney, looney.

Teddy: I'm gonna rip your head off and shit down your neck!

Chris: "Suck my fat one"? Whoever told you that you had a fat one, Lachance?

Gordie: Biggest one in four counties.

The Writer: It was weird to me how, then, Teddy could care so much about his father, who practically tried to kill him, and I couldn't give a shit about my old man and he hadn't laid a hand on me since I was three! And that was because he caught me trying to drink bleach from under the sink.

Gordie: Wagon Train's a really cool show, but have you ever noticed they don't really get anywhere? They just keep on wagon-training

[after being handed a gun]

Gordie: Is it loaded?

Chris: Shit no, what do you think I am?

[gun goes off]

Chris, Gordie: JESUS!

Eyeball: So what's with you and this Connie Palermo chick?

Billy Tessio: I've been seeing her for over a month now and all she'll let me do is feel her tits.

Ace: She's a Catholic, Man. There'll all like that. If you wanna get laid, you gotta get yourself a Protestant. A Jew's good.

Teddy: That was the all-time train dodge. Too cool. Vern, you were so scared you looked like that fat guy, Abbott Costello, when he saw the mummy.

Vince Desjardins: Yeah! Come on, man, we're gonna be famous! We're gonna be on every radio and TV show in the country!

Charlie Hogan: I still don't think we should go.

Ace: Okay... okay... you've stated your position clearly, now I'm gonna state mine: get in the fucking car, now!

Teddy: Look, you guys can go around if you want to. I'm crossing here. And while you guys are dragging your candy asses across the state and back, I'll be waiting for you on the other side relaxing with my thoughts.

Gordie: You use your right hand or your left hand for that?

[last lines]

The Writer: [typing on computer] I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve. Jesus, does anyone?

Too many damn good quotes in that movie.

Now post your fav movie quotes.

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  • 2 weeks later...

XXXX (Daniel Craig): I've got an idea... Why don't you come 'round for breakfast? I'll squeeze some orange juice and grind some coffee and we can talk about this like adults. How's that sound?

Dragan: Sounds very hospitable.

XXXX: Do you know where I live?

Dragan: No.

XXXX: Well, fuck off then.

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T.S. : But they're engaged.

Brodie : Doesn't matter, it can't happen.

T.S. : Why not, it's bound to come up.

Brodie : It's impossible, Lois could NEVER have Superman's baby, do you think her fellopian tubes could handle the sperm? I GUARANTEE you he blows a load like a shotgun through her back. What about her womb, do you think it's strong enough to carry his child?

T.S. : Sure, why not?

Brodie : He's an alien for Christ's sake! His Kryptonian biological make up is enhanced by Earth's yellow sun. Lois gets a tan, the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a Kryptonite condom! But that would kill him.

T.S. : How is it that I go from the verge of hot Floridian sex with Brandi to manage to a Man-of-Steel coital debate with you in the food court?

Brodie : Cookie stand's not part of the food court.

T.S. : Of course it is.

Brodie : (slight pause) The food court is downstairs! The cookie stand is upstairs! It's not like we're talking quantum physics here!

T.S. : The cookie stand counts as an eatery, the eatery is a part of the food court.

Brodie : Bullshit! Eateries that operate within the designated square downstairs qualify as food court, anything outside of said designated square, is considered an autonomous unit for mid-mall snacking. Now, if you're gonna wax intellectual about the subject....holy shit! Wait here.

T.S. Where you going?

Brodie : Chercher la femme.

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Schoolgirl : Wow, it's a SCHOONER!

Willam : HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, you dumb bastard! It's not a schooner, it's a sailboat!

Schoolboy : A schooner is a sailboat, stupid head!

Willam : YOU KNOW WHAT??!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! THERE IS NO EASTER BUNNY!!!!!!!!!!!! OVER THERE, THAT'S JUST A GUY IN A SUIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jay : You're fuckin' kiddin' me, the Easter Bunny did this????

Brodie : All I said to him was the Easter Bunny over at Menlo Park Mall was more convincing, he just jumped the railing and knocked me down.

Jay : He's fuckin' dead!

Brodie : Oh let it go, he's under a lot of pressure.

T.S. : What the hell happened to him?

Jay : The guy in the Easter Bunny suit kicked his ass!

Brodie : I had it coming.

Jay : Fuck all that shit, c'mon Silent Bob!

Jay : FLY, FAT-ASS, FLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jay : Phase One, first you take out LaFours with a sock full of quarters. I'd do it, but I pulled my back out humpin' your mom last night, nooch. OK, you clock him on his headpiece and knock his ass out cold. That's when Phase Two kicks in. I attack the structure Wolvie-berserk style and knock out the fuckin' pin and bickety-bam, the motherfucker's rubble. Hence, no game show.

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ah, Mallrats, good times.

Joe Young: Oh... I, I can't say that.

Maxxx Orbison: Say what?

Joe Young: What are they called?

Maxxx Orbison: The Assfuck Twins.

Joe Young: I can't say that. Can we call them something else?

Maxxx Orbison: But they're the Assfuck Twins.

Joe Young: Well I know, but um, couldn't I call them the Naughty Twins or something?

Maxxx Orbison: No, you *couldn't* just call them the Naughty Twins. They're the Assfuck Twins. Why would you call them The Naughty Twins when they get fucked in the ass all the time?

Joe Young: Well, that's pretty naughty.

Jenna Reed: You wanna know where Coop went. Try the place with the most grossly exploitation of children.

Robert Stack: Scenario number two, Coop went to Disneyworld

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