rate my poem

[margot]

I remember coming because the girl was beautiful and leaving aroused only by her oil paints and photo negatives you tell me an average is the center of human behaviors when I explain average is exclusive.

we drew smiling faces on the rings of flower surrounding Chinese tombstones with our stolen children's paint set remembering when I stood capturing naked drenched feet in order avoid writing poetry and that fetishist's rain washed my flesh down to the lake of a typical masterpiece I never had.

so we decided to trade bones for pidgeons and long drags of love lines and life lines and white lines and we want to count the sidewalk lines.

[amy]

EXCELLENT A++++++++ WOULD PURCHASE AGAIN

(i liked it better than those new yorker poems and i want to say you're trying for the same thing)

[margot]

xD why ty I will edit it a little bit and then send it in for this scholarship contest

[Belial]

Truthfully, I think the sentences are too long; they tend to run around with little direction. I like some of the imagery, don't get me wrong, but when I read it, even out loud, the entire thing lacks any rhythm and seems to run on forever, despite its shortness.

Sorry, but I don't really dig modern poetry to begin with, so you might just want to ignore my comments.

[margot]

oh that was pretty terrible poem anyway, I just felt like posting something when I made this thread. I submitted another poem to a contest and I edited it a lot to get rid of pacing issues which I did not with that poemm.