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Accelerated Evolution

There Are Some Things Guys Should Always Do For Girls. Period.


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There's a Facebook group of the same name. It's sexist, treats women like children and forces both genders into rigid stereotypes. It also seems incredibly easy to troll, so I created a list parallel to the one on the front page.

Original list:

0. There are always exceptions to this list. The foundational exception is when you actually talk to the her and she says something different than what is included within this list. These suggestions don't provide you with the holy grail of dating or offer you the Ten Commandments for the Ladies Man, they're simply a push in the right direction for being a gentleman.

1. Open doors when possible - whether it be to a building or the passenger car door. the classic example that's stood the test of time.

2. When in a place of worship (or other places that have aisles and pews), if a man is at the end of the pew, when exiting he should stand in the aisle and let all the females go before him. (This seems odd to some people, yet normal for others. If you don't get it, don't worry about it, okay?)

3. A man should tolerate the occasional chick flick, musical, opera, or ballet - whatever her preference is - *without* complaining about it! (Because the guy may just like it.)

4. Play one of the songs that would make any woman weep like the little girl she once was (but in a good way). A brief list includes, but certainly isn't limited, to:

"You & Me" by Lifehouse

Anything by Frank Sinatra

Any rendition of "Everything I Do, I Do it for You"

"Collide" by Howie Day

"Out Of My League" by Steven Speaks

And MOST IMPORTANTLY "Question" by the Old 97's (if you propose to a girl with this song, she is putty in your hands).

("Putty in your hands" is not meant to promote "using women" in any way. This group does not encourage guys to be polite in order to get her into bed.)

5. Talk! The strong & silent bit goes from intriguing to boring quite fast.

6. Find out what her favorite flower is and buy them for her randomly (regardless of the situation you might be in). A simple yet profound truth: a single rose says more than dozens of anything else. (I encourage the women to not allow a guy to "prove himself worthy" through gifts and flowers and such. Trust is a precious thing and it should take a good chunk of time before he gains it back in your heart.)

7. If you miss her, or love her, TELL HER! Even your friends like to hear it every now & again.

8. Re-enact Zales commercials (the ice is nice but certainly not mandatory).

9. Remember: the best gifts you can give are usually free of cost.

10. Leave a note (or send a message) just to say "hi".

11. Ask her questions about herself.

12. Dress nice every once & a while. Any girl likes to see her brother/friend/boyfriend/etc. in a well-ironed button-up with some nice slacks.

13. PRIDE & PREJUDICE ...that's all I have to say about that (I mean, that should speak for itself). (It's even more impressive if he has read the book.)

14. Tolerate small children as best you can. Meaning, put up with the things that can get annoying. They're children, after all. Show them love and care, teach them how to become a better man than you. (You were once extremely irritating. Get over the obnoxious kids and enjoy getting down to their level - not "for her", but for the good of yourself and others.)

15. Learn to dance! There is nothing sexier than a man who can dance really well. If God did not bless you with the grace of Fred Astaire, at least put forth the effort, it will be greatly appreciated. Always slow dance (even if it's just like you danced in middle school). Also, men, sing to a lady. Even if you're terrible, suck it up! They love to listen to it and will not care what you sound like. It's the thought that counts on this one. Unless you're just downright terrible, nothing sexy about that. Haha, thanks, Jade!

16. Kiss her on the forehead.

17. When she's sick, stay up with her. If you can cook (which is *always* a plus), make her some soup. If you can't cook, there's Campbell's soup at hand for you.

18. Pretend to throw her in the pool (or fountain/pond). If you really do throw her in, you'd better jump in yourself. **NOTE** There are some women who just hate this apparently, so you had better do two things: 1) Never allow your buddies be a part of it if you're unsure of how she feels about getting thrown in and 2) You had better know how she feels about it!

19. Hold her hand while you talk, drive, or just for the heck of it (it's the small things that win you big points).


21. Stupid jokes = awkwardly adorable moments.

22. Tickle her, tease her, let her tease you back without getting all bent out of shape about it.

23. Don't call her hot, or pretty, or cute; call her beautiful, because that's what she is. (I don't think cute is that bad, but definitely stay away from "hot" [it's so overused and superficial] and step "pretty" up to beautiful or gorgeous or stunning or captivating or...)

24. Offer her your jacket/sweatshirt. (Note: you may not see that particular item of clothing for a while, if ever again).

25. Don't be too proud to apologize.

26. It's not stalking to watch her sleep if you fall asleep watching a movie. It is stalking to watch her sleep if you're standing outside her window with night vision goggles.

27. When she feels at her worst, tell her she looks her best.

28. If you're trying to get more than friendship out of the relationship, take it slow and never rush her.

29. Just because you're a guy doesn't mean you are completely incapable of calling when you say you will, it just means you are highly incapable of it. There are few acceptable answers to, "Why didn't you call?", & being male is not one of them.

