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My worst week on record - Part II


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Well, I was hoping I wouldn't have the inclination to write this post, but I feel like I will get some type of consolation by getting it off my chest on the good 'ol interweb. THis isn't as bad as the old thread, but I need to vent somehwere, and AE seems to be the place.

Anyways, as everyone remembers my last thread, my life was prety much fucked at that point, and didn't seem to have any chance of recovering itself. I had finally gotten my car back, and took if for inspection, which it failed because the high beams were out and the right rear brake was slipping on the tire.

I went to call my uncle, who is a mechanic and does all of my work, only to find out that he couldn't do it because he is vacationing in Florida. So, I just forget about it and drive around with my "Rejected" sticker emblazoned on my windshield.

Around the same time, my relations with my now girlfriend Natalie were imporoving, but my ex girlfriend, Jackie, only seemed to get worse. I finally decided to break up with her after a month of thought, seeing as I had been with her for over three years, I needed alot of time to make the right decision. I cut it off after we came back from a "break" from each other, and she took it rather well considering the fact that I told her I had kissed Natalie in the time we were on break, but seeing that anything on a break that you do doesn't count, it shouldn't matter.

We went our seperate ways after a long embrace and my wholehearted apology, and I didn't speak to her until a week later. I went ahead and forged my relationship with Natalie, and things looked great, all of our friends saw the amazing chemistry that we had together, and I felt that I was finally happy in a relationship unlike my last one, which was extremely abusive and unhealthy. As time went on, Natalie grew apart from me, she started acting wierd, and it became near impossible to get in touch with her. I decided to catch her off guard and see her in person to resolve the situation. It turned out that she was in contact with her ex-boyfriend, and she felt bad because she left him for me; she didn't like him at all, she was only with him because she has a complex where she doesn't like to hurt people.

I told her that she needed to make a decision, and I told her that being friends with me was not an option because I am not one to back down. After a few days thought, she decided to stay with me and just be distant friends with her ex - which was fine with me.

That same day, I walk out of my Web Design class and find Jackie outside the door (we go to the same college), where she triumphantly declares that she had found someone else that was much better than me. Seeing as I wasn't doing too good with Natalie at the moment, I lied and said that I felt the same way. Even though I wasn't with her anymore it still hurt to see her move on to someone else.

As time went on, Natalie fell into her old ways and distanced herself, and I needed to resolve this situation and finally get down to the real reason she was having problems being close to me. I asked her to go to the beach with me for the day since I know a section of the Jersey Shore that's deserted and a great place to be alone. She tells me that she has a better idea and tells me to buy a pack of condoms instead, my jaw subsequently hit the floor. That day, she cancelled on me for the 5th time in a row, and I went absoloutely beserk; I was going insane on how much she was either "too tired" to do this, or "too busy" with homework to do that. We were amazing together, and I didn't want this to end for some stupid reason.

So, here's the point of me writing this thread: I get a text message from her that reads as follows:

Natalie: "I want you to tell me your fears about this relationship, and what is bothering you so much"

Me: *I proceed to tell her that I hate how distant she is emotionally and sexually*

Natalie: "Mike, I don't know what it is, I have always been a guy-type of girl, where I excel at being around guys, but I can't get close to them for a reason. I love you, but there is something holding me back"

Me: "What is it, tell me and we can fix this"

Natalie: ".......I like girls more"

I went silent. I shut my phone and walked away from my room and stared into a mirror for 10 minutes, and then text my friend Crystal, who knows Natalie. I told her that she came out and Crys called me right back to confirm that she wasn't reading my text wrong. I told her if she could find any info out from Natalie's best friend, Tammy, who is a friend of mine, and Crystals sister. About 20 minutes later, I recieve this:

Crys: "I'm texting you this because I can't bear to tell you in person, I just learned that Natalie is in love with Tammy, I so sorry man"

I walked out of my house, got into my car, and started to drive (this was last night). I drove for 50 miles and ended up in a province of the state I had never been to. I screamed in the total silence of my car, I wondered why I had been lied to, and why I spent the last 2 months of my life falling in love with a girl that I had so much chemisry with, only to have my pride and emotions smashed into the ground. My cell was ringing off the hook, text messages from all 3 of them flowing in, and I didn't care, I just drove on a dark stretch of highway for 3 hours and had absoloutely nothing on my mind.

