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Accelerated Evolution

What shall I do about him?


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So, I've been friends with this guy for years now. He recently broke up with his girlfriend of 1.5 years. Before they broke up, he had started telling me that he's liked me for a while and always thought he didn't have a chance, etc.

Well, his girlfriend and him broke up because he was always talking about this girl who he met recently named "Megan". (I know his girlfriend pretty well too.) She has even spent the night. She's actually over there right now actually. He's been claiming they are just friends. (In the mean time, myself and him have been getting very close.)

2 days ago however, he told me he asked Megan out, but "just to get to know her." Basically acting like it shouldn't bother me even though I was trying like hell not to throw up or cry when I found out.

I'm not very good at expressing emotions with people who could hurt me, by the way.

He's my best friend so it's hard for me to tell him I don't want to speak to him anymore, but I'm really hurt over this whole issue, and I believe if I wasn't his first interest to begin with, I don't want to be with him. (She is moving away.)

Basically, I'm wondering how I deal with him, and since no one here knows me well I thought I'd get some opinions here. Do I risk it and tell him? I don't really want to be a rebound though. Do I keep trying to hide it all the time? Do I tell him I don't want to speak with him anymore? And what the hell has he been thinking throughout all this?

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It's situations like these that inspire me to input my personality into a binary string and live a calm life as a robot somewhere.

Seriously, it'd be all kinds of awesome. I mean, first off, I'd be a robot, which has obvious benefits. 'Twould certainly make it easier to upgrade my proverbial gray matter, as it were. But more importantly, I wouldn't fall in love with anyone. Calling it love gives it too much credit, though. Love is a genuine emotion with purpose and good things come with it.

If I were a robot, I wouldn't become randomly infatuated.

In your situation, I wouldn't know what to do if I were you. I certainly wouldn't have the balls to do what I'm about to suggest, but perhaps you do.

My suggestion is this: Go up to him and say something along the lines of what you said here. Explain in simple terms how you feel and tell him what you would want to happen in an ideal world. The operative idea here is to stay calm, which is impossible, and to work things out in a way that is satisfactory to everyone. This is also probably impossible but it doesn't mean you shouldn't try. At the very least you will have the moral high ground, or think you do, by being (relatively) mature about the whole mess.

I'm not entirely certain I understand everything that's going on, but, seriously, all sarcasm aside, that would be my suggestion. Talk it through.

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the guy doesn't exactly seem open, upfront or very honest- and that's a recipe for disaster in any relationship.

Yeah, that's the bottom line. It really is that simple. Even if he ends up choosing you over the others, the fact is that is he dishonest. And there's nothing you can do to change that.

If you're looking for an honest, open, committed, and perhaps serious relationship- look elsewhere end of story.

If you're looking to have fun at the cost of lots of tears, start up some shit with some dumb bitches, drama, and perhaps thrills- go for it, if you're into that kind of thing, why the fuck not.

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Online advise does nothing to soothe the tortured heart. Good luck.

True, but it is advice. Due to all the drama I had nowhere else to ask. ^^;;

For right now we are still friends, but that's definitely it. I guess you could say I had an epiphany last weekend. I'm feeling much better about everything now though. (Not that anyone cares, but I like random conversation.)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Online advise does nothing to soothe the tortured heart. Good luck.

yet it does more than agonising alone over a problem close to heart.. as the viewpoints of others can have great influence upon you...

Dreamer, that's probably the best thing you could do. honesty in a relationship (any relationship, be it platonic or romantic) is important.

Personally, i find the kind of person he seems like (just based on what you've posted) to be the kind of people i dispise...

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Let me give you some advice because I have personal experience in something like this, more or less because this "guy" sounds like me in March of this year.

This is going to be blunt, but I will answer all of the questions:

And what the hell has he been thinking throughout all this?

For some guys, once the boundary of friendship and love has been crossed, he will only stay friends with you as a backup plan. It may seem like he doesn't care, but he is secretly keeping the "friendship" part of the relationship alive so he can rebound to you in a time of need, and no one wants that.

I suggest distancing yourself from him for the sole reason that he will start seeking you when he and Megan have hard times, and I know of girls succumbing to guys that they like easily in these types of situations (not saying you have any desire to, though). More than likely he is saving you as his trump card, like I have done as well.

