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Who Wants to Fight Uwe Boll?


Galkar

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What we heard: Ever since House of the Dead hit theaters in 2003, Uwe Boll has become one of gamers' favorite whipping boys. Besides the aforementioned adaptation, the director has turned two other high-profile games-- Alone in the Dark and BloodRayne--into critically eviscerated would-be blockbusters.

Although he hasn't received many box-office dollars for his efforts, Boll has been the subject of the slings and arrows of countless snide forum posts and deprecating articles. So, today, when Skewed & Reviewed first posted a press release announcing that Boll wanted to take on his detractors in the boxing ring, many took it to be the latest in a series of running jokes about the Schweinfurt, Germany-based filmmaker.

Guess what? It isn't.

Today, GameSpot contacted Boll's recently-hired-but-already-weary-sounding publicist to inquire if the release on Skewed & Reviewed was indeed the real thing. "Here is the press release that you requested," was the sum of the terse e-mail response, which came with a complete version of the release attached.

"Uwe Boll Challenges His Critics 'To Put Up Or Shut Up!'" was the headline of the bellicose statement. It went on to throw down the gauntlet to Boll's online detractors, much like the titular characters did in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.

"I am fed up," said Boll. "I'm fed up with people slamming my films on the Internet without see[ing] them. Many journalists make value judgments on my films based on the opinions of one or two thousand Internet voices. Half of those opinions come from people who've never watched my films."

To answer his critics, Boll is orchestrating what might be considered one of the more bizarre sweepstakes in memory. After he finishes the ongoing shoot of In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and the subsequent project, Seed, starring the TV incarnation of Conan the Barbarian, bodybuilder Ralf Moeller (Gladiator), Boll will move onto the big-screen version of studio Running With Scissors' controversial Postal series. During that shoot, Boll will personally take on his biggest detractors in boxing matches to be used in the film.

"Towards the end of the filming of Postal the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms," read Boll's press release. "As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING [emphasis in the original] to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press."

However, not just anyone who is so inclined will have the chance to put the smackdown on Boll. "To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the Internet or have written in magazines/newspapers at least two extremely negative articles in the year 2005. Critics of 2006 will not be considered," said Boll's statement, meaning that said disparaging reviews must predate the theatrical release of BloodRayne.

Boll also called out two of his fellow filmmakers by name to take him on in the ring. "Roger Avary and Quentin Tarantino are among the most eligible candidates," read the statement, referring to the writer and writer/director of Pulp Fiction. Avary also wrote the screenplay for the film version of Silent Hill and will write and direct the upcoming big-screen spin on the Driver games.

Would-be challengers must submit proof of negative reviews and/or comments via e-mail to info@boll-kg.de. They must also submit to a physical to prove they are a healthy male between 140 and 190 pounds and must sign a waiver saying they will not subsequently ask for fees or residuals following their ringtime with Dr. Boll. In recompense, the winning challengers will be provided hotel rooms in Vancouver, location of the Postal shoot.

Source:

http://www.gamespot.com/news/show_blog_ent...327&sid=6152650

I'm rather confused as to why he would do this...

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I'm rather confused as to why he would do this...

Because in addition to creating terrible movies and willingly bastardizing everything he touches, he's also a savage, apparently. This is shown in how instead of accepting critics being critics, he wants to battle them in physical combat, as if that magically makes his movies not completely suck.

They must also submit to a physical to prove they are a healthy male between 140 and 190 pounds and must sign a waiver saying they will not subsequently ask for fees or residuals following their ringtime with Dr. Boll.

On top of the above, according to this statement, Uwe Boll appears to think that the opinions of females are not valid.

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What does boxing have to do with Postal? The Postal man wails on people with shovels, plays golf with their heads, and inserts rifles into the anuses of animals.

The movie isn't even filmed yet and I can tell it's going to be bad.

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The boxing isn't realated to the movie I believe..

"Towards the end of the filming of Postal the five most outspoken critics will be flown into Vancouver and supplied with hotel rooms," read Boll's press release. "As a guest of Uwe Boll they will be given the chance to be an extra/stand-in in Postal and have the opportunity to put on boxing gloves and enter a BOXING RING [emphasis in the original] to fight Uwe Boll. Each critic will have the opportunity to bring down Uwe in a 10-bout match. There will be five matches planned over the last two days of the movie. Certain scenes from these boxing matches will become part of the Postal movie. All five fights will be televised on the Internet and will be covered by international press."
he'll force it in there somehow
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Uwe Boll's a genius in his own twisted way. Sure he makes shitty movies, but if Ed Wood were alive today he'd be living comfortably thanks to his cult following. Uwe Boll will one day live comfortably too for he already has a mild cult following of people who enjoying "MST3k-ing" his films with their friends.

