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Accelerated Evolution

Scarface goes to Jail

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Except if you stay there for any length of time I'm sure you get used to the schedule. As he said, there's no clocks, so there's no reason for you to just not base your sleep schedule around what time meals are. Meaning, you'd start getting exactly the same amount of sleep as anyone not in prison (theoretically).

So really it's just weird.

Would you expect it to be normal? They probably try to fuck with people. It's no resort.

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Day 3 - Saturday

3:00 am

Wake up. It's breakfast time again. It feels like I had no sleep whatsoever. Doing nothing all day sure had a toll on my body. I ached everywhere and my feet hurt like hell. If I were to guess why, I'd bet it was the horrible hard cement floors I did have to stand on every now and then. Jumping off and landing down form the top bunk every couple times a day. Whatever it was, My back and feet hurt the most.

Another problem arose on the third day. I started to smell a distinct rotten Velveeta cheese smell every so often. No surprise there, it was my funky armpits. Ok, so I hadn't taken a bath yet. So what? I'm a weird guy. I was here for a week. I figured no one would want to rape a smell guy. At least that's what I was hoping. So, with that in mind, I figured I could go a week without a bath.

And so I did.

Breakfast was something like stale cereal or something. It's not like it was good enough for me to remember. Ate it quick I did, and then scampered back to my cubby to rest my bones.

10:00 am

Lunch Time, joyous me! I think we were given those awesome sandwiches that they handed out back in the booking area. Delicious! /sarcasm

Whatever. With that in my stomach I went and tried to go back to sleep, but I just started at the ceiling for a long time before giving up. I had to do something to make this day go by quicker.

But what...

So, I figured I'd find a good read and try to find a book to help the day progress. In my small, open cell of a room, there were a couple of books. As I fumbled through them I actually found one that I kinda sorta wanted to read: A Star Wars book.

My friend AJ used to ramble on about these books, but I'm not that big of a nerd. (hahaha) I've only watched the SW movies. This would be a new experience for me. The book was part of the Bounty Hunter Wars or something. Book 2 entitled Slave Ship or something. It was a continuation of the adventures of Boba Fett that universe greatest bounty hunter. Hell, before grabbing onto this thing I didn't even know Boba Fett had survived that pitfall. Oh, the miracles of fiction.

So I had my time shaver. I figure if I could read like eight chapters or so a day that I could make this entrapment seem less dreadful. I doubt I could annoy anyone by just staying in my bed all the time. So, that's what I did. It worked for the most part.

The other inmates were downstairs causing the normal ruckus. Whenever a new person came into this holding block, the regulars would shower them with the same insults, bigotry and profanity that I was greeted with. Thing was, no one in this place looked like me. Someone that didn't belong. I have class, these people were the scum of the earth and didn't mind showing it. Thinking about these facts made me almost sick to my stomach.

Oh well, no use in crying over spilled milk, right?

Movie time began around eleven. I stopped reading every now and then to catch what these convicts would finally agree to watch. Some of the movies they watched on that day were...

Cabin Fever

To Kill a Mockingbird

Batman Returns

Batman Forever

What an all star list!

As I looked down on the people I was staying with, in my bed on the second floor. It almost seemed like an after school day care of sorts. Everyone was always shouting and arguing and cursing and being obnoxious, but when those commercials ended everything calmed down and all eyes were glued to the TV screen. It was almost comical.


4:00 pm

Dinner Time! I couldn't wait! /sarcasm Don't remember what we had, don't care. I started to notice things in this place.

Coffee was a hot commodity. Like as in crack like important. People would consume cold coffee at any point in the day. They would trade things like deodorant and tooth paste for just a sliver of coffee grinds. I didn't get it. But I guess it was for the caffeine or something. It made them feel alive? Whatever, I was never a big coffee drinker. I could survive having no energy for a week. I'd just pretend I had mono or something!

The two people I slept with were starting to warm up to me. They kept trying to talk to me, but I just gave them a quick response and went back to my reading. Every once in awhile I would say something that they would laugh about, but I can't really remember those exacts details. One thing they found that was funny was my reason for being here. They pretty much told me to join the club in a way. That everyone in here was getting fucked by the government and authority figures. I knew I was different though. I just knew that I don't go out and search for this kind of nonsense.

But, with me talking to them more and more they finally asked the big question. "Yo, man what's your name?"

I froze. "Uhhhhh, Ryan."

They busted out laughing. "You waited too long. We know that's a fake name. C'mon man, we ain't gonna hunt you down when we get out of here," they said trying to reassure me. Really? I wasn't too sure about that one, but to make them feel like dumb asses as they laughed at me, I grabbed my ID badge and showed them my name.

They got another good laugh when they found out that I wasn't lying, but decided to give me a nickname instead of calling me Ryan. They shortened my last name and after that point I was called, "Cliff."

I found out there names too. The toothless black man who looked like Tyrone Biggums was actually called Tyrone! The other black man who looked around my age was Anthony, or Tony for short.

Tony, Tyrone and Cliff....BFF.