30. Don't check out other girls in front of your female friends/sisters/mother, unless you are sincere when you later ask them if you think she could introduce the two of you for more reasons than you "want to get some".

31. Guys - always offer to pay for the date. No matter how expensive it gets, especially if YOU asked HER on the date. [if she is willing to pay now and again, don't let your "man pride" get in the way of her wanting to give back to you. she should understand money can be tight - especially when you're always buying]

32. Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can. And cheer her up in any way possible. [if she isn't always happy - and i've never met a girl who is - don't be afraid of her and don't be stupid and always, unquestioningly, blame it on PMS. be there WITH her when times are tough and she wants you there.]

33. When walking on the sidewalk, always walk on the outside near traffic. (So everyone has a different opinion for how this started. For some, it's because of the human waste that was getting thrown out the windows when this was happening a century ago. The woman walked under the overhangings extending from the buildings with the guy in the open to take the mess if need be. Others say it's from the guy's scabbard/sword being on his left with the woman walking on the right. As for today, it's the traffic and puddles and what-not. Whatever it is. It's just a courtesy thing, if it seems necessary.)

34. At least do everything in your power to keep cursing to a minimum while around her. If you can, cut it out period while around her, or cut it out of your vocabulary. Women don't want to hear it, guys don't care about it, adults don't want to hear it, it doesn't impress employers, and you sure won't want your children or someone else's to hear it!

35. Sometimes you have to take the initiative. Don't always wait for her to come to you, because if that's how it always is, you're going to lose her.

36. If any lady is walking alone to her car in a dark parking lot/garage, or is carrying a heavy load, always offer to help walk her to her destination and carry things, if not the entire load. **This may work a lot better and come off non-stalkerish if you at least know the girl you're trying to help. Haha thanks to a LOT of people on this revision.**

37. If a woman says no, let that be her final answer with maybe one question of confirmation after her first answer. Do not pressure or force her in any way after that. Don't make her give in to something she doesn't want to do.

38. Always be honest with her. No woman wants or likes a dishonest man. If you can't be honest with her, she can't trust you, and shows you don't trust her enough to be honest. Trust, honesty and integrity are just as an integral part of a relationship and just as important as love.

39. A man should always genuinely listen to women; no matter how bored or busy the man is. Actively listening to the woman will keep him from pain (and bring the man and woman closer together). This works best, of course, when both the man and the woman actively and equally engage in conversation (this includes listening). For the ladies reading this, please talk - always talk - especially if you are having problems with the relationship and to also avoid making bigger problems.


0. There are never exceptions to this list.

1. Open doors yourself. You can vote, you can open a door. We need those calories to burn at the gym.

2. In places of worship, let guys go first. God is referred to as "He" for a reason.

3. Women should tolerate the occassional action or horror movie WITHOUT complaining. If you can't take Saw or Die Hard like a champ, how do you expect anyone to love you?

4. Listen to some of your boyfriend's favorite tunes. Guys loving sharing music. They also have varied tastes, so you can expect stuff like:

"Dismembered" by Dismember

"Get Low" by Lil' Jon

"Big Balls" by AC/DC

5. Listen. Hearing girls chatter gets old some times. We need the occassional break from hearing about what Jen had the gall to say last night or what stylish $200 handbag you expect us to buy you. We want to talk, too.

6. Find out how we like our steaks and make it for us as a surprise sometimes, even if you're vegan or vegetarian. We'll be more likely to give you flowers if we get something back. Sex works too.

7. Call us and tell us you miss us when you're gone. We know you need us, we just would like to hear it now and then.

8. Reenact Axe commercials. If we're going to pay for that overpriced spray deoderant, then we expect you and your female friends to take your shirts off and rub against our six packs.

9. The best gift you can give is free of cost and on your back.

10. We'll leave you notes to say "hi", but only if you DON'T call us at work and tell us how your day has been. We're too busy making money to buy you overly expensive gifts to stop you from complaining about how Eric buys Sharon diamond necklaces but we never get you anything.

11. Ask us questions about ourselves, too.

12. Dress slutty every once in a while. There are enough low cut shirts and frilly bras out there that you can spare to buy and wear one now and then.

13. FIGHT CLUB. The book and the movie.

14. Tolerate our friends. If we're making too much noise, go for a walk. If we make a mess, clean it while we're at working making money to buy you the food you cook.

15. We'll learn to dance; dirty dance, that is. And you should learn to grind so it's not a waste of time.

16. Kiss on the you-know-what.

17. We'll stay with you when you're sick, don't worry. You have to clean up your own vomit if you don't make it to the toilet, though. You're probably the only one who knows where the cleaning supplies are.

