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Accelerated Evolution

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margot

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>< i feel like i'm not close with anyone at a-e anymore, even my friends, and i wanna change that so this is why it's here and not LJ or something v_v

anyway i feel so bitter and angry ever since last year, i miss being 14/15/early 16. i used to be really happy due to things like Tree Religion but now i feel like there's no way to deal with life since i lost all of those things (i was really weak and gave them all up...) and there's no way to make them come back, so i'm just left alone and bitter about school people mostly, i don't know how to explain it but it's so painful for me to be around people i don't like (even people i love can sometimes be very hard). i feel ill when i'm in large crowds which is all the time now and even sitting in a classroom next to people. so i feel like i lost everything that made me a real person which helped me live my life, and i think i tried to make up for that by being more materialistic/mean (mostly to lolita people) and it doesn't help, sometimes distracts me but probably just makes me more dead inside ~_~. I mean jpop even hurts my ears now....

i feel like even using emoticons like that is wrong, like who is she fooling, but i wanna use them. and i feel like i have a few people on a-e i really like but they have gotten tired of me due to my change v__v and i don't know how to connect to people when i am this way... so thats why i made this thread ><

i know most people probably wont understand/make fun but i cant blame them

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I actually like you more than I used to. You used to be so disconnected from any sort of logical thought processes that you were difficult to relate to in any way (at least for me). Now I think I could actually have a meaningful discussion with you.

It sounds like you're just a maturing introvert; and like all introverts (myself included), you prefer to live inside your own head than the outside world. There's nothing wrong with that. Don't try to force yourself to interact with other people all the time. Spend more time alone, read some good books, try to find music you enjoy more.

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>< i like you a lot SD!!

i know people will get mad at me for saying this, but i feel like logic isn't always the best thing. probably most people don't even really understand it, i mean you have to actually study it, not just try to have no emotion.. it's really impressive and cute (dont mean that in a condescending way...)

when like Reed College students have real LOGIC debates but i feel like saying science and logic has all the answers and is the best for everyone is the same as saying christianity and faith or whatever is the best for everyone >< i mean so many western scientists make fun of eastern medicine but sometimes it works much better and is better for your body... and so being "logical" and normal just isn't for me. v_v i guess it's like how i think people here have called me stupid for the way i write here, but i can write really well if i want to, but it just feels unnatural...

i have always been an introvert and the way i was before was very introverted. i'm actually afraid i'm trying to fit in too much... though for some reason i did feel like being so shy/not having tons of friends was wrong...i'm glad that one day i finally figured out that it was really ok. ^^

and i do know a lot of good music i really like but it is poisonous ><

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i dunno I definitely still like you. I have no idea what you're going through but I'm interested in it/worried for you, I never understood you very much. i think i'm horribly materialistic without recognizing it like I'm going to a great college with all these resources and I think I'm so poor and "send me stuff wahh" just because i have like 6 shirts. i don't know, i like to believe god will give us all the strength to be wiser than we are, without us having to try too much, it'll just come, or we'll be forced to do it, like the hard way will be the easy way, or the only way. .__. It's not your fault whatever it is, good luck

on the bus coming here for like 1 stop this guy sat next to me and I thought you would like him, he was really tall, skinny, VERY QUIET, emo glasses. I was like, I want to give this man a blowjob. then he immediately pulled out his ipod. Then he pulled out the New York Times and started doing the crossword XDD You don't see that often anywhere especially not greyhound buses here. I asked where he was going. He said FARGO and put the earphones back on. but he was wearing a pink shirt and had a really high voice so probably he was gay

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I never get tired of Mini-Me! You're still one of my favorite members! ( ^o^) <3

But yeah. Sometimes we all need a break form the routine & people that we know. Do what I do. Get a way for a few days & go out on your own to do stuff & see stuff! Like your local mountains & deserts. Sometimes you can find yourself again! (^o^ ) <3

