I don't care about my ex anymore...

[Kyoudai]

I don't really want to post this here, and sound like a kid who can't get over his first love, because that isn't what this is.

Most importantly, I'm in a great relationship, and I love my girlfriend. I have no interest in ever seeing my ex again, and I would especially never want to date her again. All of this is absolutely true, so that is why I can't figure out why sometimes (not often, but sometimes) I still think about her, and what we once had.

I had a thread about what happened to me and my ex a LONG time ago in here, and it was titled something like "A story of love slashed suddenly at the scorce." and it was basicly me just being emo about her breaking up with me in a very crappy way. Long story short, I met her over the internet, fell in love, moved to be with her, lived there for a year and was very happy, couldn't find a job that paid enough to support us, so I moved home where I knew I could get one, and as soon as I got home, she dumped me over the internet.

But that isn't what this thread is about. For some reason my current girlfriend wanted to see what she looked like, and found her myspace page and showed me it. In that page I leared that she not only had a new boyfriend, but was already freaking engaged to him! Now, I really don't care, honestly. Now that I'm out of that relationship I can see that she would have just been a huge burden on me because she has a heart condition (Mitrol Valve Prolapse, MVP) that she uses as an excuse to do absolutely nothing but sit at home all day and play FFXI online. This is no exaggeration. But at the time I was in love with her and I didn't care about that. I see the light now, which is why I'm glad I'm out of that relationship and in a new one with a girl who is much sweeter, and prettier too.

The reason I make this thread is because I just tried to go to bed, since i have to get up very early with a long drive ahead of me for work, and I can't sleep. As I lay there, I have this sick feeling in my gut, and I can't seem to stop thinking about the fact that my ex girlfriend is already marrying a guy she's been dating for 7 or 8 months at the most. And she's barely ever actually been with him physicly since he's in the military. I don't know WHY it is bothering me, becasue I honestly have no interest in ever being with her again. I'm so upset with her about all the things she said to my face, but then did behind my back. Its a really long story that I don't want to elaborate on, but that thread I already mentioned has the full story and I'm sure it's a few paged back. If you want to read it, it can be found here: The full story.

I still am upset at everything she did right at the end. But I've stopped thinking about it. But tonight I just can't shake this sick feeling in my gut and I can't figure out why anything she would be doing would effect me anymore at all. In fact, I am happy for her. I don't want her to just spend the rest of her life sitting at her parents house playing FFXI. (she's currently 26, by the way, she's no kid.) I really do hope this guy makes her happy, and can put up with fully supporting her for her whole life. So why do I like this? I have no idea.

I'll stop rambling now, as all I'm doing is repeating myself. And I'm going to attempt to go back to sleep. I only have a few hours before i need to be up anyway.

[Belial]

Feelings don't usually make a lot of sense man. I guess you have to approach this whole situation with that in the front of your mind.

[Alundra]

Hiko, I know how you are feeling, I am having a similar situation at the moment as well.

I broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years a few months ago, and pretty much wiped every memory clean of her since then, in fact, my girlfriend found I had alot of our "couple stuff" in my closet a few days ago that I forgot about (kind of) and decided to bury it once and for all. So, we took said stuf to a remote location in a forest up North and burned it in it's unholy glory, and I just stood there, contemplating the fire, yet still feling some type of want and regret.

I'm not sure if this girl was your first love, but she was mine, and I'm going to tell you right now that you may never be able to shake the feelings that you have right now; they may lessen, but you will never be able to erase it from your mind, just like you don't forget your first time having sex.

I know that personally, I don't want to find out what she is doing right now, even though it's only one phone call away. I feel as if I did find out what exactly she is doing now, all of those feelings of pain and anguish I went through after breaking up with her, even though I did it for the better of my mental health, wouold ust arise again and put a strain on my current relationship.

You're going to miss that relationship for whatever it gave you that your current one may be missing, whether it be security, lust, love, or what have you, it's like some wierd unbreakable bond you have. If you miss the security of your past relationship, then that's what will pain you the most, the equation is quite simple.

[Kyoudai]

That makes a lot of sence. I understand exactly what you are saying because my ex was indeed my first love. I've been doing the best I can to completely forget about her, and I'm doing a good job, and I'm fine. But when I hear about her, like what she's doing now or something, then I get that weird sense of anxiety that just won't go away, and even prevents me from sleeping... Even though I really have no interest in ever dating her again. I love my current girlfriend. I just wish I could erase my ex from my memory forever. I don't WANT to miss her, or anything we had together. I just want to move on.