I could feel a new social link open up in my life. /sarcasm

Tony was reading a newspaper. I could hear him flipping the paper thin pages over from above him.

Newspaper? I wonder what sort of zaniness was going on in the world while I was stuck in this joint. I looked over the bunk so I could get a glimpse of what he was reading. In all actuality the more I thought about it, the more I just wanted that days sudoku. That is if no one else had gobbled it up yet. So, I asked him to let me see the paper when he was done. He did, and I quickly scammed though the comics for my precious numbers puzzle.

It was still there! And it hadn't been touched, heh. I tore it out as Tony looked on. He was like "Awww hell nah. This nigga thinks he smart or something." I just ignored him with a smile as I asked to borrow a pen. He mentioned that they used to have someone bunking with them that used to always play these games. Tyrone jumped in the conversation speaking something about him never being able to figure them out. It being Saturday meant that this was the hardest level sudoku the newspapers published. I didn't say anything to them, I just borrowed a pen and went to work.

I was glad this was a hard one. The harder it was meant the more time I would waste trying to decipher it and thus make the day go by quicker. Sadly, I did this one in like record time. Thirty or so minutes which greatly disappointed me. I gave back my pen with a hint of displeasure on my face. tony took that as me giving up. The man said some jokes before I dropped the completed puzzle too.

Tony and Tyrone didn't stop talking about how they had never seen anyone complete one of those so fast or something, that they were amazed. Yay, groupies.

The day light started to remove itself from my bedchamber which meant the end of my bounty hunter exploration. What I got out of that days read was that Boba Fett was a bad ass. Wish he didn't die (or not die) like a bitch in the third movie, heh.

There was another movie we watched as night crept inside the prison, but I can't remember it. That night it took me forever to fall asleep for some reason. But eventually it happened, and it was good.

Day 3 was over.

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You know, I've known a lot of dudes who have done time but they never really talked about it. This is actually really interesting to read despite the shitty circumstances.

Oh and uh technically Lucas said it was canon that Fett escaped from the Sarlacc Pit just so you know. :P

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Day 4 - Sunday

3:00 am

Again it felt like I had just closed my eyes when I was getting nudged to wake up for the morning goulash. I faintly remember this breakfast though.

Everything was starting to get routine in this lace. That kind of scared me. I walked down the stairs in silence, as did most everyone else. The banter of barter had begun even before people were starting to get their food. I wait my turn in the line of infinite losers just to satisfy my hunger. I hadn't shaved or done any of the sort since I had left my house those few years ago. Time was not being kind to me. Usually I pray that the day lasts longer because I had so much to enjoy. Now, I wanted those long days to end as quickly as humanly possible. I was given no such respite.

I grab my Styrofoam tray of whatever along with two slices of white bread and start to walk off. I get yelled at. I stop. Looking back around I see that the guard who was serving us was yelling at me to come back. I had no idea what was going on, so I just complied and stood there like a jackass. here's what he told me.

"Oh, you got the butt end of the bread. You get an extra slice."


I get an extra slice of bread, how kind of you mister! You made my day. /sarcasm


Just give me my crappy meal and shut up already. I hope he didn't think that extra piece of bread meant anything to me. I'm one of the few people who doesn't mind the butt of the bread. I think breakfast was some sort of potato stew thing or something. It didn't taste bad honestly.

Like it mattered. I ate my food, said a couple jokes about the cop and went back to my hole in the wall to hibernate as long as they would let me.

9:00 am

Cursing. That's what woke my up at first.

Lights. That's what kept me up afterwards.

Something had happened and all the lights in our block were on. Me being on the top bunk meant this sucked big time for me. I don't do sleep well with lights in my face and I can't sleep on my stomach sober. I would come to find out that one of the newer inmates was complaining to the cops that the lights in the shower were off and that he was paranoid or something and wanted them on. He asked enough to get on the smart ass side of the cops, so whoever was stationed to guard us that day felt the need to punish us all. They did turn on the lights in the shower, along with every other light in the damn holding cell.


So we all suffer. And the person responsible suffers as well. Not physically mind you, but verbally the dude got berated.

"Dude was fucking scared of getting raped in the dark."

"Fucking pussy."

"I'll give him something to be scared of."

"This shit head fucked all of our days up."

and so on...

They didn't do anything to the guy, but honestly I didn't even see who they were screaming at. This was the first day that I didn't get to sleep all the way to lunch. I figured today was going to suck.

The news was on. Batman was doing phenomenal as expected, but wow was it doing better then I anticipated. First thing I'd do when I got out of this joint was to watch this movie. My soul demanded it. Another thing I saw was news on Metrocon.

Metrocon? Damn! I was supposed to go to that with my friends. I had completed forgotten that it was this week. I hadn't seen AJ and the gang in some tie, those cons were always so childish and pure. They were a good source of jokes and it made me sad to know I would have to wait another year before enjoying that event again. The funny thing was, was as we watched the news on that anime convention every inmate yelled and joked about what kind of lame ass loser types would be caught dead dressing up like cartoons and going to those pansy ass meetings.


