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Accelerated Evolution

I still don't understand


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As the title suggests, something happened earlier today that I still don't understand.

About an hour ago me and my girlfriend of nearly two years broke up for, what I take it as, no reason. It all started at the beginning of the month. She came over to my house as she often did on Thursdays to come chill for a bit before I had class. I was at my computer and she was waiting for me to finish something up for class and she seemed weird. Something was off and I could tell in her voice when she called me before she came. She layed on my bed and told me she had something to tell me. I thought it was just a normal thing so I turned around in my chair and asked her what was up. She said it was ok for me to finish before she told me, but when I asked her if she was ok she started bawling her eyes out. I got into bed with her and asked her what was wrong and she told me that she thought we needed to take a break.

We had a really good relationship. I've been a fucking exemplary boyfriend and didn't really understand what the hell was going on. She told me she felt like God was telling her he had different plans for her. Now, before anyone starts rolling their eyes or anything like that, it's important to know for this story that both of us come from Christian backgrounds and so I tried to understand and gave her explanation some credibility. We talked for about three hours about all kinds of things she never bothered to let me know.

The next day she called me and we talked for a bit about more of the same. She told me however that there was someone in her class that she had developed feelings for. For this to make sense, I must inform you that I am about to graduate with my Associate's degree and transfer to a four year school and she's graduating high school in a couple months. However, I live and go to school within a half hour of where she lives and we are only 6 months apart in age. So when she told me she started hanging out with these two brothers, in the back of my mind I thought about it but let it go and turns out it was one of them. So it pissed me off that she wasn't upfront about that and waited to tell me after the initial conversation.

The break wasn't much of a break because since we barely had time to see each other and talk to each other regardless, things carried on the same after about a week of limited interaction. But she seemed distant. I asked her if she would do me a favor during the break which was to be fair by staying away from the new dude she liked. She agreed and we went on. When I talked to her she told me she was always praying but she couldn't tell me anything because she hadn't had time to process all her thoughts, which was fine. The point was that she needed space, right?

So another important tidbit is that in our relationship, if there was ever a fight it seemed to be something she did, but it was never that big a deal and I always stressed communication and told her every time that if there was anything she ever wanted to say or tell me to do it and not be afraid. Well every time she said yes, but she never did. A later conversation would reveal that a lot of the things that bothered her about me had been snowballing because she kept telling herself it wasn't a big enough of a deal to bring up, but then this happened.

Fast forward to tonight. I thought everything was going better cause we had hung out a few times over the past few weeks and had some really good conversations and I was really trying to change the things she brought up and I did. I thought things were going better because she hadn't mentioned the break in a while. So tonight I asked her if she had thought about anything. When she got quiet at first I knew it was all downhill from there and only then did I realize that things hadn't gotten better, she was just trying to distract herself from her thoughts cause she didn't like them. That thought was "I can't do this anymore".

I found out that she didn't do what I asked because initially she said that guy didn't know she liked him and now he did. I told her in a nice way, that I was appalled that instead of putting a little work into a good relationship with a good track record that had lasted nearly two years, that she would throw it all away because she likes some guy from her high school. But it was the fact that she had feelings for someone else that made her feel like God told her she was supposed to be doing something else.

I just feel very wronged because I wasn't given a fair chance. She waited for everything to snowball and then she throws it away for some high school kid? I don't get it. She claims she loves me and all this stuff but I'm just not feeling it. I did so much for her, I counseled her through so much and just helped her out in so many ways and she did a lot for me too, but what I did definitely outweighed hers. It's not a competition at all, but when you consider everything it doesn't add up. I'm not one of those people who gets filled with self doubt and thinks they're a piece of shit. I was a damn good boyfriend and I like to think I'm a good person. Most of the people I know give me a lot of credit. I'm not trying to say that I'm perfect. I'm not, no one is. I am saying I have a lot to work on and figure out. I am also saying I feel like she could have handled this whole situation better and that I deserved to have this happen differently and to be given a chance instead of what I was given; Which in the end was false hope. I told her that I'd come see her graduate in a few months but that after that I couldn't say when I'd see her again. She's coming tomorrow so we can give each other our stuff back but I'm so upset at how this whole thing unfolded, I don't know that I want to talk to her after this whole thing is done. I don't know. I mean I still love her and respect her. She's very pretty, was very caring and loving but I guess it's normal to feel differently when this kind of shit happens so I don't know anymore. I'm not saying it was all her fault. I don't blame her for everything, but I blame her for some of it.

It wasn't long ago that we talked about the future and things provided things went as swimmingly as they did. So much for that I guess. It just kind of fucked me up because I had never been so sure of anything before and then to find that it wasn't was kind of earth shattering so it's put me in a position where I feel like I need to reevaluate my life and see what else I thought was certain that might not be. I also feel like I need to get out more or something I don't know.

Just wanted to unload. Thanks for reading if you made it all the way through.

P.S. My birthday is in a week so, she picked a fantastic time to do this as well.