I too have some things stored away in a box that she had given me that I just couldn't throw away. THey mean nothing but pain to me now, but they once meant a lot, so I just couldn't destroy them. Maybe I should do it anyway.

I also don't feel like this is something I want to talk to my girlfriend about. We've discussed our ex's in detail before. But I don't want to tell her that hearing that my ex is getting marred just half a year after dumping me is bothering me. I don't want her to think I still love her, because I definately do not.

[The Diabetic]

Just burn it Hiko it serves as a reminder of a mistake and just hurts you don't keep it. If you do keep it you can't really ever move on, and as for your ex, fuck her man. She treated you like garbage and she's only engaged to the guy prolly over online anyway. I know my advice might be a little tainted cause I had a similar situation as you did in some extents but yeah best idea is just get rid of the crap and remember how fucking controlling manipulative bitch she was.

[Alundra]

That makes a lot of sence. I understand exactly what you are saying because my ex was indeed my first love. I've been doing the best I can to completely forget about her, and I'm doing a good job, and I'm fine. But when I hear about her, like what she's doing now or something, then I get that weird sense of anxiety that just won't go away, and even prevents me from sleeping... Even though I really have no interest in ever dating her again. I love my current girlfriend. I just wish I could erase my ex from my memory forever. I don't WANT to miss her, or anything we had together. I just want to move on.

Unfortnately, I think you and I will have the same problem for a long time; it's just an unavoidable part of life that you have to deal with when you give your heart and soul to someone who steals it away. I gave up on the previous relationship after going through way too much pain, even though I desperately wanted it to work out for the both of us, at that time I really did believe I was supposed to take that woman as my wife.

Part of you is still with her, part of your mind yearns to return to that complacent state where you know you were happy. When it is suddenly taken away, your mind and heart want to return to it, and even though you eventually seperate yourself from it, you know you haven't completely. Relationships are like drugs: coming down is as close to hell as it gets.

I too have some things stored away in a box that she had given me that I just couldn't throw away. THey mean nothing but pain to me now, but they once meant a lot, so I just couldn't destroy them. Maybe I should do it anyway.

You need to get rid of it, seriously. As much as you don't want to believe it, the reality of keeping something that you know exists is because you have some sort of attachment to it, or hold it in some sentimental regaurd. When Katie (my current girlfriend, if you didn't know) and I took my ex's stuff to the burning spot, I felt some sort of anxiety, I felt remorse, I felt like I was about to watch something I couldn't make work in my life be destroyed, and it was. Even though it may only be sort of a symbolic release and nothing more, your mind will be at ease knowing that you have no material goods to reawaken any memories that would hinder your current mental state.

I also don't feel like this is something I want to talk to my girlfriend about. We've discussed our ex's in detail before. But I don't want to tell her that hearing that my ex is getting marred just half a year after dumping me is bothering me. I don't want her to think I still love her, because I definately do not.

You are smart, you should never discuss this type of thing with someone you are with, it just makes them feel so worthless because you actually want to talk to them about where your heart may be in some way. I would never tell Katie if I was suffering inside because I missed my ex, I would confide in a friend so that I can get it off my chest and not think about it, telling her would just let her know that I don't respect her enough to keep it to myself.

[DreamerGirl]

Well, you know you still don't love her, so it should pass. Really the best bet is to not think about it anymore and try to move foward with your life.

I would say how you are feeling is pretty normal though. My first love and I had been broken up for two years, but when he got married to his wife I enjoyed quite a few drinks with my friends that day. It was rough.

On the plus side, now when I see his family it doesn't bother me anymore. I used to wonder why it had to end but now that I've taken a step back I've realized eventually it would have no matter what. Sometimes I even wonder if I loved him as much as I thought because now there's someone else that I'm having an even harder time getting over.

Until you find the one you don't have to get over, it's a neverending cycle. There's always someone you're getting over it seems.... That could just be my issue though.

[Anime Gee]

Don't worry young man. You're discombobulated by the fact that she was not willing to get with you, even though you were certain that you had a good vibe going with her & to top it all off, you find out that she's suddenly engaged. I kinda know what you're feeling. Seems like you feel let down & betrayed. That feeling lingers for a long time. You'll get over it. It'll probably take a long while, but you'll get over it. Immerse yourself in work or some other activity & your current girlfriend & before you know it, that feeling will be gone. (^_^ )

[amy]

I think what Alundra is saying is really interesting. I guess you just have to put her in the "this is over" box in your head. Go ahead and think all angry like "I NEVER WANT TO THINK ABOUT HER AGAIN" if it helps you now, but I think she should just go in the "I can't do it again, I don't want to do it again, but it was wonderful at the time" part of your brain. When you're really old, you will remember her happily.

