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Accelerated Evolution

rate my poem

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I remember coming because the girl was beautiful and leaving aroused only by her oil paints and photo negatives you tell me an average is the center of human behaviors when I explain average is exclusive.

we drew smiling faces on the rings of flower surrounding Chinese tombstones with our stolen children's paint set remembering when I stood capturing naked drenched feet in order avoid writing poetry and that fetishist's rain washed my flesh down to the lake of a typical masterpiece I never had.

so we decided to trade bones for pidgeons and long drags of love lines and life lines and white lines and we want to count the sidewalk lines.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Truthfully, I think the sentences are too long; they tend to run around with little direction. I like some of the imagery, don't get me wrong, but when I read it, even out loud, the entire thing lacks any rhythm and seems to run on forever, despite its shortness.

Sorry, but I don't really dig modern poetry to begin with, so you might just want to ignore my comments.

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