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Yup, she probably was. This is also one of the things that happened to me and was the trigger to shun the church after the third girl in a row followed her loins and said god led her there only to break up with that person in a month.

I'm sorry man, that sucks a lot. Fucking devistated me. And the worst part is young girls will do this over and over. When it comes down to it, I'm glad I waited till 26 to get serious with anyone. Those extra years of maturity help a lot.

Hope the best for ya man.

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And the worst part is young girls will do this over and over. When it comes down to it, I'm glad I waited till 26 to get serious with anyone. Those extra years of maturity help a lot.

QFT. I don't agree with shunning the church, but I disagree with young girls using that as an excuse to get what they want. Before I broke up with my ex-gf, I said "I want to have sex" and she said "Isn't that against your religion?" Technically, it was, but that was beside the point. Girls that say "I'm not sure if God wants me to do this," are just stupid indecisive little cunts who are using God as a shield for their own feelings. It has nothing to do with God or religion, it has to do with the fact that those stupid girls can't make up their own damn minds, so they have to blame shift to someone/something.

Maturity doesn't help some girls, but the vast majority of younger girls that I've been interested in have said "I'm just looking for friends" and then hook up with some other dipshit a couple weeks later.

Young girls = drama = not worth it. Of course, when you yourself are young, you don't have much choice, but still, you're better off avoiding that sort of bullshit. I'm sorry it had to happen, but at the very least, it's a learning experience.

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Yeah, like I said that was my trigger. Just to clarify, it wasn't the entirety of my reasoning, (or really any of it, it was just the trigger that got me into questioning things which eventually led to my path) and really I didn't intend at all for that to be a motivator for him either. Just recounting my personal experience. =)

/derail? ;)

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Yeah, like I said that was my trigger. Just to clarify, it wasn't the entirety of my reasoning, (or really any of it, it was just the trigger that got me into questioning things which eventually led to my path) and really I didn't intend at all for that to be a motivator for him either. Just recounting my personal experience. =)

/derail? ;)

I'm not about to talk religion to you, man.

1) That's what SD&D is for

2) I'm pretty sure we've ridden that discussion into the ground via AIM anyway, lol

3) I'm beyond telling people how or what to believe, but I still feel the need to voice my disagreement ;)

I don't think you're trying to influence anyone; Masterplan is more than capable of making his own decisions. Don't worry, I'm not going to go bible-thumper in this thread, I'm not out to save anyone's soul, lol.

I felt your comment about a girl doing that to you was a good springboard into our common experience.

//derail, lol

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I don't really care either way. After thinking about it I'd have to agree as I made the point myself to her before I posted this thread. I told her that it was crap because only you can change your own feelings. If anyone is to know anything it's that everyone has free will God or no God and she exercised hers. She's coming by in two hours to get a box of all the things she's given me.

I always knew there was a wide gap in maturity and one of the things she told me about me was that she felt like I talked down to her sometimes. In retrospect I can understand that, but it was because of her niavety that I feel like I had to talk in a certain way to explain things sometimes. I overlooked it because it didn't feel like it really impeded anything. I do feel like I'm more mature than most people my age and I've been told so numerous times by superiors, bosses, professors, etc.

As for those who said I was being played this whole month I can give credit to that as well. I wanted to say that it wasn't likely because she lived a very sheltered life that was very problematic and after she met me I started to bring her further outside and she was grateful for it. However, if she did then what can I do? In the end that same immaturity that I overlooked is going to become a big problem and I'm not going to be there to help if she finds out that everything was a mistake and that I was, for the most part, right. I also can't say that given all the shit I've been through this past month that I care either way. If that's how she wants to live then what do you do? Nothing, it's none of my business anymore.

And it was said that I don't really have a choice given my age and I believe that. I will be 19 next week and the reason I was so attracted to her was because she was very different from everyone else. She was immature, but she did have culture that I don't really see anywhere. And unfortunately I'm in college and will continue to be for another two years or so and I really don't feel like any other girl I've met in college or at the moment being in college had that same sense of culture or were really all that mature. I do feel, however, that people need to be with each other [even though I'm an incorrigible misanthrope for the most part] and relationships are a big part of that but, and I'm sure it happens alot in these situations, I don't know that even when I'm ready that I'll be prepared to but as much effort and time into it as I have with this one.

Not really sure anymore.

I will say, however, that I believe everything happens exactly the way it happens for a reason. I don't know what that reason is right now, but I'm sure it will be revealed in time. As for now I just need to prepare my last words for when she comes this afternoon and just start doing anything I can to get over it. I'm taking it better than I thought I would but I think it's because she caused me to be desensitized over the last month and I'm just drained any way you can think of so I've become strangely indifferent.

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I fully agree that people need to be together. At your age though it's better if it's not committed. That age just isn't ready anymore in this society. 18 went from being a man, to still being in school a while ago, and now it's just indoctrinated more and more as college becomes less of an institution and more of a place people go to party.