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i dunno I definitely still like you. I have no idea what you're going through but I'm interested in it/worried for you, I never understood you very much. i think i'm horribly materialistic without recognizing it like I'm going to a great college with all these resources and I think I'm so poor and "send me stuff wahh" just because i have like 6 shirts. i don't know, i like to believe god will give us all the strength to be wiser than we are, without us having to try too much, it'll just come, or we'll be forced to do it, like the hard way will be the easy way, or the only way. .__. It's not your fault whatever it is, good luck

on the bus coming here for like 1 stop this guy sat next to me and I thought you would like him, he was really tall, skinny, VERY QUIET, emo glasses. I was like, I want to give this man a blowjob. then he immediately pulled out his ipod. Then he pulled out the New York Times and started doing the crossword XDD You don't see that often anywhere especially not greyhound buses here. I asked where he was going. He said FARGO and put the earphones back on. but he was wearing a pink shirt and had a really high voice so probably he was gay

XD i would probably be attracted to him but also think he was a jerk!! that was rude to just brush you off too!!

" i don't know, i like to believe god will give us all the strength to be wiser than we are, without us having to try too much, it'll just come, or we'll be forced to do it, like the hard way will be the easy way, or the only way. " i definitely agree >< but i also dont know if god is the best for me v_v i miss trees and nature, i had leaf tea in my mouth and it was nice, tasted like what monks ate (japanese) probably, but dirtierXD and i feel like i have to do something for myself now...

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I never get tired of Mini-Me! You're still one of my favorite members! ( ^o^) <3

But yeah. Sometimes we all need a break form the routine & people that we know. Do what I do. Get a way for a few days & go out on your own to do stuff & see stuff! Like your local mountains & deserts. Sometimes you can find yourself again! (^o^ ) <3

thanks!! you know i think you are so smart and funny XD

i agree, i think i need to go rock climbing/desert explore this weekend...

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thanks!! i love you too!! i wish you were on AIM more often ><

I know, I wish I could get on more often but I'm usually too distracted when I'm on the PC doing other things. >_<

I usually don't get on RX anymore anyway because it's too cluttered ( I need to delete a lot of people). I'm on my other sn xChiefAutopartsx more.

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Amy rules.

Make an Amy Rules club.

THIS IS A LINDSAY ONLY THREAD ):<

Anyway, Lindsay, I'm pretty sure that you're an omnipotent warrior sent from the Gods of Olympus to save all of us (or something equally cool). Talking to you on aim is generally pretty rad although I often don't have much to talk about because I'm super boring.

I think my advice would be to roll up your sleeves and take out the trash, if you know what I mean. Set some goals and work towards them, that might give you a feeling of accomplishment. I don't know, when I start to feel bad about *emotional* things, I'll just set minor little goals for myself that I know I can accomplish and feel better, you know?

Ex: "Today I will go for a walk," or "today I will write for a little while." Just make an effort to do things that take only about twenty minutes or so.

I'm blathering now, but I think my point is that you're rad and destined for rad things.

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THIS IS A LINDSAY ONLY THREAD ):<

Anyway, Lindsay, I'm pretty sure that you're an omnipotent warrior sent from the Gods of Olympus to save all of us (or something equally cool). Talking to you on aim is generally pretty rad although I often don't have much to talk about because I'm super boring.

I think my advice would be to roll up your sleeves and take out the trash, if you know what I mean. Set some goals and work towards them, that might give you a feeling of accomplishment. I don't know, when I start to feel bad about *emotional* things, I'll just set minor little goals for myself that I know I can accomplish and feel better, you know?

Ex: "Today I will go for a walk," or "today I will write for a little while." Just make an effort to do things that take only about twenty minutes or so.

I'm blathering now, but I think my point is that you're rad and destined for rad things.

A truer post has never been posted before on this forum.

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I like you. You're cute and endearing and fascinating. I don't know. It's hard over the internet, because, it's not real, in a way. It is and it isn't. But at least now you have this "list" here of people who definitely enjoy being a part of your life, even if we may never meet or anything like that. I don't have any advice for you, unfortunately. But I appreciate your life a lot.

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