18. Let us throw you into the pool around our friends. It's reeeeally funny. And I'm sure you learned to swim, if not, it's never too late to learn a new skill.

19. Holding hands takes a lot of effort. Let us take yours, don't take ours. If we're not holding your hand, we don't feel like it.

20. If you don't want us to look at your breasts, wear baggy clothing or get a breast reduction.

21. Laugh at our stupid jokes.

22. There's only one place we want you to tickle us, and you should do it now and then.

23. Let us call you hot and sexy in the bedroom.

24. If you can survive child birth, you can survive a chill. We get cold too. Don't punish us because you don't watch the weather channel before going outside.

25. Don't expect us to apologize in front of other people.

26. If you wake up and we're staring at your boobs rising and falling as you sleep, consider it a compliment.

27. When you feel your worst, stop complaining. And you'll know we think you look you're best when we're staring at your body (below the neck).

28. Don't hold out too long.

29. If we don't call, don't worry, it's probably for a good reason. Like a business emergency or an impromptu Halo 3 tournament with our friends.

30. Never check out other guys. Ever. Don't even talk about movie stars. You're ours.

31. Split the bill. We're not your bitches.

32. When we're unhappy, stop bugging as. Unless you're trying to cheer us up THAT way. *wink*

33. I drift right when I walk. You wouldn't want me to walk into the road, would you? I need a buffer. This is more personal, of course.

34. 'Fuck' is too versatile a word to stop using. Tolerate our cursing and we'll tolerate you talking about clothes.

35. Come to us sometimes. No one is loves scaredy cats!

36. If you can't carry stuff in a dark parking lot, don't carry stuff, and don't go out at night.

37. When we say "no" it's our final answer, too. As in, "No, if you want to buy clothes, do it yourself."

38. Be honest with us and give us a list of things you're going to do when you go out.

39. If I'm bored or busy, talk to me later.

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The original list there is written by a girl, clearly. For one, [normal] guys don't write lists about how to treat women because they are already out there doing it, or just not caring and being single.

Towards the end, the entire list screams "damsel in distress", paraphrased, the list basically says to offer to get hit by cars, never challenge a decision, oh, and, "Always do everything in your power to keep her as happy as you can". Seriously? Was this list originally titled, "The Ultimate Handbook o a One-Sided Relationship"? Contrary to the list, every girl I know hates overbearing, nice-guys who are always "thinking of her", they tend to think the guy has no life, or has a problem.

To sum up my response:

Whatever I'm doing is clearly working fine, and I'm an asshole.
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I stopped after a while, because half of it is unnecessary and the other half is just stupid. Getting THE girl is easy. It's all common sense. Getting A girl is even easier. In fact, it's alot like fishing. Cast your bait out there (something visual and mentally intriguing that will draw their attention). Once they begin nibbling you, tease their senses a little with the bait (perhaps deviating from the topic to something related that will expand on the conversation while still keeping her interested). Congradulations! You just broke the ice. Now you just have to keep it and take some small risks. She's taken the bait, so start reeling her in slowly (bring up something that interests you and may or may not interest her. If it doesn't, drop it; if it does, keep going). Now to stop reeling in and wait to she if she's still on the hook. Let her talk for a while and interject your thoughts (just don't get stupid and blow up her mental train). Reel in some more by expounding on what she's been talking about. Just don't use alot of "I"s or you'll sound too self-absorbed. Then, let up again. Repeat these steps as needed (just don't talk each others' heads off). Now it's time to reel her completely in. Get bold and do something surprising for her. You could foot her tab at the bar or bill for dinner (just don't make it obvious. Sure, women expect you to do it but if you make them think you aren't, they'll be surprised and delighted when you do). Now you've caught her, so must believe you've caught her and make her believe it too. If you're about to leave say, "You comin'?" or "How bout we hit the road?" real smooth and calm like as if you just asked her her name.

Do this all with grace, confidence, wit, and strength and you'll be smilin' by midnight.

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Being a "gentleman based on gender" (opening doors for women, paying the bill, getting up when women stand up, even if you're not going anywhere, etc but also things like "not hitting women") is all part of a set of archaic social mores based on the oppression of women. No hyperbole. For every thing that society expects men to do, there's something that society expects women to do. I should really draw up a table. Something like...


Pay for the bill -- Not have a job

Open doors -- be sexually submissive

Get flowers -- get pregnant

etc etc...

EDIT: There's nothing wrong with being polite to other people, of course, that's the basis of sane social interactions. But lists like that, that reinforce social expectations... well, they reinforce social expectations, and these people are forgetting that when you say "There are some things guys should always do for girls, period," you are also saying "there are some things girls should always do for guys, period." For every gentleman opening a door not because he wants to but because that's what's expected of him, there's a lady sucking dick not because she wants to but because that's what's expected of her.

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