Jump to content
Accelerated Evolution

Shitty Friends AND You!


Recommended Posts

We all have them: a shitty friend that will 'sperg over the little things such as The Last Airbender movie or how Avatar is the superior movie of all time. Or going on about how they know everything and start to spout out some of the dumbest shit you've ever heard, but you don't have the heart to tell them to shut up and go read on the subject. (Wow, what a run on sentence.) Here is my short list of fucking idiots as friends.

Friend number one.

For some reason, she has no idea how a conversation work. Most of us that actually engage in this activity outside the internet knows it involves two or more people interacting and exchanging ideas, information, etc. through the means of talking. However, this is the "normal" conversation between her and I:

Me: Hey, how are you?

Her: ItwasagooddayatworkandthemanagerthatlikestoeathamburgersfromarestauranttoldmeIhadtoworkextrahardtodayandthathamburgerplaceisreallygoodanditwasoneoftheplacesIworkedatanddidyouknowahamburgeristwosandwichbunswithgroundbeefinaformofapattyapattyisacircularthingbutmadeofbeeffromthefarmlandsinTennesseeandTennesseeisknownforthemoonshinewhichbringsmebacktothebosshe'sanalcoholicthathatesmeWHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEE

No, I am not making this up. She will keep going on and on and on and won't let me have a chance to actually talk in this "conversation." I am better off playing a vuvuzela horn the next time she talks to me.

Me: Hey, what's up?

Her: TodayImanagedtogoaheadand-

Me: vuvuzela-plastic-horn-sou-001.jpg

BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Oh, and get this, she got pissed off at me because I made fun of a science fiction convention. A SCIENCE FICTION CONVENTION. It's as if I skullfucked her mother and poured sugar into her gasoline tank. Sure, I have made fun of her before and those always roll off her back, but if you ever make fun of a stupid science fiction convention, then all hell is loose!

I guess the worst part about her is her ability to somehow lecture one on how to do something correctly and use her experiences as examples. The only thing is that she's just 21 and she believes that she has seen EVERYTHING LIFE HAS TO OFFER. Or at least that's her mentality when she plays the godawful mother hen. For example, she tried to lecture me on how to get a job. I meant... HOW TO GET A FUCKING JOB. Seriously? I've been going to work ever since she started high school and I am getting tips and advices on how to get the interview. I kindly told her I already know and she went off. Oh boy... I really can't see her as a parent. I pray to god that she and the next person I talk about never procreate.

The second fucking moron.

I say he's a fucking moron because well, he's a manchild and makes each and everyone of us here look like intelligent aristocrats. The only insult he can come up with is "Hey, that's retarded." or "This is retarded." or "That's retarded, hey." The funnier part is the fact that this one is the boyfriend of the first one I've just mentioned. I fear if they ever reproduce that they will spawn the dumbest and loudest baby known to man.

The third fucking douchebag.

This one is a hoot. For some reason he thinks that everything should cater to his needs and for some reason is the know all to every media on Earth. Seriously, all he needs is a neckbeard and I can hate him even more. He spouts off a lot of skewed information about media that it makes everything on Wikipedia look like 100% correct information! For example regarding Avatar: The Last Airbender:

Him: It's retarded, I don't get why they call it Avatar, there's nothing in the show that relates to the word Avatar that warrants the title! Now, Avatar THE REAL GOOD MOVIE is better.

Me: Rargh.gif

Did I mention he also loves using the word "retarded" a lot? Him and the other have a lot in common in the fact that a fourth grader has better insults than these two.

Anyway, use this thread to rant on about your stupid friends.

Link to comment

i never had friends quite like that but heres some retarded friend moments for you

the first one i'm going to describe was a recent one. the boy had some problems. i knew this when i became his friend. i wanted to try and help him out and get him back into socializing with actual people. This became impossible. Everything you said around him was like stepping on pieces of glass to avoid lava. the glass was normal the lava would hurt his feelings, and almost make him cry. I actually managed to somehow help him get over that a bit. but the one thing that could never go away was creepy as hell. you know that soft voice you'd imagine a serial killer to have? that whole, "you'd look good in my freezer" voice. that was his polite voice. when talking with anyone he wasn't familiar with on a personal level. Talking to girls this was a disaster. And no matter what it was. i actually opened up and told him some of the things from my past but he'd always try and one up it. He was a willing victim pretty much, just to one up people for that little extra bit of attention. then when i moved i texted him a few times to keep in contact like i promised and never got an answer. i see him everytime i go to pen and he won't even look me in the eyes and ignores my greetings

