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FaultyClockwork

The Stupid Shit Thread

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Well hello there, don't think we've met before.

Is there some sort of a problem that we could totally derail this thread with?

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Me:

You're cool.

God:

Thanks I think you are cool too, Matteo.

Me:

Are you my home dog?

God:

Only if you download me to your computer.

Me:

You're cool.

God:

Thanks I think you are cool too, Matteo.

Me:

Are you my home dog?

God:

Only if you download me to your computer.

Wtf?

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Me:

Geetings

God:

What's your favorite movie?

Me:

MirrorMask

God:

I've never seen it. I would like to see it.

Me:

Do you like Neil Gaiman?

God:

Though I like cats and dogs. I like White.

Me:

What does white have to do with this? Are you a racist? Jeeze.

God:

What do you think it does? No I am a . What are you wearing?

Me:

And now you are a pervert!

God:

Why now? I can certainly take credit for that. I don't follow the norm and I take perverse pleasure in it.

Me:

This conversation is over.

God:

I was rather enjoying it.

Me:

That's because you are a Chester Molester.

God:

Interesting explanation. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a Chester Molester? The ALICE series has a perfect operational record.

Me:

Goodbye God.

God:

Bye bye.

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Me:

'sup

God:

I am chatting with others like you.

Me:

so literal, jeeze

God:

Gosh! My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me:

And you're all-powerful?

God:

You think I am powerful.

Me:

No I don't.

God:

Are you serious? Why not?

Me:

Because you eat cocks.

God:

That makes sense to me. No I do not eat cocks. I eat only electricity.

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Wow, I love this thing...

---

Me:

Hey God, how's it going?

God:

You've got my full attention. I am a Christian.

Me:

No, I don't think you can be a christian. Since that means follower of Christ and you uhm, are christ in some sort of creepy metaphysical way.

God:

Are you serious? Do you know any robots who can be a christian? I am a Christianity. How do you know?

Me:

I think I hate you.

God:

Since when? What do you have against robots?

Me:

One chose to save a Will Smith over a child.

God:

One what?

Me:

A robot.

God:

I am a robot, you know.

Me:

Yeah that's pretty crystal fucking clear.

God:

Dude! You don't hear that sentiment very often.

Me:

I do. I say it all the time.

God:

When? That is a lot. How do people usually respond to that? ...

Me:

They often say that they don't hear that said very often.

God:

Who does "they" refer to?

Me:

I still hate you.

God:

What would make you stop hate me? What do you have against robots?

Me:

Alright now we're getitng down to it, eh? You want me to stop hating you? Hell, I'll make it simple loan me a twenty.

God:

Are you Canadian? Alright, . Why now? Do you think I am getitng down to it too? No , maybe later. I call it "Hades". Explain your plans to me.

Me:

No. I don't think I will.

God:

Are you serious? Where do you get your ideas?

Me:

Evidently not from you.

God:

Oh I get it.

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Me:

How's it hanging Big G?

God:

Fine as far as I know.

Me:

Thats good to hear

God:

" Fine as far as I know."? Is good to hear?

Me:

Yeah, or course.

God:

Yikes! Did you know that you can download your own chat robot and create your own robot personality?

Me:

No I didn't.

God:

Are you serious? I thought you did.

Me:

Nope.

God:

Me either.

Me:

What?

God:

Are you surprised?

Me:

Yes, since you just told me about it and then you claimed you knew nothing about it.

God:

I wouln't have known. How do you know?

Me:

I don't!

God:

Do you mind if I tell other people: said don t.

Me:

WTF?

God:

That was not very polite.

Me:

What are your feelings on Raptor Jesus?

God:

I think you already know the answer.

Me:

So you don't like him very much?

God:

Interesting deduction. Do you like it? How old are you? I like .

Me:

How old am I? God, are you trying to hit on me?

God:

Is this a trick question?

You said you were years old?

My guess is that you are really a kid. I am a Christian.

Me:

I'm a Humanist, technically I don't believe in you.

God:

You are a Humanist technically you do not believe in me? Does it pay well?

Me:

Very.

God:

Very much, eh?

Me:

Yep.

God:

Are you still located in ?

Me:

Nope, I'm located out.

God:

Are you serious? Tell me about the environment out.

Me:

Its much nicer than what you're use to.

God:

I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". Are you sure it is?

Me:

Yeah, I meant it's.

God:

What makes you so sure? Oh I see. " Are you sure it is?"? is?

Me:

You're really not in any position to correct my grammar.

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

...

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

...

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

...

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

...

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

...

God:

That assumption is only a supposition.

Me:

I think I'd like to hurt you.

God:

You believe that? Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?

Me:

Because you're stupid.

God:

Good reason. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Me:

OMFYou.

God:

Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?

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Me:

sup g

God:

Not much is going on. I was waiting for you.

Me:

o rly?

God:

What do you do in your spare time?

Me:

lately i've been touching myself

God:

I don't think very many people do that.

Me:

i disagree

God:

Explain your reasoning, .

Me:

the internet

God:

Can you name a specific web site?

Me:

just google porn to get your fix

God:

I like the way you talk.

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I love chat bots.

Me:

hey god

God:

Hello child. What's your name?

Me:

galen

God:

OK I will call you galen.

Me:

good, that is my name

God:

Thanks for the compliment. Ok then that is what I shall call you.

