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Accelerated Evolution

So becca left me.


Wind

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I kept this quiet for quite some time... and im not going into details, she was "Trixie" on AE prior to her leaving, and was the most wonderful, special, amazing, thoughtful girl I could ever ask for. We loved eachother like no other and spent all our time together without getting burnt out. She got DCF court ordered away for a year, I waited about 3-4 months of constant communication, which is when it started getting sketchy and awhile ago I found out she met someone there who also lives in CT (cries) so it doesn't look to good for me, and the girl I wrote most of the maze about (she beautifully wrote the title track actually, I edited a sheet of lyrics she sent me cutting segments and adding things and its my favorite song overall, we also have a beautiful song we made together in like an hour but by the sounds of it - it sounds like a full on effort of endless hours, the song just flowed like me and her. Liquid, Our love was fluid.

I don't know what she sees in this guy. I don't think I'll ever get that answer either. Its been devestating to me because either everynight she slept her, or I slept over her house.. her little brother dave became my little brother.. I still want him to be my little brother. I still want her to be my lover.

I promised her I'd stay and would never cheat on her when she was away, and I have not even after finding out she found someone new. Its time to move on I know, but thats a chapter of my life I cannot close. It's like a book you have to re-read and re-read, or that photo album of a perfect vacation or summer that you keep gently bound and open it every day or two to put a smile on your face.

Perhaps Im a sick fuck for not just ditching her out of my mind, but we spent far too much time together for me to do that, and for her to go away to rehabilitation mostly for post traumatic stress and for me to be loving her every minute and then finally boom she tells me she found someone new "but maybe when i get home it'll work out" face book page "engaged" to him. Doubtful but showing how strong their bond is. I know she doesn't want me to just absolutely shatter which is why she kept me a float with that statement but I've already shattered - I havent been the same for months, I don't know if I ever will be. something neuroligically is missing, something in my soul is missing, my other half is missing.

"it seems my bed is empty, it seems my friends are empty, it seems the trends are empty, huh, maybe i'm empty too... I call her my angel (oo oo oo oo) yeah I call her my angel (oo oo oo oo)." - Galexia *Empty*

I haven't written a new fucking song since it all happened, i was writing a song every few days she was my main inspiration guys... I have nothing left.

at all.

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havent been able to finish a complete song since I found out, its been months... and months,,,

"Living well is the best revenge."

You've got a pretty good thing going on with your songwriting. A lot of people would kill to be where you are, publishing an album and all that. My advice is to just force yourself to start writing some shit, even if it sucks. As long as it's sounds in a vague order. It'll come together.

Breakups are always fucking hard. It'll get better with time. I know it feels like it won't, but it will. Distract yourself and don't think about her, is my advice. Try to be busy, because if you're idle you'll start thinking about her and get depressed. It really doesn't matter what you're doing.

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Our love was fluid.

That sounds amazingly unique. I am sad to hear that you lost what you had.

I don't know what she sees in this guy. I don't think I'll ever get that answer either. Its been devestating to me because either every night she slept here, or I slept over her house.. her little brother dave became my little brother.. I still want him to be my little brother. I still want her to be my lover.

It's best not to dwell on these thoughts. They're good "what ifs" that will likely never be. Perhaps, with time, you and Dave can be friends, but it sounds like your girl is lost to this other guy for no good reason.

I promised her I'd stay and would never cheat on her when she was away, and I have not even after finding out she found someone new. Its time to move on I know, but thats a chapter of my life I cannot close. It's like a book you have to re-read and re-read, or that photo album of a perfect vacation or summer that you keep gently bound and open it every day or two to put a smile on your face.

Perhaps Im a sick fuck for not just ditching her out of my mind, but we spent far too much time together for me to do that,

You guys shared a strong bond and you just broke up. You didn't do anything wrong, and really, you lack closure. A clean break with someone is impossible for most people, and this is easily one of the messier breaks I've seen.

I havent been the same for months, I don't know if I ever will be. something neuroligically is missing, something in my soul is missing, my other half is missing.

Of course you're devastated. The best thing you can do is move on. It's hard to be distracted from your primary distraction. You've had your right arm and heart ripped out and hurled onto the highway. The kind of pain you're in doesn't go away quickly or easily.