second ones short. he's just dumb. plain and simple. everything is retarded or gay. and i don't think he even has a basic grasp of math or anything like that. he puts off an intelligent front but i'm just amazed he actually graduated high school. And he decided he needed an attitude change one day. i barely ever talk to him anymore now because this attitude change turned him into a self righteous and self centered asshole

and then some of the girls i knew in high school. most we're awesome and the one started out as an awesome friend. she was a bit of a bishie freak but we all loved her the same. But then suddenly one day. "the group was better off without me", and, "i was an asshole" and so on. the cause of this? me and my boyfriend*her friend* had broken up the day before. it was an actually pretty mutual thing, and while we were both kind of still stinging about it but were still friends and continued to be for many years until i moved

that actually is it for retarded friends. all the other friend stories i have are betrayal mostly

Link to comment

I say he's a fucking moron because well, he's a manchild and makes each and everyone of us here look like intelligent aristocrats.

Ahem.

*points at user title*

As for bad friends, I don't really have any, except for one girl that I don't really consider a friend. She constantly has drama with ex-boyfriends going on AND thought that dating one of my friends and then trying to start dating another of my friends at the same time was alright. I don't really like her. Also, while she was dating them, she offered me a blowjob. I declined.

Link to comment

God

I wouldn't even call this person a friend. He was a fellow employee of mine while I worked at Home Depot. This OCD half asain, half spanish love child. He looked to be older then me, but it turned out he was around 4 years younger.

Anyways, the only reason he is still aroun in my life is because he has latched onto my girlfriend as one of his last bastions of hope for someone to listen to him bitching. I hate the fact that he even talks to her because he offers nothing constructive to her as a person, or is even remotely helpful. And no I am not jealous of the guy, because apparantly he is gay.

I say apparantly because I am still questioning whether or not that is the case. He did appear non-gay for the first year I knew him I suppose, but "came out" a little after that. He is not attractive at all, he is super annoying and I don't think any girl would ever date the guy. So, I think he came up with this homosexual stint to hide the fact that he is a loser and can't get laid by any women. People can accept him more openly now that they won't question him ever. I think he can cope with life easier with the guise of him being flamboyantly gay so no one will question why he is never with anyone.

He refers to himself as one of the girls which is fucking stupid. I don't care how gay you are.

He is also which I found out yesterday) a backseat driver. I can't tell you how annoying it is to hear someone telling you to watch out as you are turning onto any street or there is oncoming traffic.

He is a crazy OCD as I mentioned earlier. He will asks you questions and if even if you answer the gawd damn question he will not stop talking about something. Like he is never satisfied with yer answer...example.

him: hey, how are you?

me: fine

him: what's wrong?

me: nothing.

him: are you sure?

me: yes.

him: really?

me: no, now you are starting to annoy the fuck out of me.

him: sorry.

me: it's ok *tries to walk away*

him: do you still like me?

me: ...

him: I mean as a friend. I really am glad you are my friend.

me: ...

him: Are you sure you are ok?

me: ......................................

~

And so on, for fucks sake!

What pisses me off is that he will randomly show up at my gfs house and when we have any alone time (which is almost never in that house) he is around to block whatever, then he won't take any hint I throw to fucking leave. He came with us yesterday which was supposed to be a double movie date night with this other couple we know.

What else? Oh yeah. If you ask him a question, he always ALWAYS replies with I don't know. Example, we had this going away party planned out for tonight. A mutual friend of our is leaving for Cali and he was supposed to be the pary planner for this event. Why? I don't know why beause they wanted everything to be botched and fucked from the get go. they were supposed to get a Villa rented so we could have this huge going away party where everyone could drink and crash after a long night out at the club. Anyways, surprise surprise the plans fgot fucked...

him talking to my gf: I don't even know what's going to happened for Regina's party.

me: what do you mean?

him: I don't know.

me: Yes, you do know. What's going on?

him: I don't know.

me: Fucking tell me!

him: I don't know.......................... *long pause* ...we haven't rented the room yet.

me: What? You have been plannig this for over a month now. Jesus.

him: I don't know.

me: fuck it.

~

You need to meet him in order to truly appreciate how annoying he really is.

