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HopelessPyromantic

Your sexay body

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When I was growing up, I lived with a bulemic mother. I was always hearing her throwing up, seeing her binge, and taking diet pills.

This affected me greatly (which I did not realize until recently) and I must admit I had body issues for a long time as a kid. I was never fat by any stretch (maybe by Hollywood standards but we don't care what they think), I was really cute and I didn't realize it. I was afraid to wear bikinis because I thought someone would make fun of me. I always wore a one piece and when I look back on it all I can say is "WHY?! I looked great! I was a healthy kid and there was nothing wrong with how I looked."

A lot of this started going out the window when I had my first relationship at 19. He thought I looked good so I ran with it.

Then came year 22. Suddenly I'm shitting and puking myself to death and don't know why (I went to the clinic on base SO many times and it took about 5 visits to finally be referred to a specialist at Landstuhl RMC-and guess what? The doctor was a civilian...hmm). Well, after about a year of suffering through this (which I did pretty well-I still went to work even though it was hell, I got out of work one day from my supervisor and then his boss got pissed at me and I'd never felt so lost and alone in all my life-she had to have felt bad after I told her my diagnosis, as she was never really cold toward me again) I receive the diagnosis of Crohn's Disease. For those unfamiliar, Crohn's Disease is an inflammatory bowel disease that will basically eat you alive if it gets out of control-I was in such bad shape that my body was consuming itself to stay alive. Needless to say, I lost A LOT of weight. And all I can remember hearing was "Did you lose some weight?" "Yeah, I've been really sick." "You look really good!"

What the fuck?! I was extremely unhealthy but people were telling me I looked good. This is something that will never leave me-I suddenly fit the body image of the "perfect" female but I was unhappy. I hadn't worked hard for this body-I had suffered a terrible illness and looked like I just escaped Aucshwitz. What were these people thinking telling me I looked good?

Well, I got the Crohn's under control and ended up gaining about 50 lbs-topped off at 180(I LOVE chicken creamschnitzel so once I was able to eat again, I ate ALL THE TIME! I missed food so much). It didn't help that I had been prescribed Prednisone (steroid) for a "mysterious" skin condition I was suddenly eat up with from head to toe (turns out the the Ramstein clinic was stupid again-it was Psoriasis and the derm said "Never let them give you something like that for psoriasis again! That was so stupid of them." LOL My specialists always told me not to bother with family practice anymore-they took my conditions seriously and I'll never forget them for that.

So now I was really fat and looked like a leper :laugh: It's funny now cuz it's over but it made me so depressed. I had to wear long sleeves all the time to keep people from asking questions. And they did, they stared too. When I was in NC at the beach I had decided to go to Wal-Mart with my sister to pick up some items, and I left my jacket at the house. The stupid lady at the checkout had no manners and asked me "Do you have chickenpox or something?" A totally innocent question, but I would NEVER ever ask a person what is the matter with them. That is so rude and you never know whose feelings you're gonna hurt.

Well, I laid in the sun on the beach and guess what! Psoriasis gone. No more creams and lotions (it was so humiliating to have my mother rub me down in all these ointments-I was 23 and had been on my own since 18).

Fast forward to now. I just weighed myself for the first time in about 2 or 3 months (cuz I really don't care anymore) and now I am down to 166. I think this is because I kicked the anti-depressant which was keeping me pretty plump.

So after all this heartache over looking like a monster, I learned a lot about myself. I realized I like sitting around and pressing on my belly, I think it is soft and lovely. My fiance thinks I'm sexy, so what if I don't fit some kind of ideal? He used to be a really big guy-I had never been with a big guy but he was really sweet so I decided to give him a chance. At first I was kinda apprehensive about the sex, but after falling completely in love with him I think every inch of his body is beautiful (he lost a lot of weight too since we met, but I would still love him if he hadn't). He still has his belly and I love it. I love the "flaws" and his man boobs, everything! I am not ashamed.