I didn't stand up and declare that I went to those cons. I kinda just nodded at the few jokes and let it be. Really, would you blame me? I was petrified in that place. I wasn't sure what any of these people were capable of if pushed or looked at the wrong way. Best just let them think of me as a cop beating inmate. One of the guys.

10:00 am

Lunch was actually not bad. Meat patty of some sort and with the bread they gave us, I made a hamburger of sorts. No ketchup or anything fancy, but the meat had enough sauce around it that I could sort of dip the burger and soak in all the juices. plus, there was a cookie for an added touch. How thoughtful. I ate and went back upstairs and read. The lights made it impossible to even think about sleeping.

Tony started to bother me as I laid in my bed trying to read some more of the SW book. Someone had busted out a chess board and he asked me if I wanted to play.

Chess? Haven't played since like High School. "Sure." I say nonchalantly, and I jumped down and we went downstairs to one of the tables and set up a game. My armpits smelled like rotten dead baby fungi. I figured it would be best to play with them at my side. No one had yet came to me and questioned it, so maybe I was doing a good job of hiding the funk?

Downstairs was like Def comedy jam. The blacks had set up a barber shop of sorts, equipped with a seat for hair cuts and everything! I was the whitest person downstairs as far as I could tell. Eyes darted to me and Tony as he set up the game. I was going to play chess in jail? I guess so. Whatever to pass the time.

First game was a warm up game. I got the best of him in like thirty minutes. The next game was over quickly, he lost his queen early and I just destroyed all his pieces systematically. The next game I did the same thing, but I got rid of all his pieces just playing around and he pulled a mulligan out on me for not mating him in five turns afterwards. Game four I was barely paying attention, lost my queen in a silly sacrifice by him and still managed to win.


Tony was starting to looked a little peeved off. So, I sandbagged the next two games and gave him some wins. I don't need someone sleeping in the same room as me mad at me and then stabbing me with a shank as I sleep. Let the poor soul get some wins to boost his ego, what did I care if I won or not? Was I going to come back and brag that I was a better chess player then some prisoner?

Of course I was! Nigga didn't have shit on me!

After the last two losses dude asked me if I played spades. now things were picking up. Somehow this reminded me of lunch period at Leto. I used to play spades all during lunch. Spades was my game, I dominated in that game. Cheating or not. tony found two other players and picked me, Cliff as his partner. Smart choice.

Ugh, that reminds me. One of the guys we played against was disgusting. Dude had pink eye or something going on his his left eye. It was beat red and ooze was coming out of it. It was nasty. Sadly no one else was down to play, so we had to get him.


I mean, when I'm telling you this guy's eye was ugly looking, I'm not even exaggerating. he said because he didn't have solution or a case to put his contacts in, that his eye had gotten infected. it looked like someone had poured hot sauce in his eye and then some antacid to make it ooze out like an eruption.

Enough? heh

Long game told shortly, we won every major game needed to win all three games by a huge margin. Afterwards I ran upstairs and washed my hands thoroughly a couple times. Tony followed suit. He had the same thoughts as me, dudes eye was sick with it.

4:00 pm

Dinner was fairly good on that day. Meatballs and mashed potatoes. best meal I had in that place.

I guess there was a board game frenzy going on this day. Monopoly was the next game of choice. Awesome, I hate Monopoly, but that game does a damn fine job at wasting time. Just what the doctored ordered.

The contestants were: Me, a crack head, Tony, some guy who looked to be a back Neo-Nazi from American History X, and some black dude who couldn't stay still. (crack head number 2?) I picked the boat as my piece.

I ended up owning the yellow blocks of the game and held my own till the end, but American History man was cheating or something. He dominated and after a couple of hours, I gave up. It was fun for what it was. there was plenty of crack headed moments, like people stealing property and smuggling money under the table. And they wonder why they are in this place?

I was in the game circle now. They asked me to play Risk next. Sweet another boring, long as hell board game. Sunday was flying by now. I accepted, but sadly I knew it would never be as glorious as the sessions me, Dan, Ravi, and Chris ever were a part of.

Risk is so gawd damn boring. I was like 3rd out out of five people. That was enough for me, I was board gamed out. I played stupid and thinned out all my armies which left me wide open for counter attacks. My cards came and went like the quickness.

I went back to my bed. Night had come back to greet me. I loved night time, it meant another day had come and gone. I won't lie, I had a blast on Sunday. I had finally gotten used to most of the people I was staying with and most of their comments were starting to actually strike me as comical. I was getting comfortable with my entrapment.

I stayed up the rest of the night watching Oceans Eleven. I want that outfit Brad Pitt wears at the end of the movie when he comes to pick up Billy Ocean. "Ted Nugent called he wants his shirt back."

I love that shirt!

With me getting more comfortable I had a feeling the next coupel of days weren't going to be so bad. I was meshing well with my convict compadres.

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Day 5 - Monday

3:00 am

Breakfast again. The only thing special about this meal was that Tyrone was acting nervous. I felt the need to ask what the deal was. he told me that he had been in this place for thirty-something odd days and still hadn't seen a judge. He said that if he didn't see a judge soon (like around 40 days in) and get a sentence that they would have to release him. I found it funny that they would keep anyone in here for that long of a stint without seeing a judge. It seemed that he was close to getting released if they didn't send him away, thus his nervousness.