Link to comment

i never had friends quite like that but heres some retarded friend moments for you

the first one i'm going to describe was a recent one. the boy had some problems. i knew this when i became his friend. i wanted to try and help him out and get him back into socializing with actual people. This became impossible. Everything you said around him was like stepping on pieces of glass to avoid lava. the glass was normal the lava would hurt his feelings, and almost make him cry. I actually managed to somehow help him get over that a bit. but the one thing that could never go away was creepy as hell. you know that soft voice you'd imagine a serial killer to have? that whole, "you'd look good in my freezer" voice. that was his polite voice. when talking with anyone he wasn't familiar with on a personal level. Talking to girls this was a disaster. And no matter what it was. i actually opened up and told him some of the things from my past but he'd always try and one up it. He was a willing victim pretty much, just to one up people for that little extra bit of attention. then when i moved i texted him a few times to keep in contact like i promised and never got an answer. i see him everytime i go to pen and he won't even look me in the eyes and ignores my greetings

second ones short. he's just dumb. plain and simple. everything is retarded or gay. and i don't think he even has a basic grasp of math or anything like that. he puts off an intelligent front but i'm just amazed he actually graduated high school. And he decided he needed an attitude change one day. i barely ever talk to him anymore now because this attitude change turned him into a self righteous and self centered asshole

and then some of the girls i knew in high school. most we're awesome and the one started out as an awesome friend. she was a bit of a bishie freak but we all loved her the same. But then suddenly one day. "the group was better off without me", and, "i was an asshole" and so on. the cause of this? me and my boyfriend*her friend* had broken up the day before. it was an actually pretty mutual thing, and while we were both kind of still stinging about it but were still friends and continued to be for many years until i moved

that actually is it for retarded friends. all the other friend stories i have are betrayal mostly

That first one sounds creepy as fuck. The both of them should get together with the second and third ones I mentioned in the OP! (The third one's also creepy in his own way.)

As for bad friends, I don't really have any, except for one girl that I don't really consider a friend. She constantly has drama with ex-boyfriends going on AND thought that dating one of my friends and then trying to start dating another of my friends at the same time was alright. I don't really like her. Also, while she was dating them, she offered me a blowjob. I declined.

You could at least warned your friends about her. That is if you haven't.

What else? Oh yeah. If you ask him a question, he always ALWAYS replies with I don't know. Example, we had this going away party planned out for tonight. A mutual friend of our is leaving for Cali and he was supposed to be the pary planner for this event. Why? I don't know why beause they wanted everything to be botched and fucked from the get go. they were supposed to get a Villa rented so we could have this huge going away party where everyone could drink and crash after a long night out at the club. Anyways, surprise surprise the plans fgot fucked...

him talking to my gf: I don't even know what's going to happened for Regina's party.

me: what do you mean?

him: I don't know.

me: Yes, you do know. What's going on?

him: I don't know.

me: Fucking tell me!

him: I don't know.......................... *long pause* ...we haven't rented the room yet.

me: What? You have been plannig this for over a month now. Jesus.

him: I don't know.

me: fuck it.

~

You need to meet him in order to truly appreciate how annoying he really is.

Maybe he wanted to plan the event because of that stereotype that gays like to be the party planner or some stupid bullshit. Speaking of making plans in advance, the three friends I mention always love to fuck up a plan that was made at least three weeks to a month in advanced. I set things up and we all agree to do something and four days or less before the meet up, they ALWAYS WANT TO CHANGE IT FOR THE DUMBEST REASONS. I have no idea why I even consider them my friends to begin with.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

Ffs. first and third made me lol so hard I nearly choked. It was the pictures.

BBBZZZZZZZZ. *plays her invisible vuvuzela*

Shitty friend numero uno:

She hangs out with her cousin ALL the time. I really don't fucking see why. They never get along,and their idea of 'hanging out' is her cousin just banging her boyfriend whenever she's over there and COMPLETELY IGNORING HER.

Friend Uno HATES her for it. Yet she never says no. Yet she's constantly bitching and moaning how she hates her cousin and thinks she can do better things with her time. YET SHE NEVER DENIES HER COUSIN but she comes and bitches wishing that she could just get away.

This is a convo between us one day about it. I wanted to come over and spend time with her. But her cousin just INVITED herself over to her place and Uno couldn't say no. This is the result:

Uno: Really? You're mad that I didn't let you come over?

Me: No, I'm mad because we haven't seen each other in over two months. IM MAD because we made these fucking plans last week. IM FUCKING MAD, because you never tell her no. Whenever I ASK to do something, you'll gladly shoot me down. Or you'll shoot anyone else down. But when it comes to your whore of a cousin, WHO JUST HAPPENS to come over on our day, you can't tell her to go suck a bag of dicks.

Uno: But she's FAMILY.

Me: *facedesk*

Seriously. Thats her excuse to make up for her shitty slutty cousin that steals all her time and is slowly giving her the brain tumors. 'She's family!' 'I can't say no to family!' 'But she's my family!'

I seen Uno tell her mother straight up to go fuck herself when she wanted her to clean the whole house. FUCK YOUR FAMILY.