There is more to this story, but I have to head to class. Thanks for reading, AE.

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Sucks man. You feel really weird, heartbroken, & confused right about now. I know that it's hard, but try not to worry about it too much. The feeling will go away in a few weeks. My suggestion to you is to avoid relationships & booty calls for a while. In your case, you might want to avoid talking or hanging out with all your older relationships that you had. Yes. This will clear up your mind. (^_^ )

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Holy fuck. That is ridiculous.

I am sorry, man. Obviously no one likes being dumped, especially for bizarre reasons. I know when my ex-girlfriend dumped me, she didn't even give me a reason why, even when I asked her very specifically.

That driving off seemed like a good move, though. I've often done things like that (not driving in my case, but still) when I get angry with people. I find it helps, as Anime Gee said, to avoid a lot of people for awhile.

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This entire situation could turn me into a spiteful person, but I really can't sit here and beat myself up for it though. I am the type of person who loves to be in a relationship, so trying to stay away from people is near impossible.

I would imagine that if I were more emotionally jaded by women, this would easily scare me into not having a relationship for a very long time, but I honestly can't say I will do that.

I put out so much energy for this entire relationship, I would do anything for her, and I think that this is some punishment from some heavenly body for some type of transgression of the past, or maybe even the future. I told Natalie after she came out to me that I felt that I was under the unholy thumb of God as he preses me into the ground while he sneers from above, smiting my very existence. I tried to find answers or solutions to the problem, but I came up blank, and I am getting desperate at the moment.

Most of my friends were friends with my ex, and now that they sided with her since she told everyone that I cheated on her and they now hate me because of her lies, I was depending on this new relationship to help forge new friendships. Now I am stuck, alone, and nearing depression because of the last six turbulent months of my life; my only option right now is to call my aunt in California and ask her if I could live out with her, and most likely start a new life.

But I am still here, stuck, because I met a girl that I see myself committing solely to her for a long time, a girl that fucking played Xenogears and understood it, a girl that has the same interest in history that I do. Something slapped me in the face a month ago after I hung up after a 6 hour conversation with her, it told me that the last 3 years of my life were in vain because I accepted the lie that Jackie was most likely the woman I was going to spend the rest of my life with.

That night I had a dream of my future self, living in utter anguish with her, continuing my unhappy path that saw no end. This helped me break free of the relationship, but somehow I felt that it was still the wrong thing to do overall.

People are telling me I look like hell, Jarett told me it looked like I went drinking last night and fell into a gutter, some are just saying I look plain-out depressed. I had to be at work this morning at 6:30AM to unload truck with my manager, and my energy hit rock bottom and I had to sit constantly. I felt as if I had a pit in my stomach that food couldn't fill, and a space in my head that read no thoughts; I was confused and angry, and yet since I am such a loving person, I can't bring myself to get mad at her, even though I was thoroughly played.

God, I am confused.

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Ah yes. Life is a rollercoaster of many confusing events & emotions. Sometimes you think that you have someone figured out & BAM! They bust out with something totally different. Yes. I can understand how you feel. No. God is not smiting your existance. Hahaha! It's just chance that all this happened. Yes.

The easiest thing to do is avoid all your older ex's for a while like I said. Yes. It's going to be hard, but it's the best thing to do on occasion. I mean, you don't want to tell them to eat a dick, cut them completetly off, or anything like that, but sometimes it's just best to avoid seeing people that you have feelings for, but they don't return them back to you.

