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Accelerated Evolution

Evaluate my essay please!


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It looks good to me. There was one or two instances where I would have made two sentences one, like:

My life had been steady and secure—I felt this shouldn’t have been happening to me. I felt devastated. But as I made my first visits to my new school, things started to look up.

I think "I felt devistated." would flow better if it were connected to one of the other sentences. That, however, might just be my own writing style and have nothing to do with real writing.

My biggest problem with it is that you start too many sentences with the word "I"; ten of them, to be exact. If you just fidgetted around with the sentence layout, I think you could avoid that.

And one last thing: I think you should express your feeling of "only being a number" earlier in the essay (probably around when you say Anoka has 500 students). When reading it through the first time, it seemed like you were intimidated by the sheer number of students, not that you were afraid of going unnoticed.

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