Friend Deux:

Friend Duex is a new one. Met him at the start of the school last year. He's nice, sweet, funny, over all a good guy. He has a girl friend. Deux's girlfriend's vision of a PERFECTLY HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP consists of her draining him of every penny, never giving him any, and taking advantage of his good nature. Thats a shitty thing to do. To anyone. Except maybe the Situation on Jersey Shore. I want to see that dick taken down a notch. ANYWHAYS.

Deux proposes to his shitty girlfriend because he's head over heels with the bitch. She, I have no idea if she denied him or what, but apparently shows her true colors or something. Deux tells me via text how he hates her, how she did nothing but use him to get shit, ect ect ect.

So. On comes rebound flirting with me. Shitty move, but whatever. Just passed it on like an annoying fly in my face.

Finally, I get the nerve to ask him whats up between us.

This is the convo:

Me: Hey. Um. You and [....] still date ? You seem to be flirting an awful lot.

Him: Yeah, we're still dating. I just have a flirty personality.

Me: ...yeah, its ok for me to do that shit, because im SINGLE. You, fat ass, have a girlfriend who just abuses you. I think you have all flirting rights yanked from under you and you can fall straight into the deep shitty pit of comitment.

Him: This mean we can't talk anymore?

Me: Yeah we can. But when you're not having your dick in your hand wanting a freeby sympathy pat.

He only talks to me for two reasons now pretty much: to complain about his gf, or to get sympathy plays from me.

Wtf? no.

Edit: just realized how abusive I sound in this. :l Perfectly normal sounding to me once I'm pissed off. Ranting writing gets me hot.

Link to comment
  • 3 weeks later...

most of my friends are pretty awesome. can't really complain.

Yeah. I'm in a similar boat. I make friends pretty easily so if someone fucks with me it ain't hard for me to excommunicate them. I have a zero tolerance rule on bullshit in friendships... Now, girls I'm into, that's a totally different story and unfortunately I have dealt with too much of their shit since the tender age of 15.

Link to comment
  • 2 weeks later...

so i had a pretty funny experience with one of my super self-righteous friends last night

we were kind of watching this show on discovery health about internet addiction, and they start talking about this guy that got caught looking at CP at work or something. naturally the co-workers were a little confused on how to handle it or something. my friend (lets call him Joe) says something about it that i can't quite remember. But my reply was "I guess I don't really give a fuck."

Joe starts to get super pissed and says

Joe: What the fuck man! You don't care if people look at CP?!

Me: *pfft* not really man, shits none of my business.

Joe: WHAT? So you don't care if all these people look at CP

Me: why should i man, i don't give a shit what my neighbor does, as long as shits not getting fucked up.

Joe: SO IT SHOULD BE LEGAL?

Me: uhhh no....

Joe: WHAT THE FUCK MAN SO YOU LIKE GOING OUT AND FUCKING KIDS HUH!

Me: jesus christ man wtf is wrong with you?

Joe: You just said CP should be legal you fucking sicko!!!

Me: no, I said its really none of my business what someone else is doing.

At this point he jumps up and starts putting on his shoes to leave.

Joe: THIS ALWAYS HAPPENS MAN YOUR SUCH FUCKING ASSHOLE YOU HAVE TO ARGUE WITH EVERYTHING I SAY!

Me: What are you talking about, your the one yelling me and calling me a pedo!

Joe: No man fuck you, you started this, you always do!

but i convince him to just chill out and sit back down, which he does.

and i still haven't heard from him. I hope he does think im a pedo and leaves me alone :hardgay: That guy always treats me like shit.

Link to comment

Man, I had kind of a similar argument recently. I was like "you know, maybe we shouldn't just give sexual predators the death penalty out of hand because you know rehabilitation and redemption and we're sort of maybe approaching a civilized state" and the other person was like "SO YOU SUPPORT RAPE?!!!"

then i was just like :angry::glare::ph34r: :awesome:

Link to comment
  • 1 month later...

This is classic, because somewhere, someone...a male or female "friend", is probably saying the same thing about YOU!

Friends might have issues and so do you, but they are friends, or you wouldn't use that word to describe them!!

"Friends" only means one thing!

Think about it...

I thought about it.

My relationship with every other human on this planet is unique. Sometimes I change my opinions on my friends, and sometimes they stop being my friends (and in a few rare cases they start again).

Friends talk shit about each other behind their backs sometimes, tis a fact of life. I try not to do it too much, because I don't want people talkin shit behind my back. But I know I've pulled some dick moves in the past and deserve it, and I hope everyone else would have a similar attitude.

Link to comment

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...