I'm wondering how I deal with him, and since no one here knows me well I thought I'd get some opinions here. Do I risk it and tell him? I don't really want to be a rebound though. Do I keep trying to hide it all the time? Do I tell him I don't want to speak with him anymore?

Like I mentioned earlier, you will most likely need to distance yourself; mean are weak creatures emotionally, and we do look for an easy escape plan when it is needed. From what I gather, he doesn't respect your feelings enough to spare you the details of his other relationships even after he has confessed some type of feelings for you. If there is one general rule with ex-girlfriends for me, it's never to speak of your current relationships when talking to them for the simple fact that bringing up painful situations is detrimental to your post-intimate relationship.

He's my best friend so it's hard for me to tell him I don't want to speak to him anymore, but I'm really hurt over this whole issue, and I believe if I wasn't his first interest to begin with, I don't want to be with him. (She is moving away.)

Since you weren't his first interest, make sure you reassure yourself of that fact when you distance yourself from him, because even though I don't know you, I will give you the benefit of the doubt and say that you are most likely to good of a person to be on the proverbial "dating food chain". You would be selling yourself short for being a part of his failed love life and mainly serve as the maid, cleaning up the remnants of his broken heart all while feeling sorry for him, thus making yourself weak.

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  • 1 month later...

I'm so glad I didn't waste my time with this jerk.

He told his ex girlfriend we had talked about getting together, and now she hates me, and I've been having to deal with her and her friends calling me and leaving just lovely messages.

He didn't even feel like warning me about any of this. Obviously he never cared to begin with.

This happened a while ago, but I thought it might be interesting to let everyone know how the friendship ended as well.

4-5 years of friendship that meant nothing.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

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I'm so glad I didn't waste my time with this jerk.

He told his ex girlfriend we had talked about getting together, and now she hates me, and I've been having to deal with her and her friends calling me and leaving just lovely messages.

He didn't even feel like warning me about any of this. Obviously he never cared to begin with.

This happened a while ago, but I thought it might be interesting to let everyone know how the friendship ended as well.

4-5 years of friendship that meant nothing.

Thanks for the advice everyone.

Ouch.

Perhaps you'll be interested in helping me research how to become a robot? With no emotions, none of this would have happened~!

Er, yes, though, that sucks. Quite a bit.

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Well young lady, do not be discouraged. What you just described in this thread sounds like your typical 15 to 19 year old male. The kind that is not straight up, indecisive, & pretty much wants to screw as many girls as he can get his filthy little hands on.

How old are you, if you don't mind me asking? I typically tell girls that they should look for a guy that's about 4 to 6 years older than them if they are looking for something serious, provided that the girl is within "legal" age. Hahaha! It's the mental state of guys and girls. You can relate to a guy that's about 4 years older than you, than a guy that's almost your age. Girls mature a lot quicker. Guys take a lot longer to mature, but when they do, they mature much harder & faster than girls, almost an overnight thing.

Well young lady, good luck. ( ^_^)/

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I came home and I realized my dorm smelled like weed. I thought this odd as I don't smoke and neither does my roommate, and no one else could've gotten in my room. I then realized that the window was open and I live on campus at a college.

I was talking to a friend of mine who went to college in Wisconsin but is from LA, and he says there is more weed here than anywhere he's ever been. He was completely shocked.

Although there isn't nearly as much weed at my college as there was at my high school.

Um, how strict are they on being on topic here? ^^;;

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I was talking to a friend of mine who went to college in Wisconsin but is from LA, and he says there is more weed here than anywhere he's ever been. He was completely shocked.

Although there isn't nearly as much weed at my college as there was at my high school.

Um, how strict are they on being on topic here? ^^;;

What's a topic?

Anyway, my college is somewhat known as a big drug college... There's a dude from Baltimore here who swears by the weed here, he says the East Coast sucks and he never wants to go back.

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What's a topic?

Anyway, my college is somewhat known as a big drug college... There's a dude from Baltimore here who swears by the weed here, he says the East Coast sucks and he never wants to go back.

If he does I must, must hang out with the guy. We in Bmore love our weed.

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