In any case, I just thought of the what-if scenario of me being in here for that long. I guess I would be itching to not see a judge too. However, sleep was more important to me at the moment. I said a little prayer for a bunch of things and fell to sleep again.

Noise. I have no idea what time it is, but I am woken up by one of the intercoms blasting my name in our block. I heard some of the inmates calling me out by my nickname. I had no idea what was going on. I looked down to question my two cellmates, but both Tyrone and Tony were gone. I guess Tyrone didn't escape the judges wrath, poor soul.

I asked a wandering fellow what was going on, he said something that blew my mind. "Your going home Cliff."

I had to rub my eyes. I didn't question anything, I just picked up all my junk (mat, pillow, razor, etc.) and ran downstairs. The cop by the cell door took a look at my badge and let me out. I stood in the middle of the multi-roomed cell and took a deep breath. Was I going home so early?

I waited there for what seemed like eternity. Apparently I wasn't the only one leaving, they started calling other peoples names and before I knew it there was like seven or so people out in the hall standing around like idiots. Thankfully I didn't have to carry all my junk, the made me toss all that stuff in some bin. I was back to the bear minimums, what I came into this place with. Everyone else had bags of candy and other things they had collected. Who cared about that crap, we were getting released!

Or so I thought at the time. Rather, that was what I was hoping. Little did I know that all this waiting around just meant I was being transferred. I guess they don't keep anyone in the same spot for a long time for a reason. This process of moving us around took at least two hours. Most of us got separated into different areas of the jail. not that I knew any of these people. It was just a long period of awkward silence.

Warning: Celebrity Sighting! That's right, I saw someone of certain status in this joint! The one, the only Nick Hogan. Ok, who really cares about Nick Hogan, but I found it funny that I was in the same jail that he was serving in for that stupid shit he did. I saw him when I was being transferred into my new area. I didn't talk to him, I just passed by. I think he was working or something, seemed busy.

Moving on.

My new place of rest. It was a building of some sort. Reminded me of a summer camp style bunking area. It was like a huge one story house. Instead of having mini semi-rooms, this place just had one big wide open area with bunk beds in every corner. The room I went to had to be right out of a boys N the hood sketch. Negros overfilled this place, most of the other folk in here, if they were white or anything else were old and scrawny. The blacks most definitely controlled this area. I don't want to say I was afraid of them; let's just say one of them was wearing a damn eye patch. Really?

Since this place was more closed off, and only had one story the noise was amplified to the tenth power. And here I thought the other place was a tad loud. I found an empty bunk in one of the end corners, top of course. At least this mat I picked up was a lot more comfortable then the last place, I just had to trade a quieter stall for a more comfortable sleeping area. Makes sense in this hell hole I guess. I quickly tried to fall sleep, but was woken up by one of the black guys underneath me.

He poked me and asked if I wanted a bottom bunk. That one of the guys was getting moved and a bottom bunk was going to be available. Oh hell yeah! I jumped on that shit with the quickness. It took some time to clean the place up, but bottom bunks were like the Rolls Royce of this place. Not only can hang covers around your area to make a tent like thing, but...well that's pretty much all you can do, but that's fucking awesome. Lights didn't matter anymore, I was in my own little Batcave in that piece. I felt like a little kid making a fort.

Also, by taking the bottom bunk when I had just arrived, it seemed that I had upset a lot of the people sleeping on top bunks for awhile. Uh oh...

10:00 am

I got situated just before lunch. Thank goodness, it was starving. Those bologna and cheese sandwiches never tasted so good.

Back in the C block there was more people coming and going. A couple of crackheads showed up. I was lucky enough to have them in my area. Me being one of the lighter skinned people in this place, they felt at ease with me? I dunno, but they were very talkative with me. One of them especially was a chatter box, and had the memory span of a goldfish. I felt bad, but I kept switching my story when I talked to him, and every time he seemed a little confused, but rolled with it. It was funny, you should have been there. In any case, it seemed I befriended him and a couple other honkies in the process. we all holed up in the same corner.

One was a dealer, a young person who liked the Mars Volta.

Another was an even younger person who had a problem with breaking into peoples cars and stealing stuff that wasn't his.

The crackhead I mentioned earlier, he was always talking about how proud he was of getting into fights in this place, and that he was always getting moved and how he knew this place front to back. Are those things to be proud of? I guess to a crackhead maybe. We formed an unholy white boy alliance for a little bit.

Whatever, it made the time go by quicker. We played spades and I even got to borrow some deodorant from these guys. Thank goodness, my arm pits smelled like sewer mold.

4:00 pm

Dinner time! Weeeeeeeeeeeee. The fearsome foursome sat together and made jokes about things, Nick Hogan was a topic we discussed. I mentioned I saw him. It seemed he was not liked in these confines, and that people thought very low of him. I guess that was why he was kept away form the general population. Being a celeb in jail can't be fun, unless your Martha Stewart.