I think fat is really beautiful if one carries themselves well, and isn't morbidly obese. I think it looks real and I love seeing women who love themselves no matter what their size, and I can say I am one of them after all these years. Yeah, I'm probably gonna get back down to 140 or so by the time January rolls around, but it won't matter what I look like. I will still feel sexy and smart and worthy of loving myself.

I think what troubles me the most about my past issues is that, dammit, I had every fucking body part and they all worked. I was healthy. I no longer have my impeccable health and I hate that I took it for granted in the name of "beauty."

EDIT: I think the saddest thing about the whole situation is that I thought for years that no one could love me the way that I was...and the only person that had anything to do with it was my mom. It's really crazy how our actions can affect kids.

So that's my story-I want to know how you feel about your own appearance.

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I'm feeling pretty good. The only thing I would change is getting some new clothes. I've worn a band shirt almost every day now to school for the past 3-4 years. It's boring now.

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I have the most beautiful hair out of everyone I've ever met, seriously.

*Cough.* No, I'm not really exaggerating, it's like my claim to fame.

Besides that, I wish I was just in a little better shape. Not really for purposes of appearance.

Also, I wish I could grow a proper beard.

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yes i'm very insecure, but i think it's good to know you're ugly than be fat/ugly and dress inappropriately. :awesome:

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^I want to grow at least a goatee, but the only thing that seems to grow is two patches on either side of my chin. -_-

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i'm self conscious. i think most women are. it's just how we're raised, i think...unfortunately you were raised with even more of that.

and people telling you how great you look after losing weight because of being sick? my mother lost weight because of a gall bladder issue, and i don't know if she's a bit offended or not, but it's not a fun way to lose weight, i can tell. she has to watch what she eats or she gets really sick. hopefully she'll get hers taken out soon. and before she had a test for it, she thought it was something totally diff, so she literally couldn't eat much of anything.

i used to be really self conscious when i was bigger. i've lost a lot of weight but i've still got a stomach issue, all my weight gathers there, making it hard to find stuff that fits. it sucks having no hips, but having a big stomach. i wouldn't mind being the weight i am, if i were proportioned better.

i have a pretty face though, or so i'm told. i just hate that i'm like in the middle of an x-large and plus sizes. plus sizes make me look really big, but if i can find the right 'size' of x-large, i'm fine (you know how they all make them different, girls). my scoliosis just makes it worse. ugh.

i'm losing weight though which is good (6-8 lbs since last doc visit). but not as much in the stomach that i'd like. i serious look like i'm a bit pregnant, except i look REALLY young and my stomach isn't hard like a prego woman's would be.

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I watch what I eat for the most part. I try not to drink soda but I have been lately just because I need caffeine. But yea, I count calories and see log much I burn each day. I need to start working out but at the moment it's not that big of a deal as my body is nearly all muscle anyway. I just like to be really lean and keep healthy because it makes me feel good. Last time I weighed myself, I was at 128. That was just a few weeks ago and don't expect anything to have changed.

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The only thing I worry about is whether or not I'll be in good enough shape to survive the impending Zombie Apocalypse and/or World Wide Revolution.

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Yeah, i'm overweight. I gain weight in the winter and lose it in the summer. (soda to keep me awake in class, plus no biking, and while I'm trying to work out more, it doens't always happen)

Not having a social life makes things easy in temrs of caring about my weight. Besides, the reason I have no social life is because I'm so damn busy with school (tonight I might literally go without sleep if I have the will and caffeine) and so I don't have much time to think about it too much, which is both good and bad. Good because I don't worry, bad because I become more apathetic.

