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Accelerated Evolution


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Last night was the most akward night of my life. Jesus Fucking Christ. I've been up since two, and boy interesting stuff happened last night.

So my room mate had an initiation hazing type thing because he's a rookie on the basketball team. I was then left in our room all alone. I'm sick and have been since Tuesday, so I feel like shit and wanted to get extra sleep, so I went to bed at like 11 or 12, with the intention of sleeping until noon or so. Anyway, I shower, get ready for bed, and hit the hay. I had some really weird dream about Noam Chomsky and Anarchism and huge huge huge dry erase white boards like people put on doors, and I could move in all directions and was floating and shit and then I woke up and heard what sounded like two girls whispering to each other. First I thought that they might have come into my room through the white board on my door (there actually is no white board on my door) after they read about Anarchism, then I more rationally wondered if I had left the latch on my door sticking out, leaving my door slightly ajar. For some reason I considered the idea of girls sneaking into my room and talking perfectly rational and did nothing, until I realized it was my room mate and a girl.

I was freaking frozen in place. I mean, what the Hell do you say in a situation like that? Especially once I heard "How does your room mate sleep through everything?" (I fucking wish, sister) and then sloppy making out noises. So I pretended to be asleep. What was worse was that I really really fucking had to piss BADLY. So they end up going to the bathroom and I decide to make life hard for them, so I noisly did stuff around the room so they had to stay in the bathroom. I finally got back into bed. They came back in and... argh... more whispering and... noises. And then they showered, and I knocked on the door and was like, "Paul, are you showering? I have to go to the bathroom" and he said he'd be a moment and I just flopped down on my bed and let them walk by, went to the bathroom, and got back into the bed like nothing happened. More shit happened, I can't remember what, then I told Paul that I was going to go to the study room and read, so I put on jeans, grabbed some books and a box of tissues and headed for the study room. There were a load of people in the hall, and I thought, "Jesus, do these guys have something against sleep?", a thought which later turned out to be ironic. Anyway, I read for a bit, and then went back to my room and went to brush my teeth in the bathroom. I was brushing and pacing around the bathroom while doing so and I liked at the bath tub for a second. You know in horror movies, how there's sometimes that really, really shrill string music when something happens like, say, a character stumbling upon a corpse or realizing the monster is in the room, or whatever? That music played in my head. I stopped brushing mid brush. My eyes widened. I was frozen in horror as I stared into the tub.

There was a motherfucking used condom and a torn up condom wrapper blocking the drain.

After a few moments of petrified terror, I finished brushing my teeth very, very quickly, put on my flip flops, my hoody and my head phones with my iPod attatched, and hightailed it out of there as fast as humanly possible. I took a walk to a Tim Hortons that's about 15 minutes from my dorm and got an iced cappucino and a chocolate dip doughnut, and ate it there, while still listening to music. I then walked from there to this small 7/11 type store that has a sign saying it's open 25 hours a day (a 20-25 minute walk from the TH) and bought an Arizona iced tea. I then walked 3 minutes to this underground mall center type thing and went to the part with an elevator that takes you to my dorm's lobby. I took the elevator and then just sat vacantly in a chair in the lobby. My friend and floor mate Edmond walked by and we ended up talking and he rented some pool stuff so we could play pool in the lounge area. Some other people from my floor, and a chick from floor 5 were hanging out. I played pool and then some ping pong and at around 6:00 or 6:30, we headed up and some of us went to this kid, Nick's room and watched Reefer Madness (the 2005 film, it was AWESOME) and then I went and walked outside for quite a while to look for a razor and couldn't find a store that sells razors, so I bought a book on Existentialism instead.

I walked back, dropped stuff off in my room as quietly as possible, went to the caf, ate a veggie and swiss sandwich with some chocolate soy milk, then went upstairs, grabbed my laptop, iPod, and some books and went to the study room, where I am presently. Part way through this post, I went back to my room to go to the bathroom and they were awake. I was like "GOOD MORNING!" in a really cheery way and just went straight into the bathroom before they could respond. I got out of there as fast as possible, and here I am now.


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I suspect that this experience (I mean living in residence in general) will liberate the way you think about sex, among other things.

I think polyamory and polygamy are morally acceptable, people should be allowed to have sex once their biologically developed enough, zoophilia is acceptable to an extent, etc., etc. I just don't want to be in the room while you sloppily make out.

Also, we talked. He was really drunk and apologized and thanked me for not making a big deal of it.

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Honestly... I had the exact same problem when i lived in the dorms (as you may all remember from like 4 years ago). The worst was when i left the room to brush my teeth and walked in on my roommate going down on his girlfriend on the COUCH. So you know what I did? Just made it incredibly awkward for them from then on. If I heard them having sex, I'd make it a point to get up out of bed, turn on the TV, and start playing Contra (or sit on my computer and listen to music). Just acting oblivious to what they were doing. If they have the nerve to make YOU feel uncomfortable, try and one up them. That's the only way it ever worked for me. Eventually they got the hint (after only a few sessions of me playing Final Fantasy with them having sex in his bed) and started doing shit in her room. So ya, just do that if it happens again (which it doesn't sound like it will)

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We have a word for what happened to you: sexile. You were exiled by your roomate's sex. It seems like it has been resolved, but if it hasn't, then you need to talk to him again.

The condom blocking the drain is a bit more serious. That is not cool. Condoms do not belong in showers.

If problems are not resolved peaceably, then you might have to convince them that it is not in their best interests to antagonize you. Ideally, it won't come to that and you two will work out a satisfactory way of ensuring that you each can get the privacy that you need.

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Man.. people are jus nasty.. I mean he at least should have flushed the condom down the toilet at least, don't spaz out too much man.


never do this. condoms can clog a toilet the same they can clog a drain. and no one wants to unclog a poopy toilet to find a used penis mitten.

hell, dealing with a poopy toilet is bad enough as is!

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your reaction was pretty funny :awesome:

Personally i would have gotten up and calmly addressed the two and said something like "whatever man, i'll give you guys some privacy, its cool. Next time just give me heads up when you have some people over." then promptly chill somewhere else. I would have made him clean up that condom though, i would tell him thats pretty fucking sick.

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