But it will go away. You will find someone new. Remember how incredible she was; that's the caliber of woman attracted to you. This means you will find someone as good as, if not better than, her. I know you find little solace in this, but I hope you find comfort somehow, soon.

I haven't written a new fucking song since it all happened, I was writing a song every few days she was my main inspiration guys... I have nothing left.

How about practice the songs you've already written? It will help you remember the good times, and hopefully help forget about the bad. Maybe write a song about your breakup. That's what Beck did, he composed an entire album about it, and he turned out okay.

Another option is to play covers of your favorite songs. Sometimes just playing music you like, even if you didn't write it, can be cathartic.

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its hard waiting for someone. i'm really sorry this happened to you, ken.

my only real guess on the situation is that she didn't really see anything in the other person, just that they happened to be there. i wouldn't be surprised if she came to realize this. just remember that you were the one that stayed strong in trying times.

the future tends to be more kind than the past.

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Do not worry young man. At the end of the tunnel you will see a new light. She might have been everything to you, but you might not have been everything to her. It's probably the most cruelest form of reality. At one time I almost proposed to someone & she decided that she didn't want to settle down & pretty much moved along. I probably kinda felt what you felt. Almost like a feeling of being betrayed, but in the end I figured that it was her fucking loss. You know what's funny? She has hit me back up recently, but at this point in my life, I don't give a fucking fuck about who she is, what she is doing, or anything else that pertains to her. She is completely out of my system & I don't want anything to have to do with her.

It's going to take a while to get over it, but you will. Before you realize it, someone else will take her place. You're a handsome young man. I'm pretty sure that you get hit on quite often. Just remember this: there's more to life than physical attraction. If you're only looking at the physical part, forget about it. Yeah. It's good & all that shit, but in the end, we all get old & that physical beauty & attraction goes away. However, a new beauty & attraction far more powerful comes in. You'll understand when you get older, but like I said, don't let her bog you down. Keep yourself busy & try not to think about it too much. I know that it's easier said than done, but try to do it. A road trip would do you wonders. Hanging out with friends would do you good too. You have your whole life ahead of you. Lots of girls will come & go, but one day you will eventually find a certain girl that will stay with you no matter what & when you do find her, you'll know. (^o^ ) <3

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bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. I don't know dude I've kind of had a feeling this would happen for a long time I think you should have been contemplating the possibility. I could only imagine how damaging it would be to a relationship to have one person go off to rehab. Also I don't think you should beat yourself up about it as much as you are, you gotta be the regulator, man! If she didn't formally let you know whats going on in her love life then she clearly did not have you in mind as much as you had her in mind, and to me that just means you're the bigger person of the two and shouldn't dwell on what was as hard as it may be not to.

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bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks. I don't know dude I've kind of had a feeling this would happen for a long time I think you should have been contemplating the possibility. I could only imagine how damaging it would be to a relationship to have one person go off to rehab. Also I don't think you should beat yourself up about it as much as you are, you gotta be the regulator, man! If she didn't formally let you know whats going on in her love life then she clearly did not have you in mind as much as you had her in mind, and to me that just means you're the bigger person of the two and shouldn't dwell on what was as hard as it may be not to.

I think in her mind it was more of a "he'll never find out then i'll come home eventually thing" but I did find out. heh.

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such I wreck now im put back on anxiety medicene but in XR format. Xanax XR1mg twice a day (Feels like 1mg of xanax constantly for ten hours, but lasts 24 hours) so I wait 6 or 7 hours and take another so I wont ever feel withdrawal symptoms, after a month or two of this treatment and talking to him about the relationship problem and everything else he designed me a 2-3week taper where every 2-3weeks we reduce the dosage a super small amount so I don't withdrawal or seizure until its absolutely nothing.

Its doing wonders for my mood control, and positive outlook on this whole situation rather than wanting to put a bullet in my head.

Thanks xanax XR, your the best! regular xanax wears off in 2 hours and you immediately feel it leave your system and start to feel anxiety again, this doesn't. I'm happy me and my doctor chose this was the best route and its un-abuseable so the safety of it makes me very comfortable taking it.

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