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Rich Kyanka from Something Awful took Boll up on the offer.

And I'm guessing Set didn't read the article, or couldn't comprehend it. As posting thoughts and opinions on message boards without pay or for a source does not a film critic make. Not that suprising, though.

Hey, if he realizes that noone likes his movies, why doesn't he just stop making them instead of making us fight him?

Because Boll refuses to believe his films are bad. And he blames gamers for the negative reviews, even though many don't even play them, like Roger Ebert, who even bashes games on occasion.

The reason (at least, boll's), is that he believes gamers don't watch movies, or how they are made, that all their free time is spent on games.

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And I'm guessing Set didn't read the article, or couldn't comprehend it. As posting thoughts and opinions on message boards without pay or for a source does not a film critic make.

Well actually, Uwe Boll doesn't mention anything about professional critics. It is possibly implied, however, such an omission makes it reasonable for a non-professional critic to enter oneself.

Also, how one defines a critic is highly malleable, I suppose you could always just use the simple fallback of saying a film critic is one who is payed for the purpose of reviewing and rating movies for other individuals, with a recognized and official title of a critic, but technically, everyone is a critic.

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Well actually, Uwe Boll doesn't mention anything about professional critics. It is possibly implied, however, such an omission makes it reasonable for a non-professional critic to enter oneself.

Also, how one defines a critic is highly malleable, I suppose you could always just use the simple fallback of saying a film critic is one who is payed for the purpose of reviewing and rating movies for other individuals, with a recognized and official title of a critic, but technically, everyone is a critic.

Considering that the other requirement for taking on Boll is to have had two reviews submitted to a magazine or newspaper, odds are he's talking about professional critics, not requests coming from a virtually nameless board (as of yet). If he did, tons of people would have already been signed up for this.

But i've already come to terms with the fact everytime Set posts, the level of maturity drops and his stupidity becomes quite clear every day.

He can't see any of these posts, anyway, so whatever I say here won't be seen by him due to the fact he runs away when he can't handle people that point these facts out and prove it back to him.

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Jesus christ. If you and Set don't leave each other be, we're just going to lock you both in a room together and see who's left alive after 24 hours.

Relax, Sien. :laugh:

He already ran away from me (put me on ignore) so you won't see him replying to me anytime soon.

And to stay back on topic, Steve Tilley from Sun Media has sent in a request to enter. Boll has yet to respond, though.

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Considering that the other requirement for taking on Boll is to have had two reviews submitted to a magazine or newspaper, odds are he's talking about professional critics, not requests coming from a virtually nameless board (as of yet).

"To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the Internet or have written in magazines/newspapers at least two extremely negative articles in the year 2005..."

But i've already come to terms with the fact everytime Set posts, the level of maturity drops and his stupidity becomes quite clear every day.

I was merely pointing out that you reprimand Set for not reading/comprehending the article when you are not doing so yourself.

He can't see any of these posts, anyway, so whatever I say here won't be seen by him due to the fact he runs away when he can't handle people that point these facts out and prove it back to him.

He's quite resilient in his resolve, I'll give you that.

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"To be eligible you must be a critic who has posted on the Internet or have written in magazines/newspapers at least two extremely negative articles in the year 2005..."

I was merely pointing out that you reprimand Set for not reading/comprehending the article when you are not doing so yourself.

That's why I said considering. The article uses "internet" loosely, the other option, which is a requirement if you haven't "posted" on the internet, is to have your (2) reviews posted in a magazine or a newspaper. Which probably means, when they said internet, they probably ment a source or popular website.

Posting an opinion, or review, on a site like AE is no better then writing a review on a piece of paper and giving it to your friends to read.

Set acted like Boll personally sent him an invitation to turn it down. And the article mentions nothing of Muay Thai fighters being eligible, either.

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Posting an opinion, or review, on a site like AE is no better then writing a review on a piece of paper and giving it to your friends to read.

If Uwe Boll is so afraid of A-E members, he could just say so instead of tip-toeing around it. You hear me Boll!? Don't act like you don't read every word I type!

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