Why? It tears you down. They have something that you want, but that you can't have. That takes a toll on you. It rips you up & tears you down. Yes. If you avoid them, slowly you'll begin to wear those feelings off. Sometimes it can't be helped. There will be times when 2 people are not compatible, not matter how hard one of them tries. The best thing to do is seek out any friends that you've had for a very long time & hang out with them on occasion.

It seems like a lot of the relationships that you've been in have been failures. Don't let it beat you up. It happens. Sooner or later, someone that you least expect will come along. Sometimes, she's right under your nose & you don't even realize it! ( ^o^) <3

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man, you need some breaks. Just how bad are all of your ex's friends? do they really and truly hate you, or is there some chance that you can still be cool with them?

As for that God stuff, sometimes life feels like that, but sometimes it doesnt. My personal experience is that you have to find ways that allow you to feel like God must love you because a God who hates you could never let you feel so good. I don't what it is for you, but there's probably a way that you can find yourself back into it in a few weeks or maybe a few months.

I also recommend doing something physical. Move heavy objects, run, wear yourself down. Get your mind off the pain, get your body feeling good, and see if that helps you pull together.

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...

What the fuck?! I mean seriously. What the hell? Jeez man, that really sucks. I mean, I'm really at a loss for rational words. No shit you'd look depressed.

As for the God thing... there is no god punishing you. Things just happen. Sometimes the things which happen are terrible; that's the way of life. That's really all there is to it.

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man, you need some breaks. Just how bad are all of your ex's friends? do they really and truly hate you, or is there some chance that you can still be cool with them?

Well, let's just say no later than 4 hours after I broke up with her, I get a call from Boston where three girls (all friends of ours) are on the phone yelling that I am an asshole. Appareantly they all thought I cheated on Jackie with Natalie, when it was more or less me moving on from her; they refused to listen to the situation and they just called me a lowlife.

I think the worst part is that he found out via text message.

I think the worst part of it was that I have been calling her for two days to get some closure, and she hasn't answered the phone. But lo and behold, when I make a call at 1AM in my last ditch effort, Tammy picks up her phone and I almost completely lose it. Apparently she was in Natalies room, and when I asked her what they were doing there, she went silent, something she never does.

I told her to tell Natalie to call me so I could at least come to understand what exactly was happening, since she told me that Crystal was coming to pick her up to take her home for the night. 2 hours later, I decide to call again in my pathetic attempt to end this, and she picks up the phone and I hear her in a car. She lies when I ask her where she is, and then I ask her why she hasn't called me, she says she has to go and hangs up on me. To top it off, when the phone was initially picked up, Tammy picks up the phone and pretends to be her, and then laughs at me.

Being betrayed by your best friend, girlfriend, and her sister is just beyond what I can handle. I decided to pass her on a text message that I will be quitting CVS (where we all work), and most likely getting in contact with my aunt in California to work out moving out there as soon as possible since the pain of living in this state where people have betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me, and crushed me emotionally. All I get from her is this:

"I dont mean 2hurt u! i just told u the truth i thought it would b bttr 4 u to no"

Wow, thanks for the elaborate description of how you tore my heart out and then have the girl you like answer the phone and laugh at me.

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...

You just don't meet very nice people, do you?

Because that is fucking ridiculous.

Well, the thing is, they all used to be nice people until this moment, where they have all basically betrayed me. I actually talked to Crystal yesterday, and she said that she would try to help me as much as possible, and then she goes ahead and picks them both up and they head out to some distant location in Hopewell that same night.

I never expected to have someone I considered a very, very close friend of mine to actually help someone cheat on me, let alone it be her sister. I confided in her about the situation, and I trusted her to help me, but apparently she has other plans since she would like nothing more than to see someone join her creed, since she is a lesbian as well.

I just want to know if Natalie is bi or compleyely gay now, but at the same time, I think I should have some pride about this and try and fuck one of the other girls at work and get back at her.