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I am fairly insecure about my appearance. I don't think that I have ever had a weight problem, but I know that in the past few years, because of stress, I just stopped eating and dropped about 30 pounds. I know that I have been complimented, and while I appreciate it, I honestly struggle so much to believe it. I don't like how I look, and I do obsess a little over it. I mean, I don't think that it's all that bad, because I am not really actively trying to change the way that I look. I certainly waste a lot of thought on it, but take little action. I think that it's just how I was raised. My mother is very small and thin, and she constantly criticizes everything about me. My sister and I have both srtuggled with eating disorders at one point in our lives, and I blame my mother. She had outrageous expectations. She makes the crulest comments to make us feel bad, and almost "scare" us into being thin. I am sure that Foldered can think of some examples, because she certainly does not bite her tongue when others are around. Even her friends are assholes, and insult my appearance. I don't need to be told how much better I would look with different hair or if I wore makeup, or if I took better care of myself. My mother has made it very clear that if my sister and I become overweight, then she will be so embarrassed and ashamed of us. It's so frustrating. When I got my nose pierced, the first words out of her mouth were "You looked much more beautiful before." I mean, I obviously knew before I even got it that she would not approve. But could she not have just said it in a different way, rather than insulting my attractiveness, as a whole? She actually sat my sister down once, about a year ago, and told her that she has really beautiful friends who clearly care about themselves and take care of their bodies, so why can't she do that? She asked her why she wasn't as pretty as her friends. What a bitch, hey? My sister is 2 and a half years older than me, an adult. What the hell?

Anyway, yeah. I am not always pleased with my reflection.

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I am fairly insecure about my appearance. I don't think that I have ever had a weight problem, but I know that in the past few years, because of stress, I just stopped eating and dropped about 30 pounds. I know that I have been complimented, and while I appreciate it, I honestly struggle so much to believe it. I don't like how I look, and I do obsess a little over it. I mean, I don't think that it's all that bad, because I am not really actively trying to change the way that I look. I certainly waste a lot of thought on it, but take little action. I think that it's just how I was raised. My mother is very small and thin, and she constantly criticizes everything about me. My sister and I have both srtuggled with eating disorders at one point in our lives, and I blame my mother. She had outrageous expectations. She makes the crulest comments to make us feel bad, and almost "scare" us into being thin. I am sure that Foldered can think of some examples, because she certainly does not bite her tongue when others are around. Even her friends are assholes, and insult my appearance. I don't need to be told how much better I would look with different hair or if I wore makeup, or if I took better care of myself. My mother has made it very clear that if my sister and I become overweight, then she will be so embarrassed and ashamed of us. It's so frustrating. When I got my nose pierced, the first words out of her mouth were "You looked much more beautiful before." I mean, I obviously knew before I even got it that she would not approve. But could she not have just said it in a different way, rather than insulting my attractiveness, as a whole? She actually sat my sister down once, about a year ago, and told her that she has really beautiful friends who clearly care about themselves and take care of their bodies, so why can't she do that? She asked her why she wasn't as pretty as her friends. What a bitch, hey? My sister is 2 and a half years older than me, an adult. What the hell?

Anyway, yeah. I am not always pleased with my reflection.

If it helps any,

I think you're hot

In classic Amy fashion: *ducks*

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^ I CAN'T BELIEVE YOUR MOTHER. JESUS CHRIST.

i'm sort of unhappy with my stomach and face and i'd be happy if i lost 10 pounds just by eating healthy.

but i really don't care that much. i used to care a lot but i think i look ok, actually, so...

:hardgay:

it was really strange, i used to think i looked so bad I had to isolate myself from others to avoid bringing them down. This June-July I decided hey whatever and decided to believe i looked ok. suddenly people started treating me like I was a normal person. It was very awesome and sort of surreal. I used to want to get surgery on my breasts and nose but now we're all buddies. We play chinese checkers on wednesdays if any of us have the time

I really think everyone is beautiful, though

That is not an exaggeration

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If it helps any,

I think you're hot

In classic Amy fashion: *ducks*

UMM, oh my. :blush: Ahahahhh. I am going to tell my mother that my internet friend thinks that I am hot, and that I have an 80GB iPod and she doesn't, so she should just go to Hell, kthnxBAI.