[Ceraziefish]

My first girlfriend is dating one of my friends from high school right now.

When I first heard about it I was pissed, because I had sort of forgotten she existed. But, I got over it, and I'm not exactly sure how. I guess it was just time?

Well, I guess what I'm saying is it's not uncommon to get annoyed when you find out an ex is with someone new. I know I've heard other people say things like that and it does suck.

I guess I have no real advice, but I hope you feel better. It sounds like things are going well for you, anyway.

[Kyoudai]

You guys are right about keeping that stuff in a box. I'm sitting here wondering why the hell DID I keep it? Someday I might open that box and find it, and have this feeling all over again. Because to look at that stuff makes me think "Aww, I remember this. She gave me this when... blah blah blah," and all that. It makes me happy for like 10 seconds, then reality taps me on the shoulder and reminds me of what happened since she gave me the item, and then looking at it makes me feel like crap again.

I do need to burn it all. I need to get rid of this sig, too. I made it the night she broke up with me. Hopefully watching all that stuff burn will purify my mind of her and let me take some reasurance in the fact that I am able to move on. And I never want yesterday to interfere with today. She's already hurt me enough, I need to stop letting her do it now.

Besides, I hate feeling like a whiney emo kid. Why didn't I listen to you and Guru back then, DRL? Now I can't even see the name of my favorite video game girl without thinking about that cold hearted bitch.

[The Diabetic]

It's alright, and Guru already said (one of the few times he's been on in forever) that we all make mistakes. And not being able to look at Nakoruru may be a blessing cause that means you can finally move on to hot police daughter ass.

[Kyoudai]

Hahaha, I can't argue with that. My girlfriend and I are doing great, so I guess I'll focus on that and won't worry about anything else.

Unfortunately, I know I'll never be able to completely forget about my ex. But I'm still moving on, and eventually I think that my memories of her won't bother me anymore.

[Scarface]

You can get rid of memories, but that's an entire different approach.

Memories serve as our past events. Good, bad or otherwise, you can always look back and reflect on what you have accomplished in the past. Again, that ebing good, bad, or otherwise.

It sucks man, and I never wish that upon any of my friends. It's life, it makes you deal with things and of the sort, some can be a burden that is hard to shake off.

But, if you really couldn't move on, then you would have never met and started dating this new girl. That shows growth. It means you did move on. You learned from the past and are living in the present.

Dwelling sucks. I'd lie if I said it's bad to dwell on things, because even the best of us do it from time to time.

Live life man. And you always know if yer ever online you can talk to me about anything.

[bizzarozod]

you don't have to (it sounds like) to regret

and you did feel for her, you didnt stop feeling those things, she did.

i'm not being coarse here i'm just saying that its ok to still have feelings somtimes for somone you went out with. i mean you went out with them in the first place for a reason, you liked them.

the fact that you remember the good times is EXTREMLY healthy, as apposed to reliving the bad moments over and over and blaming yourself.

cheer up man, you've got a good thing going

[JeremyGEE]

Train yourself to not care. Worked for me.

[bizzarozod]

Train yourself to not care. Worked for me.

serenity now, EXPLOSION later

[LinkOcarinaMan]

Hiko, ya know I love you man, but you have to get over it.

And LOL @ Alundra. Your overblown theater was great. Remote location, forest up north, bury the tainted memories of my ex!!!! This shit is better than any movie.

[Alundra]

Hiko, ya know I love you man, but you have to get over it.

And LOL @ Alundra. Your overblown theater was great. Remote location, forest up north, bury the tainted memories of my ex!!!! This shit is better than any movie.

Hey dipshit, do you know that when you live in a city that you have to actually go somewhere remote to burn something?

Please go and have sex with your blow-up anime dolls and stop attacking my life because you are upset that you don't have one. I like how Hiko can have a sob story, and you don't say shit, but when someone that never let you be a prick everyhwhere you go on this board has a similar story, your opinion changes.

I love when people like to hide their insecurities by making fun of someone else that actually has something going on in there life, I get a little enjoyment as I down some Jack.

Get over the past, cheers.

[LinkOcarinaMan]

You can tell that much about me from an internet post? LOL @ prophet Alundra, or should I say prophet Speechless.