We got back to our small apartment and watched some George Lopez for a little bit. Everyone loves George Lopez. The crackhead told me how he had this show on dvd. Good for him.

Another white boy came up to us. He called himself the master of this block or something. Like he had been in this particular room the longest. He wanted to lay spades, so all of us except the music dealer went and played with him. This kid thought he was hood. He had a headset on as he played cards with us and I guess was listening to a rap song of some sort. He started to bob his head and and flail his arms up like a ghetto gangster or something. The place erupted. By erupted I mean with laughter. All the black people in the room were watching him and were mocking and insulting him to his face. They would shout, "Word!" and other comments in his face and would mimic his mannerisms right back to him. The kid did his best to ignore him, I kinda felt bad for the kid.


I am not sure what we did for the rest of the day, but it was probably watch some court shows or the news. I will never understand the infatuation with court shows is. We are in jail, why do we want to see a show where a judge is going to fuck over someone else? Is that supposed to make me feel better?

At night, instead of calming down, this place got even louder. Me and my group got into a debated football conversation. They started to call me stat boy because whenever they had a question about anything, I had the answer. It got doubly bad when the Bucs or any other Florida team was mentioned. These debates would range into the early parts of the night. I got so mixed in and involved that I hadn't noticed the noise around me had subsided.

"Hey, Bucs Bonus. Shut the fuck up!" Came the voice of one of the black guys I guess trying to get some sleep now.

"Ask Stat Boy a question!" Came from another corner of the place. The place was starting to get loud again. They would repeat what someone else said and it would never get old, because each time it was said they would burst out laughing again.

"Hey, whose the starter for the Bucs?"

I knew what was coming, but I obliged, "Jeff Garcia." I said i a loud enough voice so whoever asked the question would hear me.

"Jeff Garcia he said!" Laughter. It was fucking def comedy jam up in this place. It was like Chris Tucker was on stage.

If I kept egging these people, I'd never get to sleep. I laid down in my dark comfortable sleeping area and looked up at the bunk for a long time. I had to be around one am or something, but I couldn't sleep. I resorted to my age old technique I used to use back when I had sleep anxiety; I started to recite rpgs story progression in my head. The hardest part was always picking the game. The game I used the most was Final Fantasy 4. I know that game like the back of my hand. this time the game I chose was Lufia. I got to Gades invasion before I finally lost track and fell asleep. Another successful trip down rpg memory lane.

Day five was over. Everything got flipped turned upside down on me today. I had to meet and greet new people. My comfort level was low, but I managed in the end. I just hoped that they wouldn't move me any more.

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  • 3 months later...

er, I need to finish this...if I even remember everything anymore...

Day 6 - Tuesday

4:00 am

Bottom bunk was amazing. As amazing a bed could be in a prison that is. I had the bitch fully tented so when the lights hit for breakfast I was still uncomfortably asleep. Thankfully the loud overhead speaker got me out of my dream phaze long enough to notice it was time to eat. This cell block area thing served breakfast at 4, an hour later then the last hole I was in. Yay? Who cares right.

Me, and my four short term friends all sat together. There was the fight-proned crackhead who was ever proud of his latest skirmishes within the walls. The Thief who slept above me. The dealer who only talked about msuic and the fact of that he couldn't wait to get out so he could keep selling. And then there was one of the guys who transfered to this block with me. He was quiet, I don't think I ever asked him what he did to get in here, but he looked to be the quickly agitated kind. Most fo these men sported tatoos of some kind. I felt supremely out of place. (and rigthfully so)

At least they were easy to talk to. I also bummed off some of there contraband. Mooching in prison of all places. Old habits die hard I guess. Not like I was ever goign to see these people again. might as well use them for whatever I could get out of them. I only had a couple more days left in this place.

Doing the math was fun. I was already over the halfway point by now. This being Tuesday, I had just around 100 hours left in this filth box. This of course was just accounting for my initial sentence of ten days, minus the one day I had of time served already. I figured I'd be out of this place by sometime Friday at worst.

The food was unmemorable, as usual. Breakfast came and went and I was back in my cave before I knew it. All the chatter in the world wasn't going to stop me from my slumber. Did I mention this bed was like ten times more comfortable then my last hard, stiff mess? Anyways, off to sleep I went.

10:00 am

Lunch. More of the same. Me and those other guys stuck together, talked crap about stuff from the outside world, and ate some less then deseriable food and went back to our tiny room of entrapment. Back in our humble abode, we were greeted with some new faces. That meant that some people were leaving. The thief and crackhead left and were replaced by some black guy and this huge italian looking dude named Kevin. Kevin slept above me, he was like twice my size. If he wanted he could have moved me out of my bottom bunk by force, but thankfully the dude was saint-like. The dealer was gone too. It seemed he left while we were all sleeping. Something about him requesting a job and working all day long. It was all good, more deoderant for me!

