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Accelerated Evolution

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noodle

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lately i've felt pretty indifferent and emotionally unattached to most people i hang out with. this seems like something thats gradually happened over the last several months. my thoughts have been focused more and more upon how i loathe my job, hate my school, and having nothing but disdain for where i live. in face i try to spend as little time here as possible. so why the hell am i here tonight?

i had sex not more than an hour ago, and decided to go back to my bed at home. alone.

sometimes i really don't even know why i bother. its been too long since i've been emotionally and intellectually attracted to anybody.

i think what bothers me is the fact that it doesn't really bother me. i used to love cuddling, the warmth of another etc.

but now i'm just here. alone in my bed.

perhaps i'm just used to it.

or should stop being such a slut.

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I think I get a bit of how you feel. I kind of fluctuate from two extremes though. I'm either really not interested in other people, or I get a painfully growing desire for affection from everyone around me. Most of the time I feel the former.

I like touching and feeling and all of that sexual shit, but I only want it while it happens. And then I have to leave. I have trouble staying somewhere in an intimate setting and I have to force myself to not get up and leave.

Ultimately, all that I want is to leave and proceed to isolate myself. That's why I moved away from the people that made me happy. Because I wanted them near me so badly that I just had to hold them back as far as I could. But now, even with people that I love around me, I left this morning and now I am alone with my cats. I've got two empty houses to myself and that's how I think I need it.

I guess maybe I am the opposite from you. I get so attached to people that I run away and miss them. I guess I'm not numb. I just feel too much so I try and make it stop. Well, that's at least what my boss told me.

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lately i've felt pretty indifferent and emotionally unattached to most people i hang out with. this seems like something thats gradually happened over the last several months. my thoughts have been focused more and more upon how i loathe my job, hate my school, and having nothing but disdain for where i live. in face i try to spend as little time here as possible. so why the hell am i here tonight?

i had sex not more than an hour ago, and decided to go back to my bed at home. alone.

sometimes i really don't even know why i bother. its been too long since i've been emotionally and intellectually attracted to anybody.

i think what bothers me is the fact that it doesn't really bother me. i used to love cuddling, the warmth of another etc.

but now i'm just here. alone in my bed.

perhaps i'm just used to it.

or should stop being such a slut.

To put it as blunt as possible, that shit gets old fast. You fuck so many people that after a while, it's like, "Meh. I got laid, so what's next?" Yeap. You begin to see people in a different way & you become different emotionally. After a while, no one becomes interesting & you rather be alone. You're pretty much going through that phase.

This might be a good time to take some time off work when you are off school & do a small road trip. Preferably somewhere far & isolated to see the country & meditate for a bit. I go out to Death Valley quite often & go to some pretty far & remote areas to meditate a bit. Helps out quite a lot & kinda puts a perspective in your life.

Well then young man! Just sit back & take it easy. (^o^ ) <3

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