All craft, prepare to jump into hyperspace on my mark!

[Ceraziefish]

So, to recap, for those of you who don't go into RT or haven't been listening to me whine the last couple days.

My girlfriend, Nicole, is a beautiful woman who I love very much. We've been going out for several months, since last August. We've never had any serious problems in our relationship, even though we live about a hundred miles apart and I can only come visit her every other weekend (a possible complaint is that she has yet to come visit me once).

We were very good friends for about a year before we started going out. While things have been hard, we had a commitment to talk on the phone every day... Which led to a lot of me not partying, socializing, being under the influence of anything, what have you, because I had to talk to her and I couldn't go out and do these things. If I did, she would usually be rather disapointed and make me feel bad (this sounds worse than it is. She didn't necessarily do it intentionally and I'd be kind of a jackass if I didn't feel bad).

This paragraph is about sex, don't read if you don't care, blah blah blah

we used to have crazy good sex like, all the time. We're talking 2+ times a day (when I was up in Seattle, anyway), excellent each time. Basically, since the new year she just hasn't been as into it. In the last month and a half, we haven't had sex at all, despite me visiting her more than usual due to various reasons. She feels like she can't explain to me why we can't have sex, although she does feel bad about it. Now, for me, since I'm kind of a tool, sexuality is a huge thing in a relationship. I wish it wasn't, but it's part of who I am. Basically, I have a hard time believing my partner cares about me if we're not be sexual alot. Especially when she makes up excuses (it'd be easier if she just stuck to her story of "I can't explain why," but she felt the need to make up various excuses). What's also troubling is, since I was very good friends with her for so long, I knew that she stopped having sex with her last boyfriend for reasons she didn't explain to him about two months before they broke up. She says with me it's different but... A side effect of this is that nearly anything sexual reminds me of her and makes me miss her. Missing her is bad enough normally, but it's even worse when I know that even if I could be with her, I couldn't have sex with her. Everyone read this paragraph, didn't they? Fucking AE..., haha

I've seriously considered breaking up with her in the past, but I haven't. Not only did I not want to hurt her but I really do like being in a relationship with her. She's smart, funny, usually very mature, etc. But lately, we've been talking less and less (from over an hour each day to less than twenty minutes), always at her insistance, because she's always tired from belly dancing (she's a professional, her troupe is gearing up for a huge show) and she can't talk.

Another big part of this... I haven't been able to socialize, right? Well, lately she's been bragging about how she's been out drinking/partying/hot tubbing (this last one seriously bothers me, because one of her supposed reasons for why we couldn't have sex was that she didn't feel comfortable naked around other people anymore. Except apparently now she feels very comfortable naked with a number of much older people of both genders...) with various members of her troupe. Now, not only did I not receive a call, I didn't even get a text message or anything. I think I've been pretty good about texting her at least when I couldn't call, but I didn't hear anything from her. This hurt, quite a bit, especially because I've been trying to convince her to drink with me for awhile, and she always said she didn't like the idea. ...

Now, I called her up and we had a serious talk about this, and she basically said, "I don't want to break up with you, but I do want to have the freedom to do that kind of thing." To which I responded "We agreed that we wouldn't do things like that, and I've given up a ton of chances to do things like that." She admitted that this was kind of hypocritical. She also said that she wanted our relationship to not be so heavy this summer (which I've been looking forward to all school year, because I'll actually have time to spend time with her), and that "It's not you, it's me..." Classic pre-breakup material.

To put on top of this, do you all know how boring it is to go out on a "date" with your girlfriend, to see her favorite band (an Arabic classical music group), and be able to sit on the sidelines, watching her dance with all of her belly dance friends I haven't been introduced to, for about four hours? It's boring as hell. That was an extreme example but not isolated. Let's just say I've had the opportunity to get intimately acquainted with the ceilings of many of Seattle's finest belly dance venues.

Basically, she's always been honest about the fact that she cares about belly dancing more than me. I was fine with this, but lately, it's really been consuming her life in a way I don't think is positive anymore. I don't talk to her about this, because I know she would disregard me (that's just how she is).

Also, before we got together she would always talk about how she always wanted to split date expenses equally with her boyfriends, so as not to be sexist, right? Well, guess who often spends money on her...

Fuuck, man, I just want to get drunk and have sex with her. I'm pretty sure that would solve a lot of problems. We'd be drunk enough to be honest about our problems (I know I'm being honest but I'm just not convinced she is [i was lied to a lot as a child, so I'm kind of naturally suspicious, though]) and we'd have sex, which I know would help me a lot personally.

BTW: IRL friends, don't spread this around. High school drama is retarded enough when you're there, I don't want any part of it now that I'm out of high school. If I want to tell any of you who aren't on AE, I'll do it myself.

BLARGH BLARGH.

