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Accelerated Evolution

Rant time


Baltar

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So I made a few mistakes, I have some issues. I have bi-polar disorder, and I kind of react badly to things sometimes.

I got into a fight with her, and I made a mistake and wrote her a note on a piece of cardboard. It more or less stated that I didn't love her anymore.

Of course when she found it, she was quite upset and we broke up. Obviously I was being rash because I still love her.

So we were trying to patch things up and they were shaky but improving. She bought me a "Ted Leo & the pharmacists" t-shirt.

Less then a week later she said that we should just see other people because.

It's for the last week has been a bit crazy since we talked a few times, and well part of the reason she ended it was because she couldn't handle my moods. Which with the season are hard to control right now, although I got my medication for the bi-polar increased as of today.

I called her tonight, I'm home from school for the night, and she is across the state going to a party with some friends. During our conversation tonight I made her feel like a bitch, mainly because I told her "well you can't handle what is going on with me right now, which is why we broke up."

The conversation lead into talks about seeing other people. After a few minute I was starting to feel upset about the whole thing, and asked if we could drop the subject for now. "She said that ohh, I should let you go anyways." I told her "well I wasn't trying to not talk to you, I just don't want to talk about this now."

Her response is the kicker because she told me "well I'm going to go because I can't deal with you apparently so I am going to meet other guys now." This has really hit me, the phrase about meeting other guys and the whole thing in general hurts a hell of a lot.

Over the summer she had a lot going on, and I was there for her and it was hard, because sometimes it is really hard for me to be stable, but I did it as best I could. I quite literally spent my summer reasoning with her about almost everything, because she would get upset about things, mostly just cry for no reason get all wigged out and drive off around town in the middle of the night and some other various rash behaviors.

So to have her not be able to deal with me make me feel like shit in a lot of ways, because I was there every second I could be, and I sacrificed a lot of my time and energy to help her.

I know that this sounds like a 16 year old's LJ post, but I needed a vent and well, this is the rant pit.

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Well, if she makes you feel like crap, the LOGICAL thing to do is to stop talking to her, but I don't think that's going to happen. Other than that, I have nothing to offer, sorry.

Other than that I don't think there is much you can do, sadly. Maybe you can sit her down and talk face to face because she doesn't seem to fully grasp what bi-polar disorder is. Maybe if she actually understood she would be more, well, understanding. I dunno, that's all I have...sorry.

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I've learned in life that you can't win them all. EVERYTHING is an investment with potential gains & risk. That includes relationships. You can put all the time & effort in the world & in the end, you don't get nothing out of it, other than a bunch of headaches or feelings of confusion & betrayal. Sometimes you get the complete opposite & that's when you know you found your match. But yeah. Sounds to me like it's time to move along. Someone else will come up. don't worry. That feeling of feeling like shit will go away in due time. ( ^_^)

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Something I've learned over the past couple years...

Sometimes things are too broken to fix.

Its sad when you realize it, but its a hell of a lot easier than fighting a losing battle for weeks and months. Give me a call during break if you're back in Lapeer or can stop by Lansing for a night.

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Something I've learned over the past couple years...

Sometimes things are too broken to fix.

Its sad when you realize it, but its a hell of a lot easier than fighting a losing battle for weeks and months. Give me a call during break if you're back in Lapeer or can stop by Lansing for a night.

thanks

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Well since she didn't return my calls today, when she was at work I stopped by her place and dropped off the remaining stuff she had at my apartment. Since she didn't want the ring I bought her for our six month anniversery I returned the gift she gave me which was a photo album she made.

I wrote her a letter, and in it's two pages it basically stated if we can't be civil we shouldn't see each other or be friends until we can get over how we hurt each other. I also stated that we both keep hurting each other because of how we both feel. We need space, and I want us to end on a horrid note, and someday have the good times we use to.

The whole letter was really hard to write, and i feel shitty, but it wasn't a bad, nor mean letter.

THe worst part is she knows right now about the most about my moods andwhat I am going through, but I can't go to her obviously.

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Long story short, the note made her think. She called me last night at 3:30am. I went over there to find out she had drank a whole 5th of rum. She had a bit to drink but then got sad and drank to null her emotions. Although she had mild alcohal poisoning, it gave us a chance. mainly her to let her guard down, and not bullshit anything.

She told me she was mad and said the whole comment about other guys because she felt hurt.

Things seem better since I took care of her, and I hope they improve more. She is actually over and watching the futurama movie with me.

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I guess I am late on this...

But I understand exaclty what happened and why you did that. I am glad that you worked things out. I wish that I could fix things that I was trying to fix by escaping...

It's hard when you know that you are hurting the person that you love because of a mood disorder. I do it all the time... and no one understands, ever. It's even worse when you can't even understand your own moods or thoughts.

I hope that things work out for you.

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I guess I am late on this...

But I understand exaclty what happened and why you did that. I am glad that you worked things out. I wish that I could fix things that I was trying to fix by escaping...

It's hard when you know that you are hurting the person that you love because of a mood disorder. I do it all the time... and no one understands, ever. It's even worse when you can't even understand your own moods or thoughts.

I hope that things work out for you.

It's hard, and it's taken a long time for me to cope with everything. I'm still not cured, and will never be. However with some help, copeing techniques, and a little good luck you get better.

It's very confusing when you feel things sometimes, because you don't know if it's from the mood disorder or if you actually feel that way. The worst part of bipolar is the irritability, and getting pissed off for no reason about anything.

I hope you find someone who can understand what you are dealing with, or if not understand, just be there for you.

A couple of links:

Bipolar general help

Mood Diary

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  • 2 weeks later...

I am incredibly late. But its awesome you guys are back together. Like its been said, dont fix everything at once. My girlfriend and i just got back after a month and a half of not talking or seeing each other. But if you guys do have problems, dont think of it as the time and energy you wasted being there for her. That makes it sound like she was a big hassle and that you felt forced to do that. Its always our decision to do things, you did it because you felt it was right and you are a nice person.

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