Sitting around after lunch me and Kevin started to talk. This guy was a sweetheart, he didn't look like he belonged here either. I learned that he had lost everything because of his ex-girlfriend calling the cops on him at his own house after her ex tried to break into Kevin's house and he retaliated. What a great system, eh? Like I mentioned, he had lost everything. She had sold all his stuff when he was taken away. He lost his job, and literally had nothing to his name. His story made me sick.

in any case, he was a big computer nerd and he loaned me his gamer magazine. A couple months old, but it still helped the time pass.

Brawl had just come out in this edition. Yay! Me and Kevin talked about that series for a good while too. I so wanted to play him and test my abilities against him, against anyone. I missed video games. I missed just about everything.

Game time! Played spades and ocne again dominated. Caught some fools renigging as well. ATTENTION: I Now know where puerto-ricans come from. i was playing against this 18 year old dude. He was 95% mexican and 5% indian. He had two kids and was serving six months in here for something. Also, he seemed proud of it as well. Amazing.

I got mixed up with some conspiracy theories as well while I was in here. While we were watching the news, there was a topic about the on going war. Seeing this, one of the inmates scared the living hell out of me. He said that if anyone were to ever invade US soil, that prisons are to immediately execute every inmate held in captivity. I am not sure if this is true or not, but ebing inside the joint when soemone tells you this is not a fun feeling. I wanted out desperately.

Religion was a big topic, for obvious reasons. Men who had no where else to turn, who were spending a good amount of their adult life imprisoned, who needed that calling, that acceptance, that feeling that even after all their fuck ups, that someone would still forgive them, they turned to the bible and to Jesus and his teachings. It's easily understandable. There was someone I felt bad for in here, though I can not remember his name. He was a drug addict who had brain damage from something, but he always kept a bible close at hand. When i talked to him, he didn't even fully understand what he was reading, but he knew that the words spoken to him had meaning. He just couldn't comprehend them. He was a nice enough guy, though he was the bud of everyones jokes at the expense of his own density.

This was just like high school.

4:00 pm

Dinner. If I remember correctly, this was a good meal...compared to all the slop they had fed us earlier. Then again, even by those standards, nothing to write home about.


I missed my mom. I know she was worried about me. It had been five days since I last talked to her. I wondered how good my camping cover up would work with her. I wondered what all my friends were doing. I thought about a lot of things. Did anyone miss me? Did anyone that knew where I was care enough to stop their daily routines and worry about my well being? Was I just a non factor to everyone around me for those days? Was there anyone out there thinking about me at that very second? I couldn't think of anyone off the top of my head. I was depressed and alone, surrounded by some of the worst humans, or some of the unluckiest ones. I would have to classify myself as being one of the unlucky ones. Someone who was wrongfully accused, someone who the system could use in their money making scheme. Someone who would become part of their system.

A slave.

(I later learned when I was out that my friend Steven was going to visit me, but that I got out before he was going to come. That actually made me feel a lot better...afterwards. Ha.)

Then there was a light in the darkness. One of the toothless inmates heard us talking and joined in our discussions. He asked me what I was in for and for how long. When I told him and told him how long I had already been in, he gave me a little nugget of blessed information. He said that if I was given ten days, that the prison has a system of good behavior. That I would have two days shaved off my sentence including the one day of good behavior. That changed everything. If he was right, that meant I would be out of there by Wednesday...Tomorrow!

Of course I asked around about this finding. Most the people said he was wrong, other said i would only get the one day of time served off, other said different things. since no one could agree on any onerumor, I didn't bank on the man's words. If I heard my name tomorrow then, yeah, I'd be extatic. If not then I would have to wait my turn like the rest of us in here. Us? Ugh, that thought sickened me. Sometimes I felt like I would never get out of this place.

I had no idea what time it was, but it was getting dark out which meant one thing. The end of another sluggish, long day. Thing was, I wasn't tired, not in the slightest. Truth be told I was anxious. That news of me maybe getting out tomorrow had me antsy. I was wired and I wasn't even drinking any of the (assumingly) nasty coffee that was being whored around.

I saw a Playboy being passed around. What the hell right? I wasn't going to whip my dick out and start jerking it, but hell, naked women beat the hell out of anything in here. i walked up to the dude who had it and asked if I could look through it. He said sure, and I took it back to my little cave.

great success!

Just my luck too! it was Wonder Women on the cover. How could I resist? I'm such a nerd. Of course I want to see her naked! I opened it up and was thoroughly dissapointed. All the pictures were cut out of the magazine. This place was hell. Was there anything in here worth a damn?

It's prison, what kind of question was that?

It had happened before, but I had to use the bathroom. I tried to find a good time when no one was in the place and made my move. The other cell I was in had just one toilet so there was somewhat of a privacy measure to be had. In this place there was just three toilets all next to each other and across from them were three urinals. My luck, empty room. I had been saving this one for awhile.

Let's not go overboard, but this was a good shit. Alone, quiet (for the most part), and much needed. one person did try to come into the bathroom while I was in there, but I think the smell detered him and he quickly retreated. Mission accomplished.

