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Accelerated Evolution

Spam Mail Is Epic


Samurai Drifter

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ITT post your awesome spam mail.

EXAMPLE NUMBER 1:

As of late I've been being bombarded by penis enlargement ads (I sent them Wind's email address and told them they had been missing their target audience.) The people selling "Mega.dik" seem to want to always word things slightly differently, and yet all of their messages follow a formula:

TITLE: Something indicating that the sender recieves oral sex from his or her boyfriend, whose penis is extremely large.

BODY: Explains how the sender was laughed (or srieked) at for having an inferior member, but now he, in fact, is the one doing the srieking. Also shows that the sender is not the one recieving the oral sex, but the one giving it.

ENDING: A link that I have never clicked.

Examples of this formula:

When I tried to give him oral sex, I practically choked. How do I do it without gagging? Please help!

Dames always giggled at me and even youths did in the unrestricted water closet!

Well, now I sriek at them, because I took M_E_G. ADI. K

for 3 months and now my pecker is dreadfully best than world.

go shopping http://naseret.com/

My boyfriend's pecker is too big for my mouth.

Baronesses always srieked at me and even youths did in the not private water closet!

Well, now I whoop at them, because I took Me - ga - Di k

for 3 months and now my phallus is much weightier than federal.

My new guy's dick is enormous, and my mouth is tiny

Womens always smiled at me and even gentlemans did in the open john!

Well, now I giggl at them, because I took Meg, a dik.

for 7 months and now my peter is truly bigger than world.

My boyfriend's peter is too big for my mouth.

Cuties always srieked at me and even boys did in the not private water closet!

Well, now I laugh at them, because I took Mega. Dik

for 5 months and now my tool is indeed preponderant than world.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Scam response from another forum.

Original e-mail:

From Mrs Alice Benson? God Bless You

Geerting To You

With due resperct and humblelity. I am Mrs.Alice Benson. from Tunisia but now undergoing medical treatment. I was married to Mr.Benson. who worked with a cocoa company in ABIDJAN for nine years, before he died in the year 2002. We were both married for eleven years without children.

He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days. When my late husband was alive he deposited the sum of $ 6.2 million deposited in a company here in Cote D' Ivoire. And he daposited it as family valuebles not as money. I will send you the contact details of the company as soon as you indicate your interest.

Recently, my Doctor told me that I will die soon due to my cancer illness. Having known my condition and believing the doctor I have decided to donate this fund to avoid total loss to church, Less privilege, or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct herein.

This money should be used to help churches, orphanages ,widows and propagating the Gospel and to ensure that the house of God is maintained. Please do not fail to spread the funds across the globe especially AFRICA as soon as you receive the money.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are fighting over the properties and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by their greedy attitude. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an UNGODLY manner, hence the reason for taking this bold decision. As soon as I receive your reply I shall give you the contact information of the company

God bless you

yours.sincerely

Mrs Alice Benson

Response:

Dear Mrs. Benson (may I call you Ally?)

I'm very sorry to hear about Mr. Benson's passing away. How are you coping with the loss? I would sincerely like to help you deposit the money into the church. The only problem is, I belong to the Church of Satan. Is this a problem? Most people get freaked out by this, but it's not as bad as you think. We don't have sex with our children and only perform animal sacrifices on special occasions (birthday, bar mitzvah, or a bris).

Please let me know what I can do to help!

Sincerely,

Mel Torme

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  • 2 weeks later...

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