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my dad


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so i think a lot of you know that my mom and dad have been trying to divorce for like..2.5 years

i've finally come to terms that i'm gonna have to become estranged from my dad.

here's why. he took an ambien and drove into a stone wall w/ me in the car. my brother was home to drive me home and offered.

i wrote him a letter. like, actually put it thru the mail, not an email.

All this is from my LJ, which i know a lot of you can't see because it's friends only

Dad,

It is very unfortunate that I feel the need to write this letter. I do not think that you understand that sometimes I do not feel comfortable and now, no longer safe when I am with you. I have been meaning to say some things for a long time, but it is hard, because you are my father.

I moved out of 450 over two and a half years ago because I was unhappy and saw my life going nowhere. My mother felt the same way. But, since then, my life has still been unhappy. I do not understand some things that you do. I do not understand how you can endanger my life like you did last night. I do not know if you remember, but I specifically asked you before you took me home “Are you okay to drive?” because you were sleepy. Christian responded with “I’ll take her home.” We could tell something was wrong, but you let your pride get in the way like you have constantly these past two and a half years.

I do not understand what you want from me and mom. Even if you do not like her, you are affecting and hurting me. Anything you do to affect her life, affects my life. And no, I will not move back up to the other house to ‘solve’ this problem. It has become more and more apparent to me that I do not think of 450 Seneca Drive as my home anymore. I don’t think I ever will. It has changed. There are boxes and trash everywhere, it has become hideous. The only reason I want to go there is to see my dogs and to perhaps catch Christian when he comes home from golfing. You have destroyed my childhood home. You have destroyed a part of me, and I will never get it back.

I am lucky to have had my seat belt on last night. If I hadn’t, I would not be surprised if I had a concussion. If the Wells’ did not have that stone wall, you would have driven into the house across 119. If you hadn’t taken that fucking sleeping pill when you were not planning to sleep but to drive, you would not have run into their yard like a drunken mess. The minute you turned the corner on our driveway I could tell it was not the brakes. It was not a flat tire. You almost drove into that ravine but I was too shocked to say anything. Your aloofness afterwards didn’t help either. It took you a minute to ask me if I was alright. The first thing you said was, “flat tire!” Shouldn’t a parent always ask their child, no matter their age or how minor the accident was, ask their child if they are okay? I was in shock for well over an hour from the accident and your behavior.

I gave some serious thought last night to calling the police about your little DUI. You damaged property, you could have killed me, and you could have killed someone else on the road. But, I figured that if you landed in jail or even god forbid, just had your license revoked, I would never hear the end of it. No one on your side of the family would want speak to me again because I filed it and not some stranger. I know Christian would not think too highly of me, either. I do not want to ruin relationships just to teach you a lesson. But—YOU NEED ONE. Someone needs to wake you up. I do not know if it is possible.

I don’t know when I will want to see you again. You will have to prove to me somehow that you won’t do this bullshit anymore. I can’t take it. I couldn’t take it before this happened, but wrecking the car while I was in it was the last and final straw. I don’t want to become estranged from you, but if that is what it has to come to, “que será, será.”

Legend

450: What I call the house he currently lives in

Christian: My brother

more shit happened today

THE SAGA CONTINUES!!!!!!!

I'm not on the road to North Carolina ATM.

Guess why?

My dad.

The sticker on my mom's license is out of date. She learned of this yesterday when a policewoman stopped us at Penn @ Wash (downtown Charleston), and my mom was told to get it fixed my July 30th. Okay, she can do that. We get to Mahan (basically, out of in the middle of nowhere) and are stopped by a state policeman. We're going 'Oh shit, not again.' She shows her stuff and blah blah he goes and runs her license...IT'S SUSPENDED.

The policeman shouts over his speaker 'Teresa, step out of the car and come over to the passenger side.' I'm freaking out, because this kind of stuff is what they do when they arrest someone. I'm sure he would have if I had not been with her. He was just plain mean. I could see my mom in the mirror and risked going over to see what was up and tried to help her, since she has panic problems just like I do and of course, is under a TREMENDOUS amount of stress even without having to deal with this. She tells me to go back 'cause like, I could get killed, of course.

Anyways, why was her license suspended? Because she forgot to pay the magistrate $50 to renew her license after it was un-suspended. Big deal...right? She can do that. BUT, if she goes out of state with an out of date sticker on her license plate, the car can be impounded. Of course, we don't want that. But she has no way to pay the taxes because it is in both hers and my dad's name. She does not have the documents, and I doubt my dad knows where they even are. The house is a mess and he still hasn't paid my medical bills. I can't believe him. I love him, yes, but my God, I cannot believe he can be so cruel.

With my aunt in Houston and the moment, she had to call her father, who's about to turn 75 and brother to come down and drive her back to Charleston because the policeman would not let her leave until someone promised to come and pick her up. So...we're sitting by the guard rails on the turnpike (for those not in WV, that part of I-77 is VERY dangerous), getting pushed and swayed by semi's and just trying to calm down.

They arrive and we get back safely, etc., etc. I break down like usual as does my mom. Normal day when my dad ruins shit for us. Right now she's at the court house trying to get things settled and hopefully my dad has the sticker so we can still go down to Pinehurst. Right now I don't know if I still want to go, but I'm sure once I get down there (if I do), I will.

We went to Virginia street to check on my dad's car. He also has an out of date sticker, which means...so does my brother! NOT good when he's out of state.

Oh well. Things will get better...then worse...then better again.

Maybe some vodka will help.

i'm just so torn up. this is literally killing my mom. she was in the hospital last month b/c of so much stress that her heart couldn't take it.

help me u guys...seriously, i don't know what to do anymore.

