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Accelerated Evolution

Hahaha! - Catch Me if You Can

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A cop was on his horse, waiting to cross the street, when a little girl on her shiny new bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said. "Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.

The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you've got there sir. Did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl said, "Next year, tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."

( ^o^)

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i like lightbulb jokes xD

How many Harvard students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One, he holds the lightbulb and the world revolves around him.

How many Ohio State University students does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, that's a grad course.

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crube: you're an idiot.

she is saying not to knock masturbation because she's having sex with the person she loves.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry!

You meant they are too busy with their LiveJournals?

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A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected: a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon. As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single." The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?" The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."

( ^o^)

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  • 3 weeks later...

How many conservatives does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Twelve to investigate Clinton's involvement in the failure of the old bulb, twenty-three to deregulate the light bulb industry, sixteen to cut funding for alternative lighting R&D, thirty-four to cut the tax rate on light bulbs, fifty-three to design a block grant so the states can change the bulb, forty-one to talk with defense contractors about night-vision gear instead, and two hundred and eighty-three to pass a law making it illegal to discuss naked bulbs (or screwing anything) on the Internet.

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