[Harrison Ford]

As someone who thinks your cool as shit dude... Dump her. To me it seems like she's paralyzing your life, while going on with hers. Also seems like she's fucking another dude/or sating another dude closer to her and is about to drop the bomb on you.

Leave her before she leaves you, you'll feel alot better.

Also, plenty of chicks out there that'll gladly go out with you. Don't feel like you're giving something up here that you'll never get back. If things have been rocky since new years, fuck this and move on.

[Ceraziefish]

Also seems like she's fucking another dude/or sating another dude closer to her and is about to drop the bomb on you.

I am quite sure she's not doing this. Really I'm sure it sounds super unrealistic of me but I really do know her too well.

[amy]

I know you and her have something really special and I'm just really sorry this is happening. .__. When is the important show? I'd wait until it's over to do whatever you're going to do

It sounds to me like maybe there is Another Dude but maybe she's just feeling a little choked. I don't know if that's in her character.

On the topic of Other Girls, I mean this in a totally platonic way but I always thought if I was going to have a boyfriend i'd want someone like CF. So yeah, plenty of women, if this is about Other Girls too.

[Harrison Ford]

I am quite sure she's not doing this. Really I'm sure it sounds super unrealistic of me but I really do know her too well.

Well you know her better than we do, my good dude. Have a deep heart to heart talk then. Like everything you just wrote, talk to her about it.

[PMA]

As much as I hate to say it... I agree with Marc.

I've always been a STAUNCH believer in cutting and running if a relationship is one-sided. You shouldn't have to put EFFORT into a relationship (I HATE the idea that you need to WORK to make a relationship healthy). ESPECIALLY when the other person isn't willing to put in the same amount of effort. Relationships are to an extent about sacrifice, on BOTH sides of the relationship. She's clearly fairly self-indulgent, and frankly, she can't be so fabulous that she's worth the effort.

I don't like the saying: "There are more fish in the sea." I prefer "There are better fish in the sea." To put yourself out there over some girl who wouldn't do the same for you is completely preposterous. Go find someone that'll treat you as good as you treat her.

[Tanni Foemangler]

honestly, it sounds like she REALLY doesn't give a shit about you. and the whole hot-tubbing with a bunch of other people while saying she doesn't feel good being naked around YOU thing is extra ridiculous

substantially more than i would put up with, that's for sure

[Ceraziefish]

I know you and her have something really special and I'm just really sorry this is happening. .__. When is the important show? I'd wait until it's over to do whatever you're going to do

It sounds to me like maybe there is Another Dude but maybe she's just feeling a little choked. I don't know if that's in her character.

On the topic of Other Girls, I mean this in a totally platonic way but I always thought if I was going to have a boyfriend i'd want someone like CF. So yeah, plenty of women, if this is about Other Girls too.

Thanks Amy. But, I can honestly say I really don't want Other Girls at this point. She's really different from every other girl I've ever met or especially been with (I've fooled around with some stupid girls, Galkar can attest to this). Plus she's gorgeous.

Really, due to various reasons that I'm not going to go into, because it isn't any of your guys' business (posting her private stuff as it doesn't really relate to me is not something I'm gonna do) but I really am quite sure she's not cheating on me and it really is possible that she's being asexual right now.

[Harrison Ford]

As much as I hate to say it... I agree with Marc.

*tear* :headbang:

[Natsu]

Honestly man, she seems kinda unsure about this relationship thing, you two are talking it out but it seems as if its not getting through try and be persistent, but at the same time be nice to her(which I know you will be) and the her putting the bellydancing and socializing with her friends instead of talking to you more, that alone must be some mixed emotion that shes not ready to commit..hell I dunno..I'm married and I still don't get the woman factor..but listen to this Robin.. you two should do somethings together that you both enjoy..and try and understand her infatuation with her hobbies and vice versa..thats a key..because you know what..Rita can't stand Videogames..but that changed when she met me

[Natsu]

Fuck you guys in saying give up....why..didn't you see that he really likes her?

[Ceraziefish]

As much as I hate to say it... I agree with Marc.

I've always been a STAUNCH believer in cutting and running if a relationship is one-sided. You shouldn't have to put EFFORT into a relationship (I HATE the idea that you need to WORK to make a relationship healthy). ESPECIALLY when the other person isn't willing to put in the same amount of effort. Relationships are to an extent about sacrifice, on BOTH sides of the relationship. She's clearly fairly self-indulgent, and frankly, she can't be so fabulous that she's worth the effort.

I don't like the saying: "There are more fish in the sea." I prefer "There are better fish in the sea." To put yourself out there over some girl who wouldn't do the same for you is completely preposterous. Go find someone that'll treat you as good as you treat her.

