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Accelerated Evolution


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I think this is so beautiful.

I was sorry to lose the ending at "Go flip the record" though

But I love the new ending. I don't know. It's hard to comment on this except to say that there's a lot of power and I am really drawn into it

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my teeth feel kinda fuzzy and im going to brush them soon but i liked what you wrote. while it has a real stream of conscious thought about Bee rather than the technical aspects of a story, its also sounds very genuine. i'd like to read more.

also for some reason im kinda reminded of the book "synthetic byproducts" but the by the way you talk about the subtleties in the way you describe bee (thats all that reminds me of it, you might like the book though, deffinatly has too much of a tragic '90's goth feel to it).

rather than depicting a lot of physical features it's the way that you describe how bee acts with the physical world that makes her intriguing, and makes me want to know more about her.

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I like this. It's certainly well written.

One thing you fall into a lot is starting every sentence with the same word. This is especially extreme with the first paragraph "He did this. He did that. He was this. He was that." While it can be kind of cool, to make like a list, usually it's not, and it's kind of distracting. Other than that, though, it's good.

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