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I'm sorry this is happening to you, really your dad just needs to get his shit straight. He seems to be causing you and your mother a lot of grief and hopefully he sees this and at least attempts to fix it in someway.

The letter is a good idea, did he get back to you yet about it or did you recently send him it?

I hope things work out for you and him in the future, oh and don't drink when you feel shitty. ;(

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Letters are always an effective means of communication. I feel that this is a perfect example of a child being caught between the parents. I think it would be wise to cut him out of your life. Yes, he is you dad, and you love him, but you do not need this bullshit. I don't know what the deal is with the divorce and what's stopping it from happening, but I think once that is settled, it will be a lot easier for your mom and you to live your lives, independently from him. I guess all that I can offer is words of comfort, but of course it doesn't help. Just try and be strong because this too shall pass.

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Letters are always an effective means of communication. I feel that this is a perfect example of a child being caught between the parents. I think it would be wise to cut him out of your life. Yes, he is you dad, and you love him, but you do not need this bullshit. I don't know what the deal is with the divorce and what's stopping it from happening, but I think once that is settled, it will be a lot easier for your mom and you to live your lives, independently from him. I guess all that I can offer is words of comfort, but of course it doesn't help. Just try and be strong because this too shall pass.

You know my father did this and he regrets not speaking to his parents for 3 years, I disagree with totally cutting him out of her life.

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Nothing good ever comes out of ignoring a problem.

maybe he is depressed and is worried about losing contact with you, and that makes him not think straight. I am sure the last thing he would want to do is legitimately hurt your family. But i dont know you well or your family jenna but i do know that nothing good comes out of ignoring. Be it today or 5 years down the road, it will come back to bite you in the ass.

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I guess I'm supporting eliminating contact because it's worked for me. My life has been so much better since I pushed my mom away. The only reason I have to see her or speak to her now is so that I can see my dad. If my parents were divorced, I would never speak to my mom again. I can see how it isn't the best solution though.

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get off the pills, thats what I say.

It sounds like he abuses his medication, I bet that will change him ten fold if he finds help for that.

I am a living example.

it was never my intention to hurt my family, my friends, my girlfriend and her family, but I did without realizing it was bad.

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Sorry it took so long to reply back, but I went ahead and went down to NC so I didn't have internet.

The letter is a good idea, did he get back to you yet about it or did you recently send him it?

I sent it like a 2 weeks ago. He did get back to me after I told him that he needed to pay my medical bills so I know he got it. My brother also has acted like he knows my dad has gotten it. He did not write me back if that is what you mean.

Letters are always an effective means of communication. I feel that this is a perfect example of a child being caught between the parents. I think it would be wise to cut him out of your life. Yes, he is you dad, and you love him, but you do not need this bullshit. I don't know what the deal is with the divorce and what's stopping it from happening, but I think once that is settled, it will be a lot easier for your mom and you to live your lives, independently from him. I guess all that I can offer is words of comfort, but of course it doesn't help. Just try and be strong because this too shall pass.

To be honest, I believe it is his lawyer. That man has no right to be called human in more ways than one. Both of my parents know him and have since they were my age. He's uh...had I don't know how many divorces and my mom KNOWS he has cheated on his wives/girlfriends or whatever. He has no compassion whatsoever and I know this because I have talked to him myself. I honestly believe that he is talking or taking advantage of my dad into doing whatever is 'best' because all he wants is to win this case.

You know my father did this and he regrets not speaking to his parents for 3 years, I disagree with totally cutting him out of her life.

I am semi-cutting him off. I still need communication because of my insurance and I really want to know about my dogs (one of them tends to run off a lot and I'm constantly afraid he'll get hit), who live at that house because it has the yardage to for 100+ lb dogs.

I love my dad and have been thinking for two years if I should do this, so it's not like I've just up and decided to do it. This is not something I would take lightly. Before I did any of this I consulted my mom as well, because I do not want to just say 'oh hey, btw I'm not going to speak to you ever again' and then have him drop dead or something.

maybe he is depressed and is worried about losing contact with you, and that makes him not think straight. I am sure the last thing he would want to do is legitimately hurt your family. But i dont know you well or your family jenna but i do know that nothing good comes out of ignoring. Be it today or 5 years down the road, it will come back to bite you in the ass.

He is depressed, but he refuses to get the right kind of help. I know he's getting treatment for depression, but he's bi-polar. I have it, my mother has it, all of my aunts and uncle have it, so I know the signs...but his pride will not let him get treated for something like that. On top of that, something that I really hate that's happened to him, his mother has just developed Alzheimer's or something similar (I'm not sure if it's dementia or Alz's) and lives 2.5 hrs away so he can't really help her as much as he wants so I know that it's taking a toll on him. I think she's like 80...so it could really be any time...and it pains me to think about it.

get off the pills, thats what I say.

It sounds like he abuses his medication, I bet that will change him ten fold if he finds help for that.

I am a living example.

it was never my intention to hurt my family, my friends, my girlfriend and her family, but I did without realizing it was bad.

I'm glad you replied here, Ken. This is EXACTLY why I wrote him this letter. I do NOT want to completely cut him out, I just want him to WAKE UP! I'm hoping that he is...but I really can't tell. I don't want to bother my brother (who lives with him when school's out) because my brother is in a similar situation...today he told my mom that he sees her more than he does my dad...whom he lives with. We don't see my brother even once a week. It's that bad/sad.

I am thinking about writing him again because during a panic attack after the polic situation I did text him, and I really, really regret this, 'I hate you!' and he texted back something like 'I never asked you to love me'

I'm going to have to stop here, because I'm crying.

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