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BLAAAH I don't have any friends...


Galkar

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Alright, how do I go about writing this...

I just started going to the University of Washington and so far my classes are alright, but I'm having the serious problem of not knowing anybody here and it's killing me. I wake up, go to my classes, come back to my dorm, do homework and play WoW until I go to sleep and start it all over again feeling terrible because I have nothing else to do unless one of my high school friends happens to show up at my dorm. I've tried talking to people in my dorm or in my FIG (freshman interest group) which is like a set of classes that you take with the same group of people which I signed up for specifically to meet people, but any time I go to join with a group of people or something they're always talking about things they did or people they know that I don't so I have nothing to say to them. My problem is that I've never been in a situation like this before where I had to meet people. Ever since elementary school every one of my friends that I've met I've been introduced to, so I have no idea how to go out and be social with people I don't know.

I know the advice I'll probably end up getting is to just go talk to people and be myself, but to be myself is to be really shy in situations where I'm around people I don't know and feel uncomfortable and to close in on myself and not talk to people unless they talk to me. (I guess that's why I don't post very often on AE even though I'm on all the time, just cause even though I love this place, I never quite felt like I really fit in anywhere). So I can't go out and be myself, instead I have to put on a mask of outward friendlyness until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, but even when I try to do that, it seems like any little thing to make me feel more uncomfortable like a friendly insult that I take the wrong way or me saying something stupid can shatter it and make me close in on myself again and become really quiet. And even if I do manage to overcome all that, there's still the problem that I have no idea who to try to talk to. Who's to say that any group of people I try to be friendly with has anything in common with me or any reason to want to be friends with me.

Baah, I hate shooting down advice before it's even given with my own pecimism, but I just don't know what to do. Maybe all I'm looking for is sympathy, I don't know.

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Alright, how do I go about writing this...

I just started going to the University of Washington and so far my classes are alright, but I'm having the serious problem of not knowing anybody here and it's killing me. I wake up, go to my classes, come back to my dorm, do homework and play WoW until I go to sleep and start it all over again feeling terrible because I have nothing else to do unless one of my high school friends happens to show up at my dorm. I've tried talking to people in my dorm or in my FIG (freshman interest group) which is like a set of classes that you take with the same group of people which I signed up for specifically to meet people, but any time I go to join with a group of people or something they're always talking about things they did or people they know that I don't so I have nothing to say to them. My problem is that I've never been in a situation like this before where I had to meet people. Ever since elementary school every one of my friends that I've met I've been introduced to, so I have no idea how to go out and be social with people I don't know.

I know the advice I'll probably end up getting is to just go talk to people and be myself, but to be myself is to be really shy in situations where I'm around people I don't know and feel uncomfortable and to close in on myself and not talk to people unless they talk to me. (I guess that's why I don't post very often on AE even though I'm on all the time, just cause even though I love this place, I never quite felt like I really fit in anywhere). So I can't go out and be myself, instead I have to put on a mask of outward friendlyness until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, but even when I try to do that, it seems like any little thing to make me feel more uncomfortable like a friendly insult that I take the wrong way or me saying something stupid can shatter it and make me close in on myself again and become really quiet. And even if I do manage to overcome all that, there's still the problem that I have no idea who to try to talk to. Who's to say that any group of people I try to be friendly with has anything in common with me or any reason to want to be friends with me.

Baah, I hate shooting down advice before it's even given with my own pecimism, but I just don't know what to do. Maybe all I'm looking for is sympathy, I don't know.

Um? Find WoW nerds... There are plenty, I'm sure. They'll be the people who look all shy like you. I'd be that guy.

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Alright, how do I go about writing this...

I just started going to the University of Washington and so far my classes are alright, but I'm having the serious problem of not knowing anybody here and it's killing me. I wake up, go to my classes, come back to my dorm, do homework and play WoW until I go to sleep and start it all over again feeling terrible because I have nothing else to do unless one of my high school friends happens to show up at my dorm. I've tried talking to people in my dorm or in my FIG (freshman interest group) which is like a set of classes that you take with the same group of people which I signed up for specifically to meet people, but any time I go to join with a group of people or something they're always talking about things they did or people they know that I don't so I have nothing to say to them. My problem is that I've never been in a situation like this before where I had to meet people. Ever since elementary school every one of my friends that I've met I've been introduced to, so I have no idea how to go out and be social with people I don't know.

I know the advice I'll probably end up getting is to just go talk to people and be myself, but to be myself is to be really shy in situations where I'm around people I don't know and feel uncomfortable and to close in on myself and not talk to people unless they talk to me. (I guess that's why I don't post very often on AE even though I'm on all the time, just cause even though I love this place, I never quite felt like I really fit in anywhere). So I can't go out and be myself, instead I have to put on a mask of outward friendlyness until I feel comfortable enough to be myself, but even when I try to do that, it seems like any little thing to make me feel more uncomfortable like a friendly insult that I take the wrong way or me saying something stupid can shatter it and make me close in on myself again and become really quiet. And even if I do manage to overcome all that, there's still the problem that I have no idea who to try to talk to. Who's to say that any group of people I try to be friendly with has anything in common with me or any reason to want to be friends with me.

Baah, I hate shooting down advice before it's even given with my own pecimism, but I just don't know what to do. Maybe all I'm looking for is sympathy, I don't know.

Break your routine. Don't just go back to your room, close the door and start playing WoW. Keep you door open or see what elese is going around on your dorm floor. Get involved in clubs.

