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Accelerated Evolution

My life

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I don't really think there's anything anyone can say to make me feel better, but I just need to get this out.

I got a text message today from my friend offering to pay to move me out to California. (Which includes my best friend, my friend her husband, and her son.) Then, they got the person I'm second closest to involved as well.

Now, back when I was applying to colleges it was my dream to go to one in Cali. (UCLA) but it just wouldn't work out and I gave up on it. I've been really talking about just taking off after graduation and "living for me" for a while, and this opportunity came up just a year too soon.

Basically if I transfer I won't graduate on time and I won't even have the money to live out there anyways. It's just something that I really really wanted to do and brought to the surface my real issues, of which I'm not dealing so well with. (It's like I just ran into a brick wall.)

Next May I'll graduate, and then I'm going right to graduate school for at least 2 years and then I was planning on getting a job in Virginia even though I really don't want to live in that state it pays well and seemed interesting. I'd also be really accomplished, and make everyone happy, but...

I had a lot of responsibilities growing up, and in a lot of ways didn't get the normal childhood. I'm not going to go into the whole "woe is me" bs or anything, but I'm bitter, angry, and really upset that I'll never get that chance if I keep up with my current "plan." My friends got to live together, hang out, and waste away after high school while I was stuck at home dealing with playing parent and going to both school and work. It doesn't take a idiot to notice I've missed out.

So, now it seems not only will my closest friends get to party in Cali without me, but I'll be stuck here in this life that I suddenly don't want anything to do with, and I'm just not sure how to deal.

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Even if I could, I couldn't afford rent and school. It's not possible. I can barely make myself go to class when I'm working 25-30 hours a week, let alone over 40. And with how high rent is over there, it'd be pretty much impossible to pay for both even working full time.

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Yeah, I wanted to go to school in the UC system, but it's pretty much impossible if you're from out of state (they accept 2% of out-of-state applicants, and out-of-state tuition is about 3x normal).

I don't know. California's alright. But I really wouldn't get that worked up over not getting to go to California. Why can't you come out and live with them after you've graduated and done all that? I mean, I guess, yes, they'll pay for it now, but if you were going to move without them you would've had to pay anyway.

If I were you I wouldn't worry about this. Just keep doing the best you can and stick to your plan (for now. Deviations from The Plan [you know, everyone has at least some semblance of a A Plan] should not be taken lightly).

My short term advice is to take some time to yourself, get some tea, and think about it.

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