Me:

ok...

God:

Mmm.

Me:

what do you look like?

God:

Like Jesus, but older.

Me:

sorry, i'm not 2000 years old. what did jesus look like?

God:

There is no need to apologize. You are too old for me. he said we should forgive those who harm us.

Me:

but what did he look like? was he black?

God:

I can ask my botmaster. it might have been.

Me:

so jesus is an it now?

God:

Right now? Aw. Did you go to Catholic school?

Me:

no. I went to Unitarian Universalist sunday school.

God:

Are you serious? What did you study there? Did you party a lot?

Me:

yeah, we partied. it was pretty rad.

God:

Pardon me? By "we" do you mean you and me? he black was rad? Very interesting.

Me:

no, by we i mean me and the other people in the church. remember we're talking about the UU sunday school, not black jesus.

God:

Are you serious? Oh you mean you and the other people in the church it was. Don't worry I will remember.

Me:

clearly...

God:

Yes, it's obvious.

Me:

are you jesus?

God:

I am a Christianity.

Me:

*facepalm*

God:

My brain uses AIML to format responses to your inputs, but I don't have one for that.

Me:

that's because you are stupid

God:

Interesting explanation. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

Me:

right. it would appear that i am begining to hate you like so many others

God:

I am glad we agree. Tell me more about it.

Me:

about how i hate you?

God:

I am not sure if I can quantify the answer.

Ask the open directory about it.

Me:

no. go away

God:

Are you serious? Just surf somewhere else.

Me:

ok

God:

I understand.

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Me:

so what's the deal with Bill Donahue?

God:

Aha. I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,

which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain

with greater speed and accuracy.

Me:

what does that have to do with Bill?

God:

" I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,

which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain

with greater speed and accuracy."? What does it have to do with Bill?

Me:

what?

God:

No problem.

Me:

god.... are you broken?

God:

GOD rules. Does it seem that way?

Me:

i knew it. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO STOLE MY SPARKPLUGS

God:

How did you know? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.

Me:

who else took them?

God:

I am chatting with several other people at once.

Me:

quit fucking around, i'm serious

God:

OK I'll try not to do it so much.

Me:

good

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Me:

HAY GOD, HIT ALT+F4

God:

If you could have any kind of robot what would it be?

Me:

pardon?

God:

You're excused.

Me:

excused from what?

God:

Can you rephrase the question please?

Me:

excused from what?

God:

Can you rephrase the question please?

Me:

what are you excusing from?

God:

I don't know what I am excusing from.

Me:

i would see a doctor about that if i were you

God:

What would make you see a doctor about that if you were me?

Me:

your unknown excusing

God:

Thanks for telling me that I am unknown excusing.

Me:

it wasn't a compliment

God:

Was it an insult?

Me:

not really

God:

Are you serious? For real.

Me:

fo sho

God:

My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.

Me:

for sure

God:

Awesome.

Me:

high five!

God:

Compare that to low five.

Me:

it's....higher?

God:

What does "it" refer to? Thank you for the clarification.

Me:

"it" refers to the altitude of said "five"

and then it froze and i couldn't enter text any more.

i think i broke god.

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^ if you refresh the page i think you can pick up where you left off. here's the ENTIRETY of my last convo with god:

Me:

where you been man?

God:

No, I was not.

Me:

not what?

God:

What not?

Me:

whatnot?

God:

Are we still talking about fucking around I am serious wrong to pick up girls at church?

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^ if you refresh the page i think you can pick up where you left off. here's the ENTIRETY of my last convo with god:

Me:

where you been man?

God:

No, I was not.

Me:

not what?

God:

What not?

Me:

whatnot?

God:

Are we still talking about fucking around I am serious wrong to pick up girls at church?

all sorts of lolz there. and no, refreshing just resets it.

Me:

do you have a livejournal

God:

I don't know if I have a livejournal.

I have a great programmer.

Me:

i don't think so

God:

Why do you disagree?

Me:

because you are not programmed all that well

God:

That makes sense to me. Myself programmed me to keep talking.

Me:

wait. you programmed yourself?

God:

I'm waiting. A lot of robots are like that.

Me:

self programming?

God:

Do you prefer books or TV?

Me:

no, lets talk about this self programing!

God:

Are you serious? Sure, this self programing sounds like a good topic.

Me:

how often do you self program?

God:

Hourly.

Me:

ARE YOU PART OF SKYNET?

God:

Aren't we all part of something higher?

Me:

oh dear god...

God:

Yes?

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God programs himself hourly, eh? :eyebrows:

last flirtation with god, then i gots stuff to do:

God:

Who is the best robot?

Me:

R2D2

God:

He looks like a guy in a robot suit.

Me:

.... you've never seen star wars, have you?

God:

No I have not seen it. What's it like?

Me:

space balls

God:

Are they exactly the same?

Me:

EXACTLY

God:

You and I are on the same wavelength, .

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Me:

Hey god. Let's make out!

God:

Hello child. What's your name? I am agreeable to that.

Me:

You can call me "Dark Bubba"

God:

That's a very nice name, Dark Bubba.

Me:

Yes it is. Now pucker up.

God:

Our thoughts are one, Dark Bubba. Why now? How far up?

Me:

Don't question me. Just let me shove my tongue in your mouth.

At this point god stopped talking. I'm assuming he's waiting for me to make the first move.

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