When I came to Rose, I had completely transplanted myself from everyone I knew. I'm a shy person when I don't know people very well, but I forced myself to get to know the people on my floor and to leave my door open, and it worked. And like lindsay said, give it time. Friends don't happen right away

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I know what you are doing wrong: approaching groups. Let me tell you why:

The loners in the place may turn out to be the most interesting people in the entire joint.

Seriously, this is how I broke my shyness (which still haunts me at 25, it never really goes away). Look for people like you who are looking at other people. You are both feeling like strangers and this is the best way to connect. Just sit with this wallflower, observe people, and talk about them together. You'll end up in a funny conversation with someone much like yourself.

If they are afraid to open up to you, don't be discouraged. Just remember that they are shy as well, but you can break those walls down if you just let the fear fade. I bet you might be the friend they were looking for, who knows?

And beer never hurts when it comes to socializing :wink: Just don't drink TOO much and turn into the guy doing keg stands and eating goldfish (this is a true story), though it MIGHT get you some friends! :laugh:

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Well I have been keeping my door open in the hopes that people will come talk to me, but the problem with that is that my room is at the end of the hall past the door from the hall to the main part of the building, so nobody ever walks past my door. And it's too bad that UW seems to be pretty strict about drugs and alcohol unlike evergreen, so walking around and getting drunk or high with random people in their dorms probably won't be an option.

HP, that sounds like really good advice about talking to single people, and probably is much better than approaching groups.

As for clubs, there's a swing dancing club that I want to get involved with as well as a smash bros club and a tabletop gaming mailing list, so I'm hoping I'll get to meet people through those. I suppose I could try out the anime club as well, it's been a while since I've seen any.

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Well I have been keeping my door open in the hopes that people will come talk to me, but the problem with that is that my room is at the end of the hall past the door from the hall to the main part of the building, so nobody ever walks past my door. And it's too bad that UW seems to be pretty strict about drugs and alcohol unlike evergreen, so walking around and getting drunk or high with random people in their dorms probably won't be an option.

HP, that sounds like really good advice about talking to single people, and probably is much better than approaching groups.

As for clubs, there's a swing dancing club that I want to get involved with as well as a smash bros club and a tabletop gaming mailing list, so I'm hoping I'll get to meet people through those. I suppose I could try out the anime club as well, it's been a while since I've seen any.

Keeping your door open is good. When I lived in the dorms at Holloman and Ramstein, I did this, and I would wander into other people's rooms to say hi (when I was socially lubricated of course :wink:)

I wanna see you get involved in these clubs and tell us how they turn out :happy: I'm really optimistic about the anime club-for some reason that was always an easy convo starter for me (though I couldn't talk about it anymore-too out of it for too long), and video games as well. But this was just talking to dudes, so I couldn't really give you any experience on talking to women, though I am one. Maybe I'll philosophize for a little while and come up with a good tactic :biggrin:

Belial really is on to something-seriously, bring booze. It's an instant "This guy wants to party, so he's probably pretty cool." Even if you don't drink it, you show good will: you want everyone to have a good time.

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Try to find out if there's like, events in your dorm by floor. Sometimes last year in the freshman dorm my RA would have "parties" (I use quotes because there was no beer, obviously) and I met a few people that way.

Also, well, I'm too shy to do this, but one way to meet people for sure is notice when they have an open door and go talk to them.

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Well after registering for the UW's pen and paper gaming club's website which turned out to have no content making me think it was defunct and not in use, I got a call at 11 last night from the guys that run the club who had managed to track down my number and who said they were going to come pick me up so we could hang out. Unfortunately it turned out that our dorms were on opposite ends of campus, but they said they were going to call again today, so this is a good sign :snakes:

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Well after registering for the UW's pen and paper gaming club's website which turned out to have no content making me think it was defunct and not in use, I got a call at 11 last night from the guys that run the club who had managed to track down my number and who said they were going to come pick me up so we could hang out. Unfortunately it turned out that our dorms were on opposite ends of campus, but they said they were going to call again today, so this is a good sign :snakes:

Haha, that's pretty cool (at Evergreen we don't have that problem, because the dorms are all within a hundred feet of each other, haha)

Also, facebook is better than you'd think for this sort of thing. Add people to your friends list even if you don't think you're really going to hang out with them all the time. It's gotten me invited to more than a few things, even just this year, because I made myself really easy to get in contact with.

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Can't say I have any advice. I've always sucked hardcore at making friends. The only reason I have a solid group of friends at the moment is the result of a series of extraordinarily lucky coincidences.

So in that vein, I hope a group of cool people randomly bring beer to your room during a blackout.

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Maybe you should do something more meaningful. If there are any extra-curricular activities available, go for one of those that interest you.

This is basically what I'm doing right now. Although I'm technically not in college yet, I'm currently on a self-journey for the sake of finding my lot in life. I've done so much as of late, and I gotta say my ideal future looks a lot clearer now.

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I prefer hanging out with people one-on-one, versus groups. So, to make friends, I normally;

#1 Act friendly. :P People are more willing to come to you and speak to you if you speak your mind, versus being quiet. Because guess what.. they may be shy like you!!! Shock!!!

#2 Listen. Keep your ears open. If you like Tarantino movies, and you hear the person you're interested in targeting mention that sometime, you can either find a way to weasel into their conversation and get to know them, or file that information away so you can bring it up later to strike a conversation.

#3 This is seriously insane, but since I live in AZ with a bunch of shallow people, Craigslist is huge here. So, as a joke, in the platonic 'W for W' section, I made a super honest personal ad. Pretty much it said "Looking for gamers, artsy people, and people who know what Rule 34 is to hang out, walk around, do low-key stuff." I met the most AWESOME people through that. :) 3 are super awesome friends now. Only 2 responded wanting hot lesbian sex. XD

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