And if not being an overbearing drama queen means having no life, then yeah, I guess I have none.

[Alundra]

You can tell that much about me from an internet post? LOL @ prophet Alundra, or should I say prophet Speechless.

And if not being an overbearing drama queen means having no life, then yeah, I guess I have none.

Oh, your highness, forgive me for actually having some experience ion this department of life that I can actually give advice about it.

Overbearing drama queen? Please, spare me. I have been a fair amount of women in my life to be able to give sound advice to someone that was going through something I could relate to in a very personal way. No one that is going through soething like this wants to hear, "LOL get over it", because that's just a lame escapist way to put it; I have read Hiko's posts and realized that he must have gone through alot of pain and suffering during that time, and sometimes people need someone to relate to in order to find identity in the situation.

Telling someone to get over it when they are going through a breakup of this proportion is the absoloutely wrong way to go about it since logic would dictate that since someone actually was with another person because they wanted to be happy and stave off the fear of being alone, they wouldn't want to feel like they were alone in their current feelings, it just feeds the vicious cycle.

I guess you'll understand someday; someone will change your life and turn it upside down, and you'll come to realize that what you need is relation to your problems.

[LinkOcarinaMan]

Talking to him is fine, but when you start talking about gathering up the items that remind you of your ex and bringing them to a remote location to burn/bury them, you are being a drama llama who is doing nothing but looking for pity/attention.

And if a breakup is the worst thing you have gone through in your life then you should consider yourself very VERY lucky. Get over yourself.

[Alundra]

Talking to him is fine, but when you start talking about gathering up the items that remind you of your ex and bringing them to a remote location to burn/bury them, you are being a drama llama who is doing nothing but looking for pity/attention.

Did you read my post as all? Did you, shall I reiterate for the comprehension impaired?

I'm telling Hiko, "Here is what I did to get over said problem, maybe you should try it". Some people actually find purpose and release in symbolism; fire ends all things, it doesn't come back and when you light the flame, you have already made the decision for yourself to let it go. I found a great release in performing such actions and wish I had done it sooner; Hiko doesn't neccesarily have to take it the way I did, but when you want to just finally put that very large and important part of your life behind you, sometimes actually watching it vanish in front of your eyes, by choice, feels great.

And if a breakup is the worst thing you have gone through in your life then you should consider yourself very VERY lucky. Get over yourself.

No, sorry. I've been abused as a child, sequestered, subject to drug use, alchoholism, spousal abuse, half of my family dying, almost losing my mother, I have almost died a few times, was misdiagnosed with cancer for a few months, kicked out of my house, lived on the streets, thought I had killed someone ealer this month, lost alot of things important to me, been used and abused by friends, and cheated on by lovers.

I'm not flaunting these things, but I'm just letting you know that I have run quite the gamut in life and think I have a fair amount of experience to share my thoughts on it

But no, maybe I should get over it.

[LinkOcarinaMan]

We can all relate to those things in one way or another, so yeah, you should get over it.

And it seems like you do wear them as a badge of pity since you always make sure to post about it on the internet, and on an anime message board no less.

[Alundra]

We can all relate to those things in one way or another, so yeah, you should get over it.

No, no you can't. Not everyone knows what it's like to be beaten by someone they can't get away from: their own parents, take mental abuse from someone that enjoys inflicting it every day, confines you to your room for 5 years, watching their mother be beaten and not able to do something about it (and the one time he tried to, he ends up getting thrown into a wall and fractures a bone).

That's just a small taste of what my life was, and I fucking doubt too many people are going to come into this thread and say, "Yeah, this happens to everyone."

And it seems like you do wear them as a badge of pity since you always make sure to post about it on the internet, and on an anime message board no less.

I don't give a shit what you or anyone else here thinks about me. I post in Life Discussion about, you guessed it: Life! People attack me because I share my life with them in the section where we talk about it, although I'm not too sure why they would do so. The only other place I post about it is in General, which, oh my God, has no real restrictions on subject matter.

I blog, I like sharing my life with others, I guess that's just me being social and sharing what makes me happy. I'm sorry that I'm not a self-hating anti-social loser that only wants to talk about how pathetic and horrible my life of comfort of living at home, don't have to have a job, and have my mommy and daddy pay for my college, is. I find release in sharing what is going on with me, it makes me feel better to jst put it down on some type of medium, and I have known you AE'ers for years and years, so why not a place that I consider some members family?