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Accelerated Evolution

People that are almost too much like you


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Hey everybody,

Pretty much what the topic says. I broke up with my ex a few months ago and felt pretty shitty as some of you know, but being single all summer and giving me a chance to distance myself from all that nonsense gave me a better perspective on what I had and how much I didn't want that again. So recently I was chit-chatting with a girl who I kind of knew years ago. Like yearsago. Before I knew it all at once we exchanged numbers and went out on the same night [tonight actually]. Nothing fancy, just got some coffee and talked for a bit. During our conversation I couldn't help but feel like I was looking into a mirror. A lot of her mannerisms and dynamics of her personality I found eerily similar to mine. It took me a bit off guard, but I kind of liked it. I'm not saying I plan to go full fledged and start dating her and all this stuff, but it made me think: If someone is that much like you is it a bad idea to get too involved?

I'm just using this experience as reference - I don't know how far it's gonna go I just thought it would be an interesting topic for discussion.

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Seems like a personal preference thing. I've heard the whole, "she's too much like me, or not enough like me" things before. And in the end they tend to not really matter. Can you hold a good conversation, do you want to stab yourself eternally in the eye with the blunt edge of a tiling trowel every time she speaks? These are the important questions. Most of the time people have enough similarities and differences once you get beneath the surface.

On a surface level my girlfriend and I are incredibly similar, we share the same humour and personal beliefs, we treat family the same way, etc... And then there's the other stuff that seperates us a bit, like she's into fashion I could care less, she loves travel and food, I like videogames and ... crappy food.

I dunno, most of the time it always seems that everyone has aspects that will be similar and dissimilar. I say give it a go, it can't hurt.

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Yeah, I agree, it totally depends on the person. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. It depends what parts of you are similar. If you notice that you both have the same bad habits or tendencies, usually that doesn't work too well together. I dated someone who was a lot like me, and it was a disaster. Then I dated someone who was a lot like me in different ways than the last, and that seemed to work out.

A lot of the time you don't really get to choose though. Sometimes you can't help but like someone who may not be a good match, even if you have tons in common.

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Yeah, I agree, it totally depends on the person. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. It depends what parts of you are similar. If you notice that you both have the same bad habits or tendencies, usually that doesn't work too well together. I dated someone who was a lot like me, and it was a disaster. Then I dated someone who was a lot like me in different ways than the last, and that seemed to work out.

A lot of the time you don't really get to choose though. Sometimes you can't help but like someone who may not be a good match, even if you have tons in common.

i've had this happen to me a few times. Everytime though, i get blown off (right in front of my face usually) for a friend/s of mine with more sex appeal/charm. It seems like no matter how much there is in common i just suck way more than everyone else on the planet.

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Interesting points all. I don't know, I want to feel it out and see what happens first. She seems really nice and I had a good conversation with her last night [made me an hour late to class even] and I felt like we really connected but there's a few things I was thinking about:

We used to kind of know each other years ago. Talking maybe 8 or 9. Main factor in my mind is the age difference. She is 24 and I'm 19. Five years isn't a big deal if you're a bit older, but when you're my age there's typically an issue. Even then I didn't know her too well. Then I just started talking to her and everything just came about pretty quick. We met up for coffee and without hesitation after it was over she asked "when we could do this again". Then I met with her yesterday between classes and we hung out for a good 4 or 5 hours and it was fun and we got pretty deep conversation-wise. On top of that we're probably gonna hang out again later this week. Everyone I know is telling me that I'm getting hit over the head, but I'm still not sure if she's interested or if she's just being really friendly. She did mention in passing she has a "flirty" personality and I don't want to take kindness as suggestion because that never looks good in the end. At the same time if there is some interest there I don't want it to be lost before I have time to see how I'm feeling. Thoughts?

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If she's mentioned that she's flirty, take that as a warning. She might not have meant it to say that she leads guys on sometimes, but when a girl says that, it usually means she's giving you warning. I think you should pursue her as a friend, try not to get your head wrapped up in the possibility of romance. It's better to play it safe than end up getting stung by rejection. If something happens, then great. If not, you were prepared.

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Sorry if I'm late, I honestly don't know if you will listen to my advice but its ok to have some similarities..but at the same time its good to have as many differences..like my wife..which I've known since 2000 have a vast difference in stuff like she isn't a fan of games and gaming..I'm not a fan of artsy stuff and the mechanics and mediums that are used in them(to name a few)...but we both love comic books and certain movies and certain foods... but in the long run it helps the other party out because these differences because well you may learn something that is interesting that you never knew before... but in general LOVE conquers all and it shouldn't matter.

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Sorry if I'm late, I honestly don't know if you will listen to my advice but its ok to have some similarities..but at the same time its good to have as many differences..like my wife..which I've known since 2000 have a vast difference in stuff like she isn't a fan of games and gaming..I'm not a fan of artsy stuff and the mechanics and mediums that are used in them(to name a few)...but we both love comic books and certain movies and certain foods... but in the long run it helps the other party out because these differences because well you may learn something that is interesting that you never knew before... but in general LOVE conquers all and it shouldn't matter.

No, you're not too late and that was quite the handsome response. We've been out like 4 times in the week I've known her and we're supposed to go to Princeton and make a day of it at which time I'll see what we're actually doing and potentially make an ass of myself, but there's only one way about it.

Thanks for the input everyone. I'm going to feel this one out a little more and see what it's all about. I'll report back later.

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Just got in from seeing her again. Waited till the end of the night to ask and unfortunately it was a no go, but because of the way I went about it I don't think it was awkward or anything and she didn't seem to care either. What's weird is I don't feel bad at all. A little "off" but not like "fail" or anything. She's still a pretty cool chick though so I hope it just kind of goes behind us and we can hang out without any of that hanging in the air.

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