The night progress regularly enough. I played some risk with what looked to be war vets who took the game too serious. (I could never defend Kumchatka as well as ravi ever did.) I also built (put together?) a puzzle... What? Doing puzzles is a normal thing...in prison. What else did I have to do, besides that took a lot of time, plus the conversations around the puzzle square was entertaining enough. The white boy who was being made fun of last night told me he turned 19 in prison. How lovely! What a way to spend your birthday. Although my last two days of birth hadn't been too much better. He also told me that right when he was getting out that his girl was waiting, and that he was getting "mad pussy." Must be nice.

Later on at night I noticed a bunch of people in what seemed to be a line of some sorts forming outside the bathroom. Me being the curious sort, I decided to take a peak.

Workout time! The inmates had made a weight room of sorts in the bathroom. It felt like I was in one of those old prison flicks. This was the set up: They had an old mop handle, a pillow case, a plastic bag and a lot of water. What they did was fill up the plastic bag with water, tie that up, put that in the pillow case, tie the pillow case to the middle of the mop stick and voila, curling bar. I waited my turn and did a couple of sets. I could see how if I had stayed here longer I could have gotten relatively large, but in the end I only did this one night. It was fun though, everyone was in a joking mannor. most of the people working out even corrected me when I went and curled, they showed me the "proper" way to curl a pillow sack filled with water.

When I got my workout fix, I left the gym. I was exhausted, but not tired. I laid down in my bed and just stared at the top of my bunk. It felt like a lifetime of oppurtunity was slipping through my fingers while I was in here. I was going nowhere in school. I was striking out with every girl I tried to build a relationship with. I was working at two dead end jobs. And to top it all off, I was in prison. I needed to change things around, but that would prove to be harder then just thinking about it.

I fell into a quiet slumber thinking heavily about my future. Hopefully this would be the last time I ever had to go through this experience. If anything it made me stronger.

Even if I initially didn't notice.

Day 6 was over.

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  • 1 year later...


I never finished this?

Well, better late then never right?


Day 7 - Time unknown

I hated the overhead intercom. It always woke me up entirely too early, and it never had anything good or positive to relay. Except, when it woke me up this morning, It was the most glorious annoying alarm I had ever been woken up by. The muffled voice called out my name. You have no idea how happy and confused I was at the same time. After a couple of prodding questions, I learned what I wanted to hear. i wasn't getting moved anymore. I was getting out!


I was shaking with just about every nerve in my body. The endless torement and depressing atmosphere was just about over. I had to check, doucle check, and even triple check that this was actually happening. Kevin, who was the inmate who was sleeping above me, was somewhat happy and sad to see me go. He was the closest thing I'd call a friend in this joint, so we said some farewells and I'm pretty sure he was the only person I actually shook their hand. He was someone I could relate to, and in the end, the only thing I could do to show any sign of compassion to his cause was to give him the bottom bunk. He gladly accepted. Shame I never knew what happened to him, hope he got out more early then later.

So once again I packed up all my things and set off to the front of the holding area. I got heckled by pretty much all the goons I walked by, some calling me Bucs Bonus, some just calling me fag. I pretty much didn't even hear anything anymore. I was shocked that it was all wrapping up and over. Well just about.

They checked my ID badge and opened the let me out. I relinquished all of my items once again, only this time for good! Bye bye matress, bye linens and things, bye crappy toothbrush, bye bye crazy lunatics, hello freedom!

I did it. Whatever it is, it had been done! I reeked something fierce, but my plan to have no close encounters was a successful one. My anus was safe once again. It felt good to unclench it. No, really, all jokes aside that was what I was most fearful of while in this place. I guess rape isn't that funny after all. heh

They made me wait, what seemed like an hour at the front entrance of the building. They didn't really say anything to me. Well, no. That's a lie. One of the guards actually asked me something. he said somethign along the lines of, "Are you excited?"

What kind of stupid shit... I hate these people. Comedians all around me.

One other person who was holed up in a different room came out. Looks like we were the two lucky ones. We exchanged a nod which said more then I can decribe to you in just a couple of words. It was like we were getting out of a beautiful struggle.

It was nothing new to these guys, but I wanted them to speed this crap up. They were taking their sweet time with it all. I'm sure they had to wait for checks and signals, or whatever protocol they followed in this joint, but even in their release methods they string you out and make you wait. It's gawd damn torture, and I know they do it on purpose. I now know what a dog feels like when you put food in their dish, but order them not to eat it.

The gaurds got the paperwork all settled out and me and this black dude were escorted out and walked to some other building. Truth be told this compound was confusing as hell. Nothing ever looked the same, even though I'm sure I was just retracing my steps only backwards towards the entrance. In any case, we picked up some other guys who were getting released as well and all of us (five total) all hoped into the back of one of those transport vans. the funny thing of it all was they had cages in the van and locked us in the back of it. Why? we were all gettig out of jail, why the hell would we cause a scene or try to escape from the people who are escorting us to our freedom? Whatever, silly jailhouse rules I suppose.

The maze of buildings led us past gates and guards alike. We stopped at about three closed off sections, while the driver exchanged paperwork and mingled with friends before we finally arrived at the big building which looked somewhat familiar. I assumed we had arrived back at the place where they have the initial holding area. Ladies and gentlement we have come full circle and arrived at the begining of it all.