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I am fairly insecure about my appearance. I don't think that I have ever had a weight problem, but I know that in the past few years, because of stress, I just stopped eating and dropped about 30 pounds. I know that I have been complimented, and while I appreciate it, I honestly struggle so much to believe it. I don't like how I look, and I do obsess a little over it. I mean, I don't think that it's all that bad, because I am not really actively trying to change the way that I look. I certainly waste a lot of thought on it, but take little action. I think that it's just how I was raised. My mother is very small and thin, and she constantly criticizes everything about me. My sister and I have both srtuggled with eating disorders at one point in our lives, and I blame my mother. She had outrageous expectations. She makes the crulest comments to make us feel bad, and almost "scare" us into being thin. I am sure that Foldered can think of some examples, because she certainly does not bite her tongue when others are around. Even her friends are assholes, and insult my appearance. I don't need to be told how much better I would look with different hair or if I wore makeup, or if I took better care of myself. My mother has made it very clear that if my sister and I become overweight, then she will be so embarrassed and ashamed of us. It's so frustrating. When I got my nose pierced, the first words out of her mouth were "You looked much more beautiful before." I mean, I obviously knew before I even got it that she would not approve. But could she not have just said it in a different way, rather than insulting my attractiveness, as a whole? She actually sat my sister down once, about a year ago, and told her that she has really beautiful friends who clearly care about themselves and take care of their bodies, so why can't she do that? She asked her why she wasn't as pretty as her friends. What a bitch, hey? My sister is 2 and a half years older than me, an adult. What the hell?

Anyway, yeah. I am not always pleased with my reflection.

...

I am truly pissed at your mother for putting you and your sister through this anguish, your parents are supposed to love you no matter what, but jus demeaning you is the lowest of low. Don't worry Darcie, your a nice looking young lady and don't change for anyone.

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UMM, oh my. :blush: Ahahahhh. I am going to tell my mother that my internet friend thinks that I am hot, and that I have an 80GB iPod and she doesn't, so she should just go to Hell, kthnxBAI.

That sounds like an excellent plan.

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I just came to the conclusion that worrying about it was pointless. By the time I actually gave a damn about my appearance, my arms were already scarred up and down by repeated insertions of IV needles, and the steroids I was given to compensate for my immune system had given me permanent bags under my eyes along with messing up some of my body proportions.

Wish I had something positive to share with you, but I just decided not to care about it in any serious sense.

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right now though not really. i think i can do the cute librarian thing pretty well. i used to feel self-conscious because i tried to do things i just couldn't..like to really pull off secondhand dresses and stuff you have to be very tall and thin and i didn't get it. i feel like most people had an older sister or mother teach them about fashion and etc, but i didn't, so i have to teach myself and i am constantly learning but one day i'll get there.

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I don't think I've ever really cared about my appearance :unsure: I mean not to brag like oh yeah I'm so hot :rolleyes: but I've never really looked terrible (least no one's called me ugly sooo that's a good thing right? hahaha)....sooo I don't really care.... :laugh: I mean like seriously don't care about weight never did even before I started running, make-up...well I'm too lazy to bother with make-up hahahaha that's the main reason I don't bother with it but I don't feel the need for it either. I dunno I am just comfortable with my appearance I always have been. ^_^ Then again I do take care of myself, as in eating healthy and all that, course I'm a runner...that doesn't let you eat crappy...trust me if I ever ate McDonald's I think I'd puke a few minutes after taking a few bites. I haven't had fast food in a few years. Least not like McDonald's, Burger King etc. ^_^

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I've been told that I'm starting to lose weight...though I'm not even trying. I changed my diet recently, and I think that's helped me dramatically. I don't get nearly enough exercise.

I don't mind being overweight, I accept that I'm fat. But I'd be a lot happier if I could rid myself of my damnable stretch marks >_<.

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