Find relationships, be happy, be in love, just don't commit to anything. ;) Cept god if you want.

2cents. *ting*

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That's something I neglected to mention. I don't know why, but I kind of want that commitment. I really enjoyed the early months of our relationship the most because it was nice to know just by what someone did how much they cared for you which was something that I previously was unfamiliar with. I know you can be happy without ties, but for me I feel like it should be a condition. I don't know why, I just do. I like exclusiveness because I feel like it makes the whole experience more enriching to know that, at least for a time, you are/were the best thing for however long. I don't know.

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That's something I neglected to mention. I don't know why, but I kind of want that commitment.

I understand completely. I've only been in one relationship, and that didn't happen until I was 23 (and ended at about 25), but it was nice to have that exclusivity. To know that the person will be there, and simultaneously, to know you're always wanted. It's a great feeling, and to have it stripped away as what happened to you is just...shit.

Anyhow, you'll figure it out. You're cut up about it, as you should be (or you're not human), but you'll find someone else. You're only 19, man. I'm 26 and single and looking. I'm not happy about being single, but I am happy not being tied down. It works both ways, and you'll find a happy medium, I'm sure.

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I always knew there was a wide gap in maturity and one of the things she told me about me was that she felt like I talked down to her sometimes. In retrospect I can understand that, but it was because of her niavety that I feel like I had to talk in a certain way to explain things sometimes.

This is the nicest way that I've ever seen someone be labeled stupid. You'll do well in the longrun me thinks.

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I do not think that she was cheating on you at all.

I've been in that situation, almost exactly. It sucks when someone starts to drift away, but it's not something that can be helped. As much as it hurts, you need to realize that you can't always rely on a relationship. It's not something that anyone wants to face, so you don't think about it or acknowledge it, and you might have overlooked a problem.

When I went through something like this, it was shitty because it's hard to believe that someone you were so into can just walk away, even after you beg them and try to fix things. Usually when they say "break," it means that they already have their mind set but they can't just rip the bandaid off and hurt you. It's a way to ease into things, and the shitty thing is that it gives the other person hope. It leaves them believing that it really will work out, and that time apart will heal it. But really all it does is re-affirm to the person who wanted the break, why they wanted it in the first place.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. It's not easy. It is fucking shitty. It's hard to imagine the person you've been with for so long with someone else.

You really have to watch yourself though. It's hard to not try and go back to them and be in their life, and if you come on too strong, and try to patch things up, you'll make her mad and push her away.

I don't have much advice. Try and take it one day at a time, and know that you'll heal, eventually. And remember that she is hurting, too. It's easy to get angry and to let your anger get out of hand. But try and hold back, and try and do things that make you happy, and spend time with your friends more. And don't forget to talk it through. You'll never get anywhere by holding it in.

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I do not think that she was cheating on you at all.

I've been in that situation, almost exactly. It sucks when someone starts to drift away, but it's not something that can be helped. As much as it hurts, you need to realize that you can't always rely on a relationship. It's not something that anyone wants to face, so you don't think about it or acknowledge it, and you might have overlooked a problem.

When I went through something like this, it was shitty because it's hard to believe that someone you were so into can just walk away, even after you beg them and try to fix things. Usually when they say "break," it means that they already have their mind set but they can't just rip the bandaid off and hurt you. It's a way to ease into things, and the shitty thing is that it gives the other person hope. It leaves them believing that it really will work out, and that time apart will heal it. But really all it does is re-affirm to the person who wanted the break, why they wanted it in the first place.

I'm really sorry that you have to go through this. It's not easy. It is fucking shitty. It's hard to imagine the person you've been with for so long with someone else.

You really have to watch yourself though. It's hard to not try and go back to them and be in their life, and if you come on too strong, and try to patch things up, you'll make her mad and push her away.

I don't have much advice. Try and take it one day at a time, and know that you'll heal, eventually. And remember that she is hurting, too. It's easy to get angry and to let your anger get out of hand. But try and hold back, and try and do things that make you happy, and spend time with your friends more. And don't forget to talk it through. You'll never get anywhere by holding it in.

I think you pretty much gave the best advice already.

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Nobody moves on that fast unless they had moved on while still in the original relationship.

Of course she began to move on emotionally, but I don't believe that that qualifies as cheating. If we all had to end our relationships the instant we felt a flicker of attraction or whatever for another person, we'd all be single.

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Of course she began to move on emotionally, but I don't believe that that qualifies as cheating. If we all had to end our relationships the instant we felt a flicker of attraction or whatever for another person, we'd all be single.

I realize that, but usually when someone just goes from one relationship to another without a break in between it means the new one use to be a secret.

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Not in my book. Seeing means you're interested in a person and hanging out with them. Which can be entirely unconscious. Cheating is when it becomes intentional.

But whatever I'm tired.

When people say I'm "seeing someone" they're not telling you that they are unconsciously interested in a person whom they have been hanging out with, they're telling you they are dating.

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