"Better fish in the sea" made me laugh. I don't know. I think we can work through it. If we can't, I'm gonna drop her, it's that simple. I mean, I didn't just do this shit for almost a year to cut and run at the first sign of trouble.

honestly, it sounds like she REALLY doesn't give a shit about you. and the whole hot-tubbing with a bunch of other people while saying she doesn't feel good being naked around YOU thing is extra ridiculous

substantially more than i would put up with, that's for sure

Well, I think she still does (otherwise she would've just dumped me, wouldn't have talked through this kind of thing with her).

[PMA]

There are COUNTLESS gorgeous girls out there who are "not like all the other girls." That's what you have to keep in mind. But if you REALLY want to work through it, I guess go for it. But remember, if she's not putting in as much effort as you are into FIXING THIS SHIT... then she's DEFINITELY not worth it.

[margot]

I agree with amy you should wait until after the big event thing. =X and also I think you are the kind of guy a lot of ladies want to date not that I think you are worried about that or anything.

as a side note I do think for a relationship to work you have to work on it. There is no way anyone would have a relationship that lasted more than a few years or something if people did not try really hard. eta but if you're young and you don't see yourself getting married or something i guess there's no reason to stress anyway

[Ceraziefish]

Honestly man, she seems kinda unsure about this relationship thing, you two are talking it out but it seems as if its not getting through try and be persistent, but at the same time be nice to her(which I know you will be) and the her putting the bellydancing and socializing with her friends instead of talking to you more, that alone must be some mixed emotion that shes not ready to commit..hell I dunno..I'm married and I still don't get the woman factor..but listen to this Robin.. you two should do somethings together that you both enjoy..and try and understand her infatuation with her hobbies and vice versa..thats a key..because you know what..Rita can't stand Videogames..but that changed when she met me

Thanks man. She can be pretty disparaging of video games sometimes, but then again, so can I (especially WoW -- fuck WoW. Any of you reading this who play it should quit). I don't know. we definitely share interests but some of them are things you can't really "do" together. We used to read books we really liked to each other (having a post-coital story time = :wub: )

[Harrison Ford]

Yeah dude, she doesn't seem to be putting in any effort. Also, she's never once visited you? What the shit is that.

[Natsu]

as a side note I do think for a relationship to work you have to work on it. There is no way anyone would have a relationship that lasted more than a few years or something if people did not try really hard.

I honestly couldn't say it any better.

[Natsu]

Thanks man. She can be pretty disparaging of video games sometimes, but then again, so can I (especially WoW -- fuck WoW. Any of you reading this who play it should quit). I don't know. we definitely share interests but some of them are things you can't really "do" together. We used to read books we really liked to each other (having a post-coital story time = :wub: )

I was using the Videogames as an example,..I mean the intrests part, I remember the pics of you two, and don't jump ship to early.

[Ceraziefish]

Yeah dude, she doesn't seem to be putting in any effort. Also, she's never once visited you? What the shit is that.

To be fair, she's graduating high school this year. I dunno. It's not much of an excuse. My roommate's girlfriend, who's still in HS, visits all the time (she's pretty cool, she cooks for us sometimes).

[Ceraziefish]

as a side note I do think for a relationship to work you have to work on it. There is no way anyone would have a relationship that lasted more than a few years or something if people did not try really hard. eta but if you're young and you don't see yourself getting married or something i guess there's no reason to stress anyway

This is how I feel as well.

[Harrison Ford]

To be fair, she's graduating high school this year. I dunno. It's not much of an excuse. My roommate's girlfriend, who's still in HS, visits all the time (she's pretty cool, she cooks for us sometimes).

;___; don't say such things

[PMA]

If you have to try REALLY HARD to keep them afloat... maybe relationships aren't meant to last longer than a short time. Watching people struggle and fight to keep something alive is one of the saddest things I have to watch from friends in relationships.

Its just prolonging a dying man's life just so he can tell you a good joke in between gasps of air.

[Ceraziefish]

If you have to try REALLY HARD to keep them afloat... maybe relationships aren't meant to last longer than a short time. Watching people struggle and fight to keep something alive is one of the saddest things I have to watch from friends in relationships.

Its just prolonging a dying man's life just so he can tell you a good joke in between gasps of air.

I don't really think that's whats going on. If it was I would totally agree with you.

[PMA]

Oh... I was just responding to margo and the Texas Traitor.

I wasn't actually talking about your relationship. THIS THREAD ISN'T JUST ABOUT YOU OK, YOU SELFISH ASS! Oh wait... :hardgay:

[Ceraziefish]

Oh... I was just responding to margo and the Texas Traitor.

I wasn't actually talking about your relationship. THIS THREAD ISN'T JUST ABOUT YOU OK, YOU SELFISH ASS! Oh wait...

I'm still waiting for someone to say "DENIAL ISN'T JUST A RIVER IN EGYPT CF"