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my very own poetry thread


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I'll use this thread to post poems I write. I mostly write weird/experimental stuff, so don't expect coherent poems, so much. When I write, I try to express a feeling more than a certain story or message. Please give constructive criticism if you can. (I said constructive, because I know there are a lot of people on this forum who probably just want to post "this sucks", and having said that, someone will.) Many are still kind of rough around the edges, I constantly rework stuff.

Death is the fine print in the New York Times.

Children of newsletters, of magazines, of bibles, and cockroach kings

Listen as you all scream into the night:

"Enjoy Coca-Cola"

crank up dad's old gramophone throw the needle to rip apart the old dead drunk voices

which shower the sibling shadows reflected in concrete funhouse mirrors

can you see the bright white waves as they tremor and distort your face

Now you can feel the bones in my neck, each one an old french legion at war with your sexual rage

I thought this war ended with in Vietnam, when our old grandfather fell with the communists.

not done yet but I really like it so far.

This was kind of like a plot line from a story I am trying to write, very bleh.

"He pulled the latch of my head open and looked into my skull, which contained the Pacific Ocean. A captain's bell rang three times as he called out the name of his beloved son lost seven years ago at sea. "Michiko, Michiko, Michiko." His lonesome voice filled my heart with coins that dropped down from some old slot machine. He started to pull on my hair which to him was only frayed yellow cargo rope. It grew longer and longer and five hours after the sun went down, it became so long that stringy golden hair broke down all of the walls of the house we built together and illuminated the sky for thousands of miles. The light blinded my lovely fisherman, and now all he can see is dear Michiko, who's green gills flap open and shut on the side of his throat as he waves and smiles, shyly, forever."
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the first and second ones are great.

The first one is pretty self explanatory

"Now you can feel the bones in my neck, each one an old french legion at war with your sexual rage" from the second one really gave me, the reader, intense imagery.

the third one also has some great imagery, but get's lost in a mish-mash of things i'll never understand.

Selah.

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There are two or three inside of you, all smiling and forming legs to stand inside of you and making mouths to scream inside of you but hearts to beat are already inside of you.

I wrote that during a short spontaneous writing session today and I really like it.

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