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You are in a really fucked up situation man. :\ Let the bitter feelings run their course and then just remove yourself from the situation. Just stopping caring about it is stoic bullshit. Let yourself get through those emotions a bit then just extract yourself because you could totally get another girlfriend. We weave our own webs, but unlike most spiders, we often get caught in them.

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Well, let's just say no later than 4 hours after I broke up with her, I get a call from Boston where three girls (all friends of ours) are on the phone yelling that I am an asshole. Appareantly they all thought I cheated on Jackie with Natalie, when it was more or less me moving on from her; they refused to listen to the situation and they just called me a lowlife.

I think the worst part of it was that I have been calling her for two days to get some closure, and she hasn't answered the phone. But lo and behold, when I make a call at 1AM in my last ditch effort, Tammy picks up her phone and I almost completely lose it. Apparently she was in Natalies room, and when I asked her what they were doing there, she went silent, something she never does.

I told her to tell Natalie to call me so I could at least come to understand what exactly was happening, since she told me that Crystal was coming to pick her up to take her home for the night. 2 hours later, I decide to call again in my pathetic attempt to end this, and she picks up the phone and I hear her in a car. She lies when I ask her where she is, and then I ask her why she hasn't called me, she says she has to go and hangs up on me. To top it off, when the phone was initially picked up, Tammy picks up the phone and pretends to be her, and then laughs at me.

Being betrayed by your best friend, girlfriend, and her sister is just beyond what I can handle. I decided to pass her on a text message that I will be quitting CVS (where we all work), and most likely getting in contact with my aunt in California to work out moving out there as soon as possible since the pain of living in this state where people have betrayed me, cheated on me, lied to me, and crushed me emotionally. All I get from her is this:

"I dont mean 2hurt u! i just told u the truth i thought it would b bttr 4 u to no"

Wow, thanks for the elaborate description of how you tore my heart out and then have the girl you like answer the phone and laugh at me.

everybody works there? to me it sounds like you need to actually talk to these people in person where its a lot harder to be ignored. Even if you want to move, it sounds like you should at least try to defend yourself, then you can move on and know that you really didn't have a choice. Who knows, maybe they one group will at least not be hostile to you

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Well, I guess this brings this story to a close, I finally got in touch with her last night and decided to tie up loose ends.

I asked her to please explain what the hell is going on, and she basically told me that she likes guys, but can't go out with them, even though she neglected to tell me that. I asked to her to complete the sentence to end the conversation:

Me: "So, I am your...."

Her: "Friend."

Honestly, I feel bad for the girl, she is so sexually confused that she wants to have sex with me on Saturday, and then changes everything and says she only wants girls on Sunday. She told her best friend that she likes her, and now things have taken a horribly awkward turn between the both of them. But, I guess this is my payment for going out with someone who wasn't as old, or as mature as I was.

I could see through it each day when the choices she made reflected how immature emotionally and sexually she was. So, I guess in a way I am a bit jaded in the fact that I will most likely not date someone who is more than one 2 to years younger than me for obvious reasons (She was 17 going on 18 (August) and I am 20 going on 21 (Decenmber)).

I also talked to Crystal, and since she is more of a fling type of person, it reflected in the actions she has taken over the past few days. She didn't think it was a big deal because she was under the impression we were broken up for awhile, and that we both didn't have strong feelings for each other, I told her she was dead wrong. So, that very same day, she tried to set me up with a girl who works in the pharmacy, and instantly found out she was bi, and I told her I would never get close to anything in that realm.

Oh, and the revenge fuck is still in order because she still has feelings for me, so the instant I get to see those sweet tears roll down her cheeks will be the day I ride my noble steed appropriately named "Phallus The Incorrigible" in the parking lot outside.

Thanks for reading AE, I guess this makes me single again, so the comany of females is more than welcome.