More security stop and ID checks and more guards freeloading talking to friends while the group of us just waited for them to carry on with our release methods. I just wanted to say, "Hey, you can go ahead and chatter like a couple of gossip hens, I'll find my own way out." ... Oh, if only.

I was basically a mute during this entire time. The other guys were all making snide remarks towards the guards, but I just smiled out of courtesy. Joking is fine, but who knows what is cause for them to terminate your early release and what not. I wasn't going to find out. All I knew was that we were getting closer to me getting the hell out of here.

We walked through more security areas and had our paperwork checked again. I swear, what do these guys think about their inmates? that some of them are Houdini and can find a way to get a body double during all these checks and scans? It is really annoying having them grab your wrist and look to see if you are actually you for the fifth time in an hour. Can we speed this process up please?

The guards takes all the paperwork we were carrying around and gives it to a clerk behind some glass window. This could only mean that things were wrapping up. After a short 30 minute delay we were escorted into a waiting room. Now, this was something I was familiar with. The end of the end. It was almost time to get out of these smelly ass clothes! I had completely forgotten what I even came into this place wearing.

We all get in this small ass room and again, after a considerable amount of waiting we start getting called one at a time to the attendent at the window. Of course a guard is in the room with us, and we sign a waiver and the lady gives each of us our clothes and/or items back. Naturally this is jail, so there is no privacy, so we have to strip naked in this room in front of strangers and put on our other clothes on. Fun. It wasn't any fun stripping down in front of strangers during my days as a wrestler and it still isn't any fun. At this point of this whole ordeal, shame had been a word long forgotten, so off went my clothes without as much as a second thought.

It felt good to get out of that orange jump suit. My regular clothes were liberating. Jeans and my own pair of boxers! I instantly turned on my phone to see if I had any battery power left, whcih I did. I also noticed that it was just under five o'clock in the morning. I am not sure when I woke up today, but I assume it was just before breakfast or during it. Who cares right?

There was no reception in this area, so I had to wait until I was completely out before I could call someone to come pick me up. The only person I could count on, was my brother.

I waited my turn and finally after what seemed like hours of waiting, my ordeal had finished. They led me to a room that was like the last security stop before freedom. I signed some more paperwork, the receptionist said some sort of congratulatory statement which I scoffed off, and pointed me towards a door. They close you off in this room with nothing in it other then the door you walked in though and the other door across from it. Then they make you wait there for a stupidly long time. You get the clearing, you hear a click, the door unlocks and...

You see the beginings of the sun brightening the dark skies, dispelling the night. Calling forth a bright new day. I was back in the delivery room where familes come to pick up their loved ones. No one was waiting for me. I smiled.

I took a seat at one of the chairs and called my brother. Now, I think I mentioned that I was mad at him, that it was his fault I got in this mess in the first place, but none of that mattered now. The phone rang and rang. It was early, who knows if he would answer, but to his credit he did and sounded surely surprised.

"You're out already?"

Hells yes I'm out asshole, come get me. GET ME GET ME GET MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

...or what I really said, "Yeah." He responded that he was getting up and was going to pick me up. it was about an hour drive from his house, so what could I do while I waited...

That's right! If you forgot I had brought my gameboy advanced with me and it was nice and safe in the cops holding area along with all my other junk. I guess it did have its purpose. Pokemon was what I had brought with me, so I spent the dwindling hour surfing and fighting water types with a Jolteon or something. Gawd damn it felt good to play a video game again!

I WAS FREE!!!!!!

When my brother got there we shared a tender loving moment, exchange a hug. I love my brother, despite his faults and all. Life is too short and crazy to waste having ill feelings towards anyone, especially if they are family. Because those assholes you are going to have to deal with for the rest fo your life!

As we walked back to my car, we talked about bull shit. He had waited to see the Dark Knight which was awesome. i was so ready to go and watch that, but first...

I wanted food. We went to Burger King and I ate the most delicious Whooper that had ever graced a fast food grill. I did my scar special and put the fries into the burger, honestly why doesn't this just come naturally? I just want you all to know how amazing this food was compared to the trash I had been filling my stomach with for the past week.

We stopped by his house and for the first time in a week I took a shower. I do beleieve this had been the longest time I had ever spent without showering, so i took a couple of baths. I spent about an hour in the shower just sitting under the hot water laughing, reapplying soap and shampoo every now and then for the hell of it.

The rest of the day was a wash. I watched the Dark Knight which was amazing (Like you all didn't know that already, heh.) and had to explain to my mother that my phone didn;t get reception out at the camping site we were at. She was a little worried about me, but I gave her a kiss and a hug and told her that I was fine and she let it go after awhile. I ended the day by literally throwing myself onto my bed and getting the best sleep of my life. I just hope this whole experience made me grow, if only just a little.

Day 7 was over. Dread Quest 8 - Journey of the Cursed Cuban was complete!


Somehow I had fooled my own parents and even my job into thinking I was just away from society on a trip or mourning a death in my family. Hahahaha

What a crazy adventure, lets never do that again!

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