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Accelerated Evolution

The Sweetest Things


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I highly doubt you will ever have a decent girlfriend. o_o;;

I'm actually a wonderful boyfriend. Chicks a stupid bitch, is all.

I take her out on her birthday to eat, she looks at the food, puts 2 things aside to not eat, smells the food, and eats 1/4 of it. Then she's all pissy the rest of the night.

Also, her breath fucking smells really bad. Like I've been around alot of people in my life and none have come close to this. Like you can't be romantic with someone like that, because all you smell is shit. Even when we wern't close, I could smell that shit. ~_~

I would rock your world, if I were your boyfriend. I'm just picky with shit like that.

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My girlfriend buys me so much stuff.. just in the past couple weeks she bought me a Megadeth t-shirt (from the Heaven and Hell tour that I was so jealous she got to go to), something crazy from Ireland (where she's been for the past week), and a ticket to see Roger Waters perform Dark Side of the Moon at Madison Square Garden with her on Wednesday. She's the best.

I've been poor for the past two months, so I rarely ever get to buy her anything. Though I did buy a $300 plane ticket so that I could see her. But really, buying shit comes second to every thing else.

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Sounds like you're just bad at picking girls.

The breath thing probably wasn't really her fault either, she could have had halitosis or whatever...

Well sire, I never know how fucked up they will be untill I go out with them, and then I don't take it slow and declare it a relationship and they get all attached. u_u TEACH ME THE WAYS!

Yeah but can you handle it? the breath of el diablo rojo?

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marc, i do not have high standards but i think you are too much of a cynical bummer for me to date

Na, I'm real cool actually. But it wouldn't work out, you and I. Sorry amy. :(

I'd try and casually bring it up, suggest using a mouthwash with fluoride in it/visiting a dentist to see if there's anything that she can do about it. If there's nothing she could do about it, yeah, I could probably handle it.

Well then, I have no patience like you. You had to be there and meet her. She's rather annoying as fuck. But then again, you're a better soul than I am my friend. I say this in a non-sarcastic way too.

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Just kidding I am sure you are cool IRL (in a cynical guy way)

So cynical it scares me. Mostly because I don't realise how cynical I'm being yet It's up there. Like

Mom: You're going to your cousins wedding.

Me: It's not that I don't love him, but I rather not go.

Mom: You don't go to any family holiday gatherings, they already recent you enough.

Me: It's not like I don't love them, I just rather not go.


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Ok, so last summer this guy and I kinda dated. We were really close friends, but sadly we had both just broken up with people we really cared about and our judgement was probably really really clouded.

He had a custom ringtone for me (which he still has by the way.) *Insert awwws*

Problem is- It's Get Stoned by Hinder. XD Apparently I'm that psycho?

Ironically enough we're both back together with the people we broke up with. (I honestly just realized that.) o_o

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Eh, not my girlfriend, but for Valentine's Day I bought 3 roses (not red, 'cause red is lame) and spent a better portion of the day writing a cute little Valentine's poem which I wrote inside a card and tied to the roses with pretty ribbon and taped to the locker of the girl I like for her to find after school. :awesome: :awesome:

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A couple years ago, I bought 22 roses and gave one to 22 girls... in hopes that at least ONE would show a little gratitude. Worked out fairly well actually, especially showing up at these 3 girls' dorm and giving them ALL a flower. Funny enough, I wrote each girl a custom haiku that was THOROUGHLY EPIC. I only remember one of them:

On the day of love,

I only have one request...

Will you suck my tongue?

I didn't get my tongue sucked :sad:

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  • 2 months later...

I think my girlfriend just bought me a 360 today for our six month anniversary, but I'm not sure. She just said she spent a good amount of her money on something for me, and she said I mentioned that I wanted "something" earlier this week, but won't even give me a clue.

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I think my girlfriend just bought me a 360 today for our six month anniversary, but I'm not sure. She just said she spent a good amount of her money on something for me, and she said I mentioned that I wanted "something" earlier this week, but won't even give me a clue.

I think she's just letting you know she spent a lot of money so that you know you should probably get her something expensive in order to avoid looking dumb when you give her a Hallmark card.

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  • 6 months later...

Happy Valentine's Day bitches! What did you do?

I put a note on my girlfriend's door with a trail leading to her living room where a stack of chocolate chip pancakes waited for her along with a card, a rose, chocolate covered strawberries stuffed with cheesecake, and An Affair to Remember in the DVD player.

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