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Man, when that kind of shit happens to me, i call up a best friend, buy a half gallon of five o'clock, and try to kill it in one night. yeah, you may feel like shit in the morning, but you'll have a new prespective on the whole thing, its kind of like a "Fuck that whore" type of attitude.

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Oh God, I went into work because I'm a lazy bastard and haven't set up Direct Deposit to pick up my check, and she was there as well.

She came up to me and said hi, and she was looking drop-dead gorgeous. We had a light conversation about work and then she abrubtly asked me if I was mad at her; I just stared at her blankly and asked her hypothetically how she would feel if her boyfriend suddenly died and his friends came to the funeral and laughed at her as she cried, and that was my answer.

I then made a dramatic exit: I looked at her dead in the eyes standing no less than 6 inches from her, leaned over, and whispered, "You look beautiful", then tipped my hat down to cover my eyes, and turned to walk out the door as I saw in the reflection of the glass her mouth, "Thank you" silently. I turned back a few second later as I walked to my car to see her still looking on and thought to myself, "Yeah, she still loves me".

FUCK. WHAT AM I DOING.

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Well, damn. That's just...damn...

I think the dramatic exit thing was a bit over the top, and I'm not really one to endorse revenge fucks. But, it's your life. It's still yours, and you still have a life, believe it or not.

The upside to this whole ugliness is that your relationship with the new girl only lasted two months. There was no real connection there. It FELT real, but ask yourself if was as real as the connection you forged over the three years with your ex.

I can understand the whole "have to be in a relationship" condition. That's how I am, it's why I got back with my girlfriend after our "break." I think she has the same condition, too.

My advice would be to try and meet new people in a new place. Maybe drive for half an hour (or however far you think your exes' reach won't go), and start talking to girls at one of the local malls. You strike me as the type with charisma.

Also, don't let this experience sour you on younger girls. 1-2 years may be a big deal now, but when you're 25-ish, it doesn't matter quite so much. I don't think I'd date a girl younger than 20. Not just because of the age-18 legal limit, but also because most girls/women under 20 are just plain too immature for a relationship.

Don't worry friend, there is hope. Just grit your teeth and bear it for a bit longer.

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Well, damn. That's just...damn...

I think the dramatic exit thing was a bit over the top, and I'm not really one to endorse revenge fucks. But, it's your life. It's still yours, and you still have a life, believe it or not.

Heh, I totally agree with you, but the situation was set up so well at the moment I just had to take advantage of it.

The upside to this whole ugliness is that your relationship with the new girl only lasted two months. There was no real connection there. It FELT real, but ask yourself if was as real as the connection you forged over the three years with your ex.

You know, I asked myself that question a dozen times, but I still feel the same about it even though the situation presents itself differently. I told her that the thing that kills me the most is the fact that our relationship was special and that it had something unique to it. Even though I noticed when she started to become unsure of her sexuality, we still had some type of connection with each other that was undeniable.

This might be me in denial, but damn, I don't want to be wrong.

I can understand the whole "have to be in a relationship" condition. That's how I am, it's why I got back with my girlfriend after our "break." I think she has the same condition, too.

Finally, you're the person I have been waiting to show up in this thread then. Everyone I talk to, whether it be friends, co-workers, or AE'ers, it seems so simple for them to just be able to not be in a relationship. I guess I should have passed on the tidbit that I haven't been single since I was around 15, I have drifted from one relationship, and into the next almost seamlessly.

I guess my need is just multiplied by the fact that I have't been able to experience being single.

You strike me as the type with charisma.

Right on the mark, my friend.

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Man, that was so dramatic... Haha.

Still, I can't say I think revenge fucks are a good idea. At all. Just stick away from the whole thing.

I wholeheartedly endorse being single. I mean, I can't say I've had the best experience with women, but I think I prefer being single. Less shit to worry about. But, of course, to each his own. Obviously you're more comfortable in a relationship.

